Not coping with constant crying

[Silverstorma21]

Dear all, I have joined here because I'm at a loss with my 6 week old baby. I am truly struggling and have no one to help me. I am hoping I can get some advice from this forum- forgive me if I don't follow protocols as I am unsure how this all works!
Basically my baby has been crying a lot for the last 4-5 weeks. In fact it's not really crying but more like screaming. Today was a bad day she started screaming at 9,30am and didn't stop until about 5pm. This happens roughly 4 days a week on average. We have tried the usual colic type remedies: infacol, Dr Browns bottles; gripe water; warm bath; baby massage; changing formula to lactose free (on docs advice); baby gaviscon; sitting up to feed + 30 min afterwards.
I'm struggling to cope- it's really preventing me from bonding. I can't take her anywhere as she screams and people look and stare and come over and try and give pitying comments. I've had people complain when I went to Costa- to be fair she was awful. I cry most days and I'm begining to resent her as I don't do anything with my horse as I can't comfort her enough to take her with me. I never eat with my husband as one of us is always trying to settle her. And we don't spend any time together as I docjobs at the weekend that I can't do in the week due to her crying whilst he takes her out the house to give me some cry free time.
I am so alone as no one visits because of her crying and I am so overwhelmed by it all- my parents live abroad (mum works for the UN so can't just come at the drop of a hat to help) I am getting to the point that I dread waking up in the morning as I know it's all going to start again.

Is there anything I can do that I haven't tried already? I'm scared if I can't sort it we won't bond and I'm already atruggling to find any love for her.

Silver: you're having a very, very normal reaction to a very stressful situation. Don't feel you have to accept the PND diagnosis if you genuinely feel it doesn't apply to you.
If your baby was sleeping and feeding like an average newborn (eg lengthy naps after each feed, calm contentment after feeds and after waking from naps etc), would you be showing any of the symptoms that the GP has relied on in coming to a PND diagnosis?

Hang in there, it really does get better, there will be more good days and more smiles in time.

Good plan about the diary. Will start in the morning. Had our worst day so far. She slept well last night - 10pm -3am and then 4am until 6am but from 7am she started screaming and bar a few naps has screamed all day even till now- I would estimate she's cried 13 hours if you add it all up. I'm emotionally and physically shattered

It's no surprise that you are emotionally and physically drained - listening to your child cry is tortuous under any circumstance. Even now my DD is nearly three, I feel so tense and angry when she cries for any amount of time (a legacy of not being able to fix her crying when she was small).

Get it down on paper. Do also check for tongue and lip ties too - they're more common than people think.

Your DD sounds v similar to my friend's DD who was diagnosed with milk intolerance. She screamed A LOT but was a different baby once they got her on the right milk ( made from amino acids I think?) And omeprazole.At 1yr old she's a happy wee thing.You must get a referral to a specialist asap as it takes a while to get the right combo. Good luck

Oh sweetheart that sounds rough

My dd was like this until I sorted out a daytime routine, everything basically freaked her out and she was over stimulated/ whelmed really easily. I found that having rituals and routines during the day helped so she at least new what was coming next iyswim. She also needed to go back to bed two hours after waking up, so woke up at 7am, had a wash, got dressed, milk, played a bit and then back up to bed about 9am for at least an hour.

Black out blinds helped in getting her to sleep during the day.

I found the contented little baby book helpful as a guide for when and how much milk and sleep dd might need. Also a dummy helped save my sanity on more than one occasion

I would bet my hat that your wee one has cows milk protein intolerance (CMPI) you need to get baby on a decent antacid (omeprazole or ranitidine) and stop all cows milk in her diet. Antacids won't do anything if she's still drinking cows milk in her formula. 40% of CMPI babies also react to soya. Get the doctor to trial her on neocate or nutramigen (you're FF right? if BF you have to cut all dairy from your diet).

Other symptoms can include silent reflux (does she make weird noises when laid flat?) explosive, bloody or mucousy poos (though some babies have no other symptoms than the screaming).

CMPI often goes alongside midline 'defects' does your baby have any of the following I wonder? Tongue tie, cleft chin, double crown, stork mark (a red mark between the eyebrows), a sacral dimple or a lip tie? They don't necessarily go together but both my kids have had CMPI and a lot of midline defects.

My DS was exactly as you describe, its heartbreaking but you must try to remember that she's in pain not being spiteful, and use that as a motivation to push, push and push the doctor to take you seriously. No one can fight her corner for the right treatment but you - you're her Mum, so don't be fobbed off. The quicker she's treated the less risk there is of long term damage to her guts (ulcerative colitis and bowel cancer are linked to untreated CMPI). A high pitched cry is a pain cry - its not anger.

If in doubt try to see a young (ideally female) doctor as CMPI has only been taken seriously by the medical community in the last decade. An old bloke will just dismiss as colic. I cut dairy from my diet on day 5 with DD and her refluxing stopped and we don't have any screaming - symptoms resolve very quickly once off dairy and you'll have a lovely smiley baby. If you can't get a GP appointment go to Out of Hours tonight. Explain how long she's been screaming inconsolably and that you're at your wits end. Don't be embarrassed about looking like a panicking new Mum, you'll get the right prescription far easier from out of hours as they're not so worried about long term prescription bills as GPs.

