I'm looking for advice re my DS1, age nearly 10. This is hard to get across in a post, but I'll do my best.
He is very intelligent, he's in the top group of his class at school. The teacher really likes him, and the most he gets any occasional rows for at school is due to chatting now and again when he shouldn't be.
But at home he rarely does as he's asked. I know - what 9yr old does? But we've tried reward charts, removing toys/books/favourite cuddly toy, discussing his actions, had a long discussion with him a week ago etc etc, but inevitably it ultimately ends up with me or DH shouting/screaming at him - partly cause nothing else has worked, partly in sheer frustration.
As an example, the school run this morning. He knows the Thursday routine. He gets up and fully dressed, sorts his hair and teeth, gets himself a snack for break time, and I drop him off at breakfast club at school at 0830. Today he was awake when I went to his room and I told him it was time to get up and "remember it's breakfast club today". I told him I was going to have a quick shower, and he must get up and dressed. OK, he said.
Got out the shower, and he was downstairs eating breakfast and watching TV! So I shouted downstairs to him that I had told him it was breakfast club, and also that he should be getting dressed - quickly! He came upstairs and was wearing only pants. However, he then took a further NINE minutes to put on a polo top, trousers and socks - and that was WITH me chivvying him along!
Then he couldnt find his shoes. So that took another few minutes of faffing around.
Then he couldnt find his wallet for his lunch money, so sat on the floor taking things out his bag one at a time, while I'm sayng "I REALLY need to be at work in a minute, could we be a bit quicker please!" (he was meant to put the lunch money in his bag last night, but I noticed it on the worktop after he went to bed).
I explained again - calmly - that we needed to go, as we should have left 5 mins ago, I'm working etc etc etc.
So he still couldnt find his wallet. He has plenty of zip pockets in his jacket and bag, so I asked him if there was an alternative to using his wallet, and he started to go upstairs to look for another wallet. By this time I have a bursting headache and am about to explode.
I stop him halfway and tell him that he should put the money in a safe place in a zip pocket, cos we're now in such a hurry, and we need to go!!
Then it turns out he hasnt got a snack yet either.
I exploded.
NOW, I know that as an isolated incident is fairly standard, so please dont pick apart this one morning as if it is the only thing - I can assure you I am at the end of my tether. He always seems to know best. Doesnt matter what the instruction is, he'll do it his way, and it causes a battle. It's a constant struggle. The only instruction this morning was get dressed, and remember it's breakfast club. So he does the opposite - eats breakfast without getting dressed. If the instruction is "shoes on", he'll do his hair first.
The norm is that he behaves as if he doesnt give a sh*t about anyone's time but his own. He'd be horrified if he was late for school, but it doesnt seem to matter that I was nearly 20 mins late for work today.
He knows the morning routine - he doesnt even have to do much! - yet a lot of mornings are a real struggle, and we start our days annoyed at each other. I just feel like I'm at the stage where I just dont know what to do any more. It pretty much always gets to the stage where I am screeching at him because nothing else has worked. Then he behaves as if I'm overreacting. He'll apologise at some point, but doesnt always seem to understand what he's apologising for - despite it being thoroughly explained. Ultimately nothing changes long-term anyway.
I've wondered over the years if there's something more to the behaviour, but the teachers have assured me that they dont think so.
So the alternative is that my son just doesnt give a shit about other people's needs and time etc. Fab.
Please help me. I constantly feel like I'm nearly crying and constantly have a headache. I also worry in case he isnt comprehending what's going on, and is just being ground down by us getting cross at him, and thinking we're totally irrational.