Not coping with constant crying

[Silverstorma21]

Dear all, I have joined here because I'm at a loss with my 6 week old baby. I am truly struggling and have no one to help me. I am hoping I can get some advice from this forum- forgive me if I don't follow protocols as I am unsure how this all works!
Basically my baby has been crying a lot for the last 4-5 weeks. In fact it's not really crying but more like screaming. Today was a bad day she started screaming at 9,30am and didn't stop until about 5pm. This happens roughly 4 days a week on average. We have tried the usual colic type remedies: infacol, Dr Browns bottles; gripe water; warm bath; baby massage; changing formula to lactose free (on docs advice); baby gaviscon; sitting up to feed + 30 min afterwards.
I'm struggling to cope- it's really preventing me from bonding. I can't take her anywhere as she screams and people look and stare and come over and try and give pitying comments. I've had people complain when I went to Costa- to be fair she was awful. I cry most days and I'm begining to resent her as I don't do anything with my horse as I can't comfort her enough to take her with me. I never eat with my husband as one of us is always trying to settle her. And we don't spend any time together as I docjobs at the weekend that I can't do in the week due to her crying whilst he takes her out the house to give me some cry free time.
I am so alone as no one visits because of her crying and I am so overwhelmed by it all- my parents live abroad (mum works for the UN so can't just come at the drop of a hat to help) I am getting to the point that I dread waking up in the morning as I know it's all going to start again.

Is there anything I can do that I haven't tried already? I'm scared if I can't sort it we won't bond and I'm already atruggling to find any love for her.

Wishing you well for the witching hour this evening OP. glad you got a break away from the cry-a thon. Do give cry-sis a call their helpline is manned by parents who have been where you are now. Just think one day they'll be 18!

Honestly try ranitidine. Gp prescription. I insisted this for dd and it changed her life. I only knew about it from mn. Look up silent reflux and see if it could be appropriate. It solved our four hours of screaming every evening. ..

Ds was also a crier. Screamer. I used to be drenched in a cold sweat with the stress of his yelling. I have total sympathy for you and can only suggest that when you can you look after yourself. Don't get fussed about anything which doesn't directly help you make it through the day. Food toilet shower tea sleep. All important. Scrubbing bathroom not so much.

If it's getting too much pop her in the pram. Outside the crying is easier to take and the cool air sends to help break the sobbing when they're crying so hard you just know they've forgotten why they started. ..

Sounds like its either silent reflux, allergies or both.

Ask your GP for a rapid/urgent referral to a paediatrician

I had a terrible time with my LO took. In the end I ended up taking her to A&E who then gave me an urgent referral to a paediatrician. Paediatrician prescribed lansoparazole. Two weeks later my baby was a completely different baby.

Does she have any hives or rash on her body? Any redness around her bottom?

3 hours sleep tonight. I must have jinxed it by saying she sleeps in the night.
The crying has just started.

I don't know if I can do this. It's just too much - no sleep, constant crying.
My husband hates me because I'm so stressed and tired I only snap at him.

Your husband doesn't hate you - he'll be feeling the stress and difficulties you are, but he doesn't hate you. Having a new baby is very difficult, and you both need time to learn and adapt.

Might it be worth speaking to your GP about how low you're feeling? It's not at all surprising given that your baby is certainly a high needs baby. Some just are! (she won't be forever!).

Was her crying in the night the same as the crying she's been doing in the day? What else does she do when she's crying (arching back? Wriggling?). What does she sleep in? Have you tried swaddling her at all? Have you tried a sling - or could you look at hiring one from a sling library? (Where abouts do you live - I can look up one for you).

I think that today you need to try and take her out to get some fresh air and sunlight for yourself. Sleep deprivation is absolutely awful - it makes you feel so terrible. Again, it is won't last forever. How does she sleep in the day? Where? How do to settle her to sleep and how often? It took me ages to get my head around the timings and cues for my babies.

With babies, it's all just a phase. Even the great stuff (for the last two weeks my babies have only been waking once in the night - and then waking for the day at 7. I reminded my OH to enjoy it while it lasted as I was sure it was just a phase, though a nice one. Sure as anything, they're back to multiple wakings again now).

