DS morphed into mini Malcolm Tucker

[RositatheSeata]

DS is 2 (of course he is) and his behaviour is just EXHAUSTING. I am on my knees with sleep deprivation and have a hair-trigger temper along with it.

DS has started waking earlier and earlier, despite nothing changing in his routine. This morning he was up for the day at 4am. I feel like I'm dying.

Everything is a massive fight and often ends in me getting a furious telling off a la Malcolm Tucker 'NO mummy BAD mummy, no no NOT no!!!' delivered with a finger pointed at my face (doesn't help that he's picked up my Scottish accent). I have no idea how to deal with him.

He won't let me change his nappy, so I have to physically force him. For the entire nappy change he aims kicks at my face and neck while thrashing and screaming. Every single nappy change. Getting him dressed for the day is the same. Getting him into the bath, into the buggy, into bed, always ends in me physically forcing him, and it's horrible. He slaps, pulls my hair, kicks, anything. I have tried distraction, even giving him my phone (he'll throw it), bribery (he'll continue screaming and kicking even while eating cake/raisins/crackers, it's quite a talent) hugging and comforting while he tantrums, ignoring bad behaviour and rewarding good, making things into games, singing songs, trying to not say 'no' if it's unnecessary. Doesn't make a bit of difference. He doesn't remotely understand 'time out' or naughty step.

None of my mum friends have kids who behave like this. I have even babysat for a couple of them and done bedtime for their 2 year olds, and the difference is extraordinary. They are mainly girls, but surely that wouldn't make such a difference? And they all sleep till 7:30 in the fucking arse morning!

I think if we both could get just a little more sleep I'd have more patience and be able to be more inventive and persuasive. But I'm averaging 5 hours a night, plus working full time, so a lot of the time it's a matter of picking him up and plonking him in the buggy/bath and getting on with it while he screams. I know I am doing this all wrong - please help!

(of course he is ANGELIC at nursery and with his grandparents).

Yes, there is crying that's okay, ant there's crying that you know you have to respond to. You haven't got it easy.

What about giving him a smaller breast feed about 4/5 when he wakes, trying to bring down the amount gradually? Then leave him in his cot and see if he settles (I know he'll probably whinge or cry, rather than return to sleep). But you know, treat it as a middle if the night feed ie no talking, no eye contact, just a quick feed then leave the room.

My thinking is that if you can reduce that early morning bf to nothing, after a while he'll not want it ,and may not cry so much.

As I said before my 16month old is still bf, but the early morning feed stopped a couple of months ago.

Can I ask if he is in his own room? And if he isn't, do you have a baby monitor to hear him?

The problem is he is napping too much in the day.

Yes the nursery should be helping all the children with thier specific individual needs - be it nappy trainjng, growing out of napping, independence skills etc

Yes you just tell the nursery that his long day time naps are causing him to wake in the early hours and direct them to cut it to an hour. Mention he might be grumpy till he acclimatises but you still want them to limit it to an hour

Hi there, just to update and thanks for all the suggestions. Between DH and I, we have jiggled our working hours so that DS can be picked up earlier from nursery. We've been doing bedtime an hour earlier, not always having a bath if we're short on time (DS refuses point blank to go anywhere near the shower). That extra hour sleep is really helping with the tantrums! His behaviour is much better. I've also stopped any screen time in the couple of hours before bed - I've been reading books to him instead, seems to have helped. He's still getting up at 5-5:30am most mornings, but I've had a couple of 6am starts in the past 10 days. Haven't tackled his nap yet (although it's been a bit shorter this week, maybe due to extra hour at night) but I've stopped the morning feed. Thanks everyone for your suggestions! Although he is now ill so the whole thing will go tits up for next couple of days