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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

13-year-old refuses to come on planned trip to the Lake District

26 replies

Breadandwine · 14/10/2014 20:53

My son has arranged a 3-day trip for his 3 children - 13, 11 and 9 - and myself to spend 3 days in the Lakes in a camper van this weekend.

However, the oldest, a girl, absolutely refuses to go - and the mother (separated from my son and they're divorcing) has other plans for the weekend.

Any tips, guys?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

lunar1 · 14/10/2014 20:56

She's 13, she doesn't really have a choice.

WestmorlandSausage · 14/10/2014 20:57

Why is she refusing to go?

Is it not cool?

Is there something else on she wants to go to more at home?

Does she not fancy not having much privacy for three days? I know at 13 and going through puberty not having any personal space and privacy would have been excruciating for me.

WestmorlandSausage · 14/10/2014 20:58

Can he not take the other two and you and her have a nice weekend doing something else?

Penfold007 · 14/10/2014 21:00

She is a 13 year old child, she does as she is told.

Hulababy · 14/10/2014 21:00

I have a 12y. She would have no choice tbh.

13y is still a child and, as such, she does as she is told. And I would be cross if she then tried to ruin it for everyone else.

I suspect once there she'd probably have fun anyway.

Does she say why she doesn't want to go?

ErrolTheDragon · 14/10/2014 21:02

If it is the privacy aspect then I've some sympathy - 5 including 2 men in a camper van could be a problem. The loo/washing facilities could be a genuine issue for her.

Does your DS have any idea why she's refusing?

hesterton · 14/10/2014 21:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mintyy · 14/10/2014 21:09

4 (or is it 5) of you in a camper van?? Sounds awful terribly cramped!

However, she's not old enough to refuse to go.

Has anyone asked her why she doesn't want to go?

fieldfare · 14/10/2014 21:09

Has anyone asked her to explain why she doesn't want to go?

NerfHerder · 14/10/2014 21:10

Maybe she has her period, and the thought of 3 days in a campervan with her dad and 2 little siblings, and absolutely no privacy, is filling her with horror?

NerfHerder · 14/10/2014 21:11

Oh, x-post with everyone there.
Sorry!

OldLadyKnowsSomething · 14/10/2014 21:14

What are her mum's plans, and is she included in them?

Shedding · 14/10/2014 21:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

Breadandwine · 14/10/2014 21:59

Thanks for the swift responses!

Here are her reasons:
It's definitely not 'cool';
It will be boring, she'd be missing all her friends;
She would be missing a party;
She has something she wanted to do in school (the plan was to take them out of school early);
And, ATM, she 'hates' her younger sister and brother.

The rest of your comments and suggestions are all possible and valid - except for her mum who has other plans for the weekend.

It's a fairly big camper van (but it's still a camper van at the end of the day).

I'm GD, BTW!

OP posts:

ProbablyMe · 14/10/2014 22:03

I'm going to possibly definitely be controversial here and say that I have 4 DS, 3 of whom are teenagers, and that I've accepted that that they all get to an age - some sooner than others - when they want or need to make some of their own choices. I am divorced from my sons dad and they often wish to do their own thing rather than stuff with either of us. I originally took this personally, now I see it as growing up.

Ragwort · 14/10/2014 22:07

At 13 I never went on 'family' holidays (and that was back in the 70s ) but I was fortunate in that my grandparents would come and stay with me.

I have a 13 year old myself now and it is a complete nightmare to think of a holiday that we will all enjoy - far easier to stay at home !

WestmorlandSausage · 14/10/2014 22:35

Nightmare, the forecast isn't looking great for the lakes this weekend. Hope you have lots of 'indoor' activities planned .

Honestly I think you need to see if there are any friends that will have her for a sleepover that weekend.

I'm all for not giving in to children and not letting them get their own way but I'm sure you will all have a far better time if you aren't cramped up with a stroppy only just teen who thinks they are committing social suicide simply by being there. Its likely in a campervan that she will also be cut off electronically as well (there ain't much phone signal in many parts of the lakes let alone a 3G signal!!)

Has she offered any solutions/ suggestions?

Original poster

Breadandwine · 14/10/2014 23:37

There's actually two parties she'll be missing - plus the school activity is an inter-house sports meeting.

I think a sleepover with a friend is probably the best solution - my son will explore this tomorrow.

I've suggested that if we do give way to her this time, she promises to go next time. If she's consulted from the beginning about the timing, etc.

Good point about the electronics!

Thanks, guys, I'll let you know the outcome.

OP posts:

LIZS · 15/10/2014 08:18

agree 13yo dd wouldn't have much choice in the matter but you could compromise and leave after the school activity. However dd is very take it or leave it about parties unless it is a very close friend. There is normally still a few weeks' notice though at this age so fi her whinging is recent it won't be down to this alone.

Merrylegs · 15/10/2014 08:24

Blimey, you can't really take her out of school for a weekend away. What kind of message is that sending? Good for her for wanting to participate in the school activity.

outtolunchagain · 15/10/2014 08:27

Also think your son needs to appreciate that his dd is now a young woman . Two adult men and two boys plus a teenage girl in a small camper van may not be ideal from a privacy point of view .

I have vivid memories of starting my period in the middle of the night in a cramped caravan . I was 14 and even now remember it as clear as day( 35 years later)

JustSpeakSense · 15/10/2014 08:34

My 13 year old would not enjoy a camper can in the Lake District with parent, grandparent and younger siblings (would be his idea of hell)

I really don't think it's appropriate to take her away from a school event for a weekend away, anyway.

I'm not sure a sulky teenager who doesn't want to be there would improve your weekend.

I'd let her stay home, buy her a treat from the Lake District & tell her you all missed her and are looking forward to her joining you the next time

DPotter · 15/10/2014 08:35

5 of you in a camper van ?! Unless it's a winnebago I wouldn't fancy the idea of the Lakes either. Hope a sleepover can be arranged

YeGodsAndLittleFishes · 15/10/2014 08:35

I think it's unreasonable to expect a 13yo girl to share sleeping/changing area with boys and men. Also not a great time of year.

Having said that, I have had this for years from my DDs (think luxury cottage at coast with their own room and bathroom. They sulk all week) and have given up on family holidays now. One way around it is for the DCs to take a friend each.

firesidechat · 15/10/2014 09:14

2 points things come to mind.

At 13 she does as she is told.

5 people in a camper van! No way! We have had a caravan for years now, but I would hate to be that overcrowded. It's the Lake District in Autumn! It will rain! I would probably refuse to go too.

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