Can you tell you OH that you do love him, apologise for snapping (though it's totally understandable!) and see if you can have a cup of tea together and a hug?

Call Cry-sis too. Even if you just cry down the phone - a human listening at the other end of the line will make you feel better. Can't link as on phone!

Oh OP. I know of 2 people who went through this, it's unimaginably tough. Slings and dummies completely changed things. I second others re trying ranitidine.

It's hard bonding with an unhappy, screaming baby... but your baby is bonding with you, she is crazy for you already.

This WILL pass. When you are out about, don't think about people judging you - most don't. In fact some of the people you see, with the happy smiley toddlers, have been exactly through the same as you, and they understand.

I really feel for you, dd was the same for the first 6 months, like you I posted on Mumsnet.

For us, it was lack of sleep during the day that was making dd so upset. She would literally scream for hours while one of us held her. The car/pram didn't work either.

There's no magic solution but I second the Moby wrap and a dummy. I used to jiggle about in a dark room with white noise on, repeatedly putting the dummy back into dd's mouth until she slept (trying not to think of other new mums out at baby groups having coffee...). Could you give that a go? If reflux is the problem being upright in the Moby wrap might help too?

I felt as you did, that I wasn't bonding and when dd's night time sleep suddenly became bad (at around 11 weeks) I thought I was going to have some sort of breakdown. The stress and lack of sleep probably did affect my relationship with dp but only temporarily.

But from 6 months onwards, weaning, solids, crawling all helped. It really, honestly does get better and you'll find the toddler tantrums a breeze. Dd, now 2.5 is a fantastic toddler. You'll start to bond with your baby over time, it's just very, very hard right now.

If you can get any help from family or a paid maternity nurse, do. It's a lot to cope with on your own.

Go back to docs and ask for Ranitidine, worth a try and helped my colicky/refluxy DD loads. She started to sleep and nap loads better! Lifesaver. Had already tried everything you had too. Weaned her off it at 5 months when we started weaning.

It does take over a week to get to it's best affect though, and she was better by 4 weeks on it regularly although was saw improvements much much earlier. We knew it was the medicine (and not just getting better generally with age) as we tried to wean her off it twice before 5 months, and the crying/discomfort returned!

Ranitidine has really helped us too - my twins went through a nursing strike at wk15 - I stopped BF and started on formula because their screaming refusal to feed had me sobbing. They carried on refusing to feed - HV and GP were totally useless ("try spoon feeding them milk" etc). I posted on MN, got some great advice, and eventually got referred to a paediatrician who instantly said silent reflux. They've been so much better since!

I also know it's the meds as we tried one of the babies on another reflux medication - omeprazole - and ahe was back at square one.

I had the exact same with dd1.
She quite literally cried from about 11 every day,but slept at night (and I wated to thump people who told me how lucky I was that she slept at night....)
I used infacol and dr Browns bottles switched to ff on hv advice).
I carried her in a sling most of the day,and a baby swing gave a tiny bit of respite at times.
Time was what solved it.It's bloody hard -exhausting and isolating,but you will emerge from this.

Agree with other posters that Gaviscon is useless if she has anything other than v mild reflux, you need medication to control the acid. We had ranitidine which worked for a while and moved on to Omeprazole. Primary lactose intolerance is very rare in babies but about half of refluxers have milk protein intolerance, for which you can get hydrolysed or amino acid based formula prescribed. I can't recommend the book Colic Solved, by gastro paediatrician Dr Bryan Vartebedian, enough, despite stupid title it is the bible on reflux and milk protein intolerance. There's also a good support site called Little Refluxers.
My ds2 had horrendous silent (ha) reflux and was milk and soya protein intolerant. I thought I had been cursed with the baby from hell and really struggled to bond. I promise you that your baby is not a miserable creature underneath, there is a lovely smiley character in there somewhere masked by pain and discomfort. Don't worry about bonding, it will come in time, just be her advocate until you find the right combination of milk and meds to help her.

