What do you do if you suspect your child has mild aspergers syndrome?

[LittleOldMe22]

My son is 3.5 yrs. As a baby he was a very difficult child to get to smile etc but was vfery happy at home in his own routine. As he has grown up he is often dismissed as being very shy and everyone comments on how stern he looks in social situations. He dislikes strangers talking to him, dislikes big social gatherings etc. He is very bright boy and remembers the littlest details from events going back so far as his 2nd birthday, His vocabulary he extremely developed and he can remember and explain lots of more complex things, i.e. why it rains etc. He likes to watch the same film or show again and again until he can quote it then will move on to another film and not want to watch the first ever again Same with stories, he likes the same story night after night and then will suddenly change. He also becomes obsessed with certain toys/things - Dinosaurs has been the only toy he'll really play with now about a year. When with other children his age he struggles to interact unless he knows them really well. All in all he is a really happy little boy in a stable home and environment but when he does experience change it sends him sky rocketing into hyper activity, screaming and tantrum like behaviours. He thrives in structure, boundaries and clear instructions. With close family he is extremely affectionate, chatty and loving but this is almost exclusive to our family unit and my parents, and his child-minder.

If he is indeed on the autistic spectrum (and I say that with a big IF as currently this is just a gut feeling) I would think it is relatively mildly but wondered should I do anything about it. My concern comes from him starting school next year and them not responding appropriately to him and him being branded difficult (which I've experienced in other settings when he has suddenly been expected to change or adapt with out preparation)? I'm just exploring this feeling at the moment... would welcome others views/ experiences?

Hi little does he go to nursery?

Has your childminder noticed any differences in your little boys development to that of the other children she looks after?

What about other family members? Although in my experience it is common for family to not notice.

FWIW, gut instincts are quite often right.

You could make a list of your concerns and go to your GP and ask for a referral to a developmental paediatrician.

Good luck

He does sound like he is on the autistic spectrum and high functioning. Have a look at the national autistic website for information, it;s great! Its also great you are tuned in and forward thinking, not everyone is.

Your son is perfect the way he is and you are doing the right thing to try and make transitions smooth. Ideally it's best to arrive at school with some initial diagnosis as it will help everyone hit the floor running. Eventually you can help him understand his own diagnosis which is really helpful from and emotional/confidence point of view. There are a few very positive books for children about the condition.

Talking to your GP would be a good first step. You can always pay privately for an ed psych - about 400 or so.

If might be worth posting on the SN board.
Some people prefer not to get a diagnosis if it is mild because once you have a diagnosis of AS/ASD then you have it for life. It can affect the kind of jobs that your DS would be able to apply for when older.
However if things worsen then at least with a diagnosis you can access support at home and in school.

My son has a very complex ASD. He is verbal, articulate and bright, however he has acute sensory needs and some of his ASD traits are quite severe. He needed full time 1:1 support while in ms school, sometimes he had 2:1 as he is very challenging. He has recently moved to a specialist school for autism as he couldn't cope in ms, even with the support and tbh they couldn't cope with him! Without the diagnosis he wouldn't have got a place in that school and wouldn't have got all the outreach from ss and asd outreach while in ms.

I have a friend who has a 15yo old. He is very bright, exceptional memory but a bit quirky and struggles socially. He has been assessed and he meets the criteria for a diagnosis of AS but they decided not to get a formal diagnosis at present. My friend discussed it with her son and he felt that he was doing ok and didn't want to be formally 'labelled' with AS just yet as he didn't feel he was that different and would probably fit in a bit better when he gets to uni.

The assessment process is a long one, often 12-24 months, depending on where you live so it might be worth getting in the system now. He might show some more difficulties once he starts school due to the huge changes that he will have to go through.

If you have concerns, you can raise it with your GP and ask for a referral to a specialist paediatric assessment team - where we live this includes a psychologist, a paediatrician and a speech therapist.

