Yearning for independence is driving me potty!

[CeliaBowen]

DD2 is just 3. She wants her independence, so much that if I intervene, or offer to help, or just plain old "DO IT WRONG!!!" (think cutted up pear! ) we have to back to the start and do it all over again.

This can include taking off all clothes until naked and starting again because I needed to hurry her out of the house for school run and so helped her to do up her shoes. Don't even start on the car seat!

While I was making lunch and she was happily playing, things were a bit quiet. I called her for lunch and no answer, so went to see what she was doing... playing with lego, with no pants. I asked if she'd had an accident, was told "no", and then I got a bit closer...

She'd had a poo in the potty and attempted cleanup all by herself...
She's now had a shower and I have anti-bacced the walls of the downstairs loo ...

I just want her to be a bit LESS independent sometimes! If only from a hygeine point of view!

oops, "hygiene"

I totally get the hygiene point of view. My DS keeps wiping his own bottom and not well! I havent disencouraged it, just insisted that mummy need to finish him off so he must tell me if he has a poo. This works because he is never given in to on anything - I couldn't as he is very wilful and spirited.

Which brings me to my next point: the pear...dont redo it. If she doesnt like it - tough. The more you redo things her way, the more she will demand. Tantrums will follow but dont give in. My DS doesnt bother to tantrum as it gets him nowhere.

I do sit down and discuss everything with him as he loves to get his point across and argue (maddening!). Sometimes he is right and I will change somethimg for him. But not just for an easy life.

this way is tougher than tough to start if she has been used to mummy redoing the pear. But the stronger you are, the quicker things will change.

p.s she would likely enjoy chopping that pear up herself.

Can you show her how to wipe herself and ditch the potty? So she has to use the toilet giving you more chance of hearing her.

My dd is similar - some things I gently tell her (without saying no, this is like pouring petrol on a flame) that I'm not going to do something. Eg if her food is cut the wrong way I tell her it tastes the same. She usually comes back to it.

Getting dressed - I give her loads and loads of time. I also hide unsuitable clothes (no, dd, you cannot wear that thin cotton dress on a cold autumn morning!)

I don't remember my eldest being like this but I suspect it is because I had more time/patience having just the one!

We haven't hit this issue full throttle yet but its starting to happen. DD is 2.3 yrs and is showing some signs of this type of thing. If I try to help her out of the car seat she shouts at me and once she fell out of the car onto the floor (she wasn't hurt) and insisted she get back in to do it all over again the right way this time. It takes forever to get her in and out of the car. She wont let me help her to get in the pushchair or out (which again takes forever while I wait for her to do it herself). Coat, shoes all have to be done herself. Shoes on the wrong feet while I (gently) try to tell her she needs to put them on the right feet. Again all takes a million years to get her out of the house!

lolfestivalqueen we didn't have a ppear, "cutted up pear" is a MN classic from years ago. :)

The thing is, DD hasn't done a poo in the potty for ages! I have no idea when - she always uses the loo!

For the record, I wouldn't have redone the pear, although I have been known to (pretend) to re-wrap a peeled banana
No pandering, plenty of tantrums!

Here is the pear thread - hilarious

I'm with you on the independence thing (cutted up pear is hilarious!) but luckily for me ds is a bit OCD about cleanliness & is a bit too obvious & noisy for me not to notice.

Last week I asked him if he wanted to eat a banana, yes, got banana opened it at top so he could peel it, got shouted at, dh got another banana, ds proceeded to carry it round the park for an hour & didn't eat it!

Generally though, we're a bit not compromising, esp in the morning. He did end up in the car on the way to nursery with no tshirt, no coat & no shoes last week cos he wasn't complying!

Ha CeliaBowen it all makes sense

Anyway, pear or no pear, I wouldnt redo a banana ; 0)

I always admire parents of tantrumers im public. Looks to me as though they are standing their ground
Very strong.