I had no sleep last night either. Sympathies. You need to make a simple plan for this week. Survival.

Book gp appointment.
Download white noise app
Get a sling from somewhere (there will be a local sling library or next

Clicked post too soon (sleep deprived leading the sleep deprived).

Gp is for you and baby. When is your 6 week check? Can you call the HV?

I was going to say local nct should be able to help you with a sling.
Get out with baby in the pram/ sling- crying is less loud outside. Even if it's just to the park.
Book online shop of emergency food.
Ask friends for help/ support (cooked food ideally)
Call cry-sis

Be kind to yourself and know that this too shall pass.

Batten down the hatches and keep life simple til the storm passes

Another one here recommending a Moby sling and a dummy.

I spent most of the day with DS attached, but because of the design it wasn't too hard on my back. It meant I could get on and do stuff, housework, shopping, taking DD to school etc.

When we were at home quite often I would strip to the waist and put almost naked DS against my skin, then hold him in place with the sling. I had a big cardigan over the top to keep my arms warm. The wrap sling is just a big piece of material and it covered almost all of me anyway.

He was so unhappy compared to my first baby that it was such a shock to the system. He is a wonderful bright and cuddly five year old now, who went through the school gate this morning bellowing about how much he loves me. So it does get better.

Sometimes when I was going insane in the house I'd find the busiest road to walk by with dd in the pram or sling so the traffic noise drowned out the crying. A great tip I saw originally on a post on MN!

I have recorded (made a video ) of her crying. Is there any way to ppst it here so you can hear it- perhaps the tone will allow someone to decipher what she's crying about - ie does it sound like pain etc.
I have a moby wrap and she's currently on my front dozing. She's pooped too but not enough for me to put her down so I can sleep.

The HV is due now I'm waiting for her so I'll see what she says

Ah yes, sitting still with a dozing baby attached to you, not being able to get anything done or have a proper rest. That brings back memories...
At least the rest might make her a bit less irritable for a while?

Keep referring to HV/GPs, keep trying to keep your spirits up. Focus on feeds and sleep (for both of you), let everything else take second place for now. It WILL get better.

I know you can attach photos - not sure about video. Definitely show HV and keep for GP too.

Hang on in there - it's ridiculously tough having a newborn, but people go on to have more, so there's proof that it does get easier!

Take the video to show the GP or HV, sod's law says baby always looks fine for the 5 mins you see someone.

How are you doing this afternoon? Was the HV any use?

She says I have some of the symptoms of PND and suggest d I visit the GP about it. I said I'm not supprised as I've found it hard and isolating. She wanted me to up baby's feed to 5 ounces but I'm reluctant as I think over filling stomach can make the reflux worse as far as I understand? She currently on 4 ounces (she's 6 weeks + 3 days) and weighs 4.5kg
She's actually been a nice baby this afternoon and ive even had some smiles :)

No harm in talking to your GP about PND, as long as that's not a way of fobbing you off as a neurotic mum who is not coping. I felt awful, but in my case it was a normal response to a very tough situation, not because I had any sort of chemical imbalance or depression IYSWIM. Sorting out my DS so we all got more sleep and less screaming was what was needed. I've come across so many refluxers where the HCPs have been hell bent on proving that it's the mother with the problem and the baby is fine.
Lovely that you've had a better day and some smiles makes it all seem a bit more worthwhile.

I had a colicky non sleeper and I probably had symptoms of PND too - of course I did, my daughter didn't sleep and screamed A LOT. In my case she had tongue and lip ties which made her swallow a lot of air and then be very uncomfortable.

I'm not an expert but I did have chronic heartburn when I was pregnant - I had Omeprazole and it was amazing - and I vividly remember that eating made it feel better. You said that your DD likes her feeds so I wonder if it is giving her temporary relief?

I really would push for a paediatrician to see her. Perhaps make a written log - for some reason, a written diary with 'cried continually from 10am-5pm' day after day makes more of an impact with healthcare professionals than just saying 'she doesn't stop crying'.

In any case you have my sympathies. You will get through it, honestly. You will. Good luck