I would say that 3.5 is very young, and some children develop in strange/odd ways that don't follow any of the 'milestones' stated in books. I know because I have one of them! DS struggled as a baby/toddler, he would hide when we had people visiting, hated birthday parties, didn't say a single word until he was 2.5 (and spoke in sentences at 3.5); was very advanced in doing puzzles, could (and still can) do very advanced maths (such as counting backwards in 3s by 4 years old). His development was by far not what books said, and I have to admit, I was concerned bu a number of issues (lining up toys by order of size, grouping toys in colour, being fascinated by clocks and numbers). Now at 7 he has a genuine talent for maths, understands quite complex maths concepts, and is part of a Gifted and talented program at school. There are no concerns over his social skills.

By any means, mention your concerns to your GP and ask for an assessment, but in my experience the NHS doesn't diagnose anything on the autistic spectrum at an early age - unless it's severe.

My friend has a lovely child with high functioning ASD. He is main stream and managing but deep down he knows he is slightly different from the others in his class. The son doesn't know he has ASD yet but the parents intend to let him know sometime soon as they feel it will help the child understand themselves more. I expect it depends much upon the individual.

You can be high functioning ASD but the effect on your life long term may not be mild.
My DD was diagnosed at 9, at 3 there were very few signs - and I certainly didn't suspect. By 9 she was getting into trouble because she just couldn't learn the social rules by osmosis as most other children do.

I also know adults who were not diagnosed until adulthood (and some who I suspect are but am not sure if they have been diagnosed); understanding they were "different" and how and why, would have helped them a lot. One even underwent electric shock treatment for depression, when the real issue was ASD.

If I suspected/worried about a 3 year old I would go to the GP and request to see a paediatrician. Early intervention and help can make a huge difference, as can schools etc. being warned. The prejudice is something that needs to be campaigned against, as after all lots of undiagnosed people with ASD have been functioning pretty well in the past. Although lack of diagnosis can lead to its own problems.

You mention that he has found other settings a bit difficult - do you mean nursery?

If you are seeing signs already, it may not be as mild as you think in terms of the impact that it will have on your DS's ability to cope in mainstream school.

Prejudice is a worry though - although fairgame I'm unclear what jobs DS is unsuited for solely because of an ASD diagnosis, as it's such a broad spectrum?

My first move was a trip to the GP at about the same age your DS is. My DS was refereed to the Community Medical Officer then onto a Paediatrician.

He wasn't diagnosed with AS until he was 10 as the paediatrician didn't want to rush into anything. He's now doing his A levels.

I'm intrigued by fairgame's comment, once you have a diagnosis of AS/ASD then you have it for life. It can affect the kind of jobs that your DS would be able to apply for when older.

What jobs would it exclude you from?

The Army and the Police according to DS's old HT. I haven't looked into it myself as DS would never be able to do anything like that, it's just information that i was given by the Head.

www.army.mod.uk/documents/general/AFCO_Form5-U.pdf

I found a linky. It's on the Army's list of conditions that make someone unsuitable for entry to the Army.

Thank God for that, there's no way he (or I ) would want him anywhere near either of those.

He's currently applying for University, Lord knows what he'll end up doing.

Blimey fairgame those are DS's current career ambitions. Hopefully something will have changed (either in his ambitions or their restrictions) by the time it becomes relevant.

Yeah i wasn't exactly disappointed tbh, i don't fancy him getting shot! I'm kind of hoping he will do something computer based, he's just started doing computer coding at school and apparently he is a whizz at it so fingers crossed.

Oh no isitme he doesn't want to do anything except play minecraft. It was a general conversation about what DS could do when he leaves school and the HT said well he can't do Army or Police because he has ASD.
He's only 9 at the minute and i have no idea what he will do. They don't currently offer many GCSE's at his special school so i'm a bit worried about what he future holds for him.

Oh sorry i just realised you meant they were your DS's career ambitions
It's been a long day and i'm sleep deprived!

Depends. If he is going to need support in school. Ds1 is mild AS.
Nightmare at home, die to anxiety. School insist he is fine.
MN consensus us that school only do something/ offer support, if he causes them a problem.
I struggled to get a diagnosis. Now I wish I hadn't bothered.

fairgame yes, my DS's ambitions .

