Possible autistic traits in friend's DS

[twosmallbuttons]

My close friend's DS is 2.5, and each time I see them (every month or so) I notice small behaviours that could be signs of being on the spectrum. I have no experience of autism but having read a few guides about the symptoms, I am increasingly certain friend's DS is matching many of the signs.

I haven't mentioned any of this to my friend, I have no idea if she has the same thoughts/concerns. My friend has been struggling a bit with controlling her DS's behaviour and gets increasingly frustrated and cross with some things he does. My only reason for suggesting she investigate this is so she finds new, positive ways of dealing with her DS. She has told me more or less that she often feels like she's failing in her parenting

Would you bring it up in conversation, or butt out?

At 2.5yo, she wouldn't be able to get a diagnosis

This is nonsense. My boys were diagnosed at 3.5 and before 2.5 - my youngest was referred at 21 months.

It might be that the OP's friend needs to resort to some uber parenting, or it may be that this isn't enough. Neurological disorders don't necessarily manifest as naughtiness, though. This is why it tends to require someone with knowledge of child development to make a referral and the diagnostic process tends to be multidisciplinary.

Could you outline some of the behaviours and maybe those of us with some experience could comment.
Is the child at pre school yet or due to go soon? This might be where things will be picked up if needed - when he enters a group setting the ASD behaviours could possibly escalate/stand out.

Also agree it is absolutely possible to get a diagnosis at this age - in fact the sooner the better.
And don't rely on Health visitors - most haven't for a clue what to look for in my opinion.

I'll go against the grain here. my ds has only just been diagnosed with asd at six. I've had concerns for a long time but it's taken switching him to a great school to identify his issues and get the help he needs. I spent far too many years being reassured by well meaning friends that he's 'just a boy' and that its 'a phase' and 'he'll grow out of it.' It made me doubt my suspicions and as a result I didn't really fight for help for him. I don't doubt these people meant well, but actually if someone had asked if I'd thought he could be in he spectrum it would have been a huge relief. I felt isolated and wondered if I was simply a bad parent. It's such a relief to have a firm diagnosis. IF she's a close friend, I'd mention it. I really wish someone had allowed me to voice my fears.

If it wasn't for a less than great HV, I think we'd have had a diagnosis for DS1 sooner, googlenut. We got a referral pretty son after getting a new one, who pointed us to the new childcare being offered at the local school, as Surestart was getting off the ground, which we could for respite as DS2 was a baby, at the time. It only took a couple of sessions for it to be clear that parenting was not the issue.

Only you can judge your relationship with your friend, but I am forever grateful to a friend who pointed out to me (diplomatically, but it still hurt at the time) that I might like to get a professional referral for one of my children for a physical developmental issue. She did it very, very sensitively and I have since learnt agonised for ages over whether to do so and how to do so. My child has made fantastic progress and I am well supported now by professional help. My husband however finds it very hard to deal with.

I have another friend whose daughter's autism was pointed out by her sister rather bluntly, and it damaged their relationship for quite a long time. But again it led to my friend getting an early diagnosis for her daughter, excellent support, she then moved country and is getting amazing help where she is now.

As parents, especially when it is our first child, we don't always recognise "warning signs" because we don't have the same barometer of what is "usual" and further children develop at different rates and in different ways. I certainly didn't - and just having a couple of children does not make you an expert! So you need to judge your own relationship with your friend.

But I do raise things like this with other friends, cautiously, sensitively, most people find it hard to accept, and quite often I have found people have noticed it and either are getting help (and we then have a good conversation about hidden and overt disabilities) or have been wondering how they should do so. I try and introduce it through the prism of what were the "warning signs" for us, and that what I learnt is that "professional advice is a good thing, no". Perhaps if you have a mutual friend who is having any such support, it may be easier for them to bring it up, or for you to use any direct experiences you actually have.

Polter, ok may be wrong wording, but the school advised and eventually insisted that he needed and would benefit from help, and were instrumental in him getting it.

when ds was referred to a child development team by the health visitor, who had done an initial SOGS, he was then referrred on to a Joint Assessment Clinic, as MrsDeVere says - meeting a paed, developmental paed, SALT, portage, physio and OT. He has never had a confirmed diagnosis (as many children won't), although he has a likely diagnosis of a genetic condition. He is continually assessed however to work out ways to best meet his needs as they arise.

Ooh I am going to disagree with most people here...

My DS has ASD (diagnosed at 19 months). I'm not sure why but I was switched on and suspected it at about 15 months. DS is now 25 months old and has come on leaps and bounds in the last few months because we have put the necessary therapies in place. Early intervention is absolutely key.

So if I hadn't suspected something myself and a friend (who had done as much research as she could to feel confident that ASD might be a possibility) suggested it to me, I would have shaken them by the hand.