How have the last couple of days been? Any help from GP yet?

I'd really recommend a sling. My LO was like this until about 10 weeks and then slowly got better. He still struggles to nap when not cuddled but it is so much easier than it was. Some babies can't cope with the world and take a while to adjust but before you know it they are so much better, although I know the feeling when you're in the thick of it. My LO is now 18 weeks and behaves just like all the other babies his age, he has changed so much in such a short space of time. Hang in there, you're doing a great job x

Last few days were terrible. She cried a lot so I kept a diary this is a typical day/
Screaming started 7.45am see video stopped at 8.23
Grizzling from 8.35
Screaming 8.41
Calm 8.45
Screaming 8.48
Calm 8.57
Asleep 9.02
Crying/grizzly 9.12
Screaming 9.42
Grizzlyness 10.02
Fed 10.58
Fell asleep 11.14
Woke up 1.25
Fed 1.45
Crying 1.59
Poo 2.20
Stopped crying 3pm
Grizzlyness 5.30
Sleep 6
Wakes up and cries 7.20
Feed 7.30
Screaming on and off till 11
Sleep 11
I couldn't get an appoinemt until Monday- so I will push for some milk free formula Monday and show him my diary and videos.
Yesterday we went to have some Bowen therapy. What was interesting is since then she has poo'd a lot more and we had a lovely evening. Although she hasn't slept well overnight.

Ask for ranitidine too for silent reflux.

Does it help at all if you offer her smaller, more frequent feeds?

How is she when she's in the sling?

Also - milk protein intolerance is actually very rare, and is usually accompanied by other obvious symptoms such as rashes etc.

Ensure the doc doesn't dismiss your concerns. If difficult, keep using one particular line over and again such as:

"she's not happy and her symptoms are quite severe"..."I understand you aren't sure about an intolerance, but her symptoms are quite severe". I did that with my GP and eventually for a referral to a paediatrician who immediately diagnosed reflux (I was extremely cross as the GP should've diagnosed this and should've prescribed ranitidine).

Just wanted to share in your pain and let you know that you are not alone. Ds was like this until 10/11 weeks. I remember not feeling I could go out- but forced myself to. Try really hard not to compare to other babies. If formula feeding try different types? A dummy made a huge difference to us (try mam ones). Also without a sling I would not have coped!

When dh got home I used to give him ds go into kitchen, shut the door put on loud music and clean/cook/enjoy a little bit of normality! It doesn't last forever and people without colicky babies find it very hard to understand. ..

Where abouts are you? If your anywhere near me i'd be happy to pop round and lend a hand! My DD (who is 2) was pretty angelic as a baby but making up for it as a toddler lol.

Fed 10.58
Fed 1.45
Feed 7.30

You are not feeding your 6 week old baby enough.

That is the most likely reason for all the crying. At 6 weeks baby should be being fed every 2 to 3 hours. Your day started at 7.45 so that should be approx:

Fed 8am
Fed 10am
Fed 1pm
Fed 3pm
Fed 6pm
Fed 8pm
Fed 11pm

Then probably one or two feeds in the night.

The OP said her DD is taking 4oz every 3 hours and feeding really well am not sure that all feeds can have been included in that diary entry?

I didn't put all the feeds in sorry. I've just looked at my feed app on my phone and she had 27 ounces during that day.

Don't apologise - I figured not all feeds were on.

What does your baby weigh? Has your weekend been any better?

This was me a year ago. I feel your pain.

Invest in a great sling, 4th Trimester makes sense (but didn't really help!!)

12 Months on & he's still a whinger!

I really sympathise with you, my biggest recommendation is a good sling x x x x x

I was also diagnosed with PND - but I don't think it was true PND. Wouldn't anyone be pushed to the limit with a baby that cries all day, you isolate yourself as people don't want to hear it, you get embarrassed going out .....

It's awful :((( but it DOES gradually get better as they become more interested in other things.

If you live near me - come over they can have a scream off!!!!

Oh & in an attempt to give myself a break (lone parent) I put DS with a childminder for 5 hours a week - EVEN she couldn't cope with him & sent me an email saying she couldn't care for him anymore ..... Yea that got me!!! That tipped me to breaking point. Just want you to know you are not alone xx

Sorry you're going through this, it sounds horrible. Not sure how much help it will be but try looking up the dunstan baby method on YouTube.
The theory is that all babies make the same sounds when they are crying for certain reasons, and with practice you can hear the different cries and tell what the baby needs.
Sounds a bit wacky but I think it works and when dd was a baby, even if I couldn't stop her crying it really helped to know why. Otherwise I would have thought she was purposely torturing me

Hang on 27 ounces in 1 day for a 6 week old baby? Isn't that not too much? Maybe baby is crying as tummy is too full?
Just trying to throw an idea in, OP. Can other bottle feeders advise?

Or baby is comfort feeding?

NHS Website says:

"By the end of their first week, most will need around 150 to 200ml per kilo of their weight per day until they are six months old"

How heavy is your baby?

27 ounces is likely to be fine for a six week old baby.