Computer coding sounds much more like it (from my perspective).

Oblomov sorry to hear that. Is that because it feels like a waste of energy because nothing has changed at school?

OP- we first had concerns about our snow hen he was a toddler and he was diagnosed aged 3.5. I would wholeheartedly advise you to go to your GP and ask for a referral to a developmental paediatrician for an assessment. I see absolutely no benefit in not having the assessment. The diagnosis does not change your little boy, but it does slow him access to support and services that he cannot access without a diagnosis.

To ensure you get the support he needs for nursery, school, teenage years and beyond you should get an assessment as this is the start of the process. If you didn't want to now it may well be something the school recommends the future, better to have early support and preparation for starting school. I work with teenagers who I am convinced are on the spectrum and have problems in school, yet don't have a diagnosis but their issues are still there.

Not having an assessment does not make the problems go away, in fact lack of a diagnosis in my experience equals lack of support.
And post on the SN boards for further help. Good luck

Thank you all, really pleased to have logged in tonight and seen so many responses. I suppose I don't worry about whether he is on the spectrum or not from my point of view as he is my beautiful, wonderful son and if he were to receive a diagnosis to me it is just to help understand how to help him reach his full potential.
He went to nursery at 2 and struggled, we weren't happy with them either - they seemed to struggle to get to know him, and he either followed other children in a hyper-active copying way or stayed apart - nursery did little to help this and we withdrew him a month later.
When he knows someone well he shows no signs of social difficulties, so I don't completely dismiss it not being down to shyness, but his ability to form complex sentences, how he tells and frames stories etc seems way beyond his years - he can assimilate most information and re-apply it to a completely different area with little effort. He can count, do basic math and read a number of short words. He loves to know the details of everything and you need to talk him through if those details are going to change. On the other side he can be manipulative and controlling, he gets angry outbursts for little reason and needs very clear, consistent boundaries - however overall is the most loving, affectionate boy imaginable when at home with us.
The main thing I notice is as his little brother gets older, what a different child he is. My 16mth old is far more confident in social situations and knows how to charm etc. I don't say this as a negative way to either of my boys, as they are both wonderful, just it made me realise how different they were and has made me reflect more on DS1's behaviour and the constant stream of comments I get about him being shy, grumpy or difficult - he won't automatically say hello to people or acknowledge them etc. My main and only concern really is making sure he has the emotional tools and confidence to be happy in whatever environment.

OP, my eldest son was very similar when he was a toddler. He was at nursery, part time, but really struggled with any change, break from routine etc. Didn't smile unless he was completely sure of himself. Watched the same programmes, read the same books over and over. Also had many fears, nightmares. Amazing memory.

He is 10 years now, and not on the spectrum at all. Still has wobbles, likes structure and routine - school say, he has "quirks", but basically he is a thriving, very bright, sensitive child.

Oh, and he still hates saying hello to strangers. It can look rude, but he just panics and his voice dries up. I took him round secondary schools this month, and it was so hard to even get him into the classrooms!

His younger brother is a doddle, smiles, chats, engages etc. DS1 is just so hard sometimes, but he is absolutely amazing in other ways. School adore him.

Something like 80% of people who work for NASA have some level of aspergers or autism.
One of ds1 fave subjects is space :-)

Thanks sunnyrosegarden I do wonder this as well, is he just bright and shy and has a few quirks? Both DH and I are probably considered relatively bright (don't mean that in a boastful way!) and neither of us are fantastically socially gregarious people. Is he just like us?!

My advice is the same as usual which is to speak to your doctor if you are at all concerned. It's not easy to diagnose a child as being on the AS - I'm always a bit when people offer a 'diagnoses' from an OP.

Your description of your son matches that of my sons when they were that age. My DSs are now NT adults.

You need to read " the Sensitive Child" and see if it rings any bells. I found it very helpful, just to reassure me.