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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

My 4 year old keeps running out the house!

37 replies

hodgesmum · 17/09/2014 19:06

Me and my son have recently moved to a new house, theres loads of children in the street but they are all a couple of years older than him. but whenever he sees them outside he runs out the house to go and play wit them no matter what the time is. he mostly plays out side my house,which is fine because i can see him but sometimes he goes further and i cant see him, and although i know the area very well and i know its safe im just scared something happens and i cant find him. And because im a single parent i often find myself having to get my neighbor through to sit in my house while i go out looking for him in case he comes home and the house is empty. is this normal for 4 year olds to do this?

OP posts:

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DishwasherDogs · 17/09/2014 19:10

Lock the door and keep the keys in your pocket.
He shouldn't be going out without your permission.
At four I would think he's far too young to further than you can see, so I would be setting down boundaries, show him where he can go, if he goes further he comes straight in.

atticusclaw · 17/09/2014 19:15

Lock the door, he's four.

Mintyy · 17/09/2014 19:16

No, it is not normal and you should not let him out alone.

Original poster

Hodgesmum · 17/09/2014 19:21

I know hes far too young and most of the time i do lock the door. Iv tried setting down boundaries but he doesnt listen, he laughs and runs away. dont get me wrong he does mostly just play out the front but there has been a couple of occasions where i couldnt see him and i panic. The children in the street are about 5/6ish and they are allowed out further than he is, so he thinks its ok to just go with them without telling me. im just finding its hard to control and discipline is one thing im struggling with

OP posts:

Sunflowersareblue · 17/09/2014 19:24

What do you mean!?! Why are you not locking the door and putting the key where he can't reach it?? You should never, at any point of any day, not know where your four year old is. He should never, ever, be able to get out of your house without you being there and going out with him,

Why on earth do you think it is ok for him to leave the house on his own? When I get in the house, I lock the door and put the key where my dc can't get it. They have never ever been out without me, they wouldn't even try or know how to unlock the door and wouldn't be able to reach the key even if they wanted to!

Aleeia · 17/09/2014 19:37

i do lock the doors but its when i am outside, hanging out the washing or just sitting outside, i let him go out to play at the park is right in front of my house and i watch him, but if i go in the house for a moment he has run away a couple of times, just following the older children. i was just wondering if it was the age he was at. im only 19 so im just looking for advice

Littlefish · 17/09/2014 19:43

It partly is the age that he's at, so you really mustn't leave him alone outside, not even for a minute. If you go inside, you have to take him in with you.

He is 4. It's up to you to set the rules and stick to them.

Have you had any contact with your children's centre or health visitor? They may be able to offer you some support with setting appropriate routines/boundaries etc.

Smartiepants79 · 17/09/2014 19:43

Four is very young to be out alone.
I'm afraid if he can't be trusted to stay near you and where you can see him then you might have to stop letting him out unless you are right there supervising. So if you are doing another job such as putting washing out he must stay inside.
I'm not sure i would let my 4 yr old out on the street and she would never run off.
Lock the doors when he is supposed to be in and only allowed out when you are right there.

Aleeia · 17/09/2014 19:47

iv not really had any contact from my health visitor since he was about 2, but i am going to try and get in contact with her as i am struggling alot with discipline

TheHouseatWhoCorner · 17/09/2014 19:49

Bring him with you when you need to go inside. He's not old enough to be allowed out alone.

Mintyy · 17/09/2014 19:55

Very confusing as op appears to have namechanged half way through the thread.

It's not a question of "discipline", its a question of certain things never ever being allowed. Does he try to boil the kettle/cook a meal/put his head in the toilet? He's simply not allowed to do those things, no question, and it is the same with him not going out without you.

mathanxiety · 17/09/2014 19:56

So lock the door and don't go inside if he is out?

If he can unlock the door, then you need to put a bolt high up. I had to do this after DD2 got out one day and ran off (I had to call the police to find her, was terrifying...)

I had to get really organised about timing of housework when mine were smaller and I resigned myself to having a chunk of time when I was able to supervise them out playing with the other kids. I got laundry done at night and dinner together early in the morning, followed by housework where they 'helped' and then some of the afternoon out with a big travel mug of tea watching them playing.

Playing outside is good for them and having company to play with is really great, but you can't let them roam around freely at that age. I was really strict about how far they could go on their own and if they went further they got hauled in immediately despite tantrums or crying, and sent to their rooms. Traffic was too busy just a short distance away, and there was a train station too -- too many people coming and going.

Aleeia · 17/09/2014 19:57

Whats the right age to let them out alone? i remember running about when i was 4 and i felt safe and obviously my parents thought so too. its a shame that society these days have children from the age of 2-3 up playing computer games and stuck in front on the tv instead of playing outside and doing what children are supposed to do

Littlefish · 17/09/2014 19:58

Aleeia - I'm sure your HV will be able to support you. It's hard being a parent, isn't it!

Iggly · 17/09/2014 20:00

Or take your 4 year old to the park?

My 4 year old isn't allowed out alone. Too many cars so dangerous. So we take him out.

Hurr1cane · 17/09/2014 20:01

You should definitely not be letting your 4 year old outside unsupervised. There is absolutely no reason why this would ever be necessary. Ever.

My DS is 8 with disabilities and I'm a single mum. He never leaves my sight. Not even in the house.

My door has a chain on as well as being locked and the downstairs windows are locked if he's in escape mode.

He doesn't have to be on the computer, you should be outside supervising him at all times. The door should always be locked.

Vitalstatistix · 17/09/2014 20:03

Yes it is common. This is why you have to be responsible for their safety because they are not able to be.

This means you have to ensure that he can't get out.

The right age to let them out alone is the age at which they do not run off laughing while you are calling them back, and they don't disappear off, leaving you worried. The age at which they understand basic safety. None of that currently applies to your son, therefore he is too young to be somewhere without you right there.

He can get loads of fresh air, can play outside a lot. You just have to be actively supervising him. Be where he is. In your house across the road is not good enough.

You need locks, and bolts and chains and to plan play.

When he's a bit older, then you can begin to give him more freedom. When he is old enough to understand the rules and obey them.

mathanxiety · 17/09/2014 20:03

I think it depends on traffic and whether a child seems responsible. I didn't let mine out unsupervised until they were at least 6/7 and really seemed able to understand that they needed to stay within calling distance. They also needed to be able to show me that if they were going into someone's house or back garden they had to come home and tell me their plans -- basically every time their plans changed they needed to inform me.

Hurr1cane · 17/09/2014 20:03

Oh and the only time my DS sits in front of a computer is if we are doing some learning together, we are outside 80% of the day, together. Climbing trees and playing in streams. You should be doing this stuff with your DS or at least supervising it. Not just leaving him.b

Vitalstatistix · 17/09/2014 20:03

locks, bolts and chains for your door and gate, of course, not for your son

Mintyy · 17/09/2014 20:05

My children didn't have any electronic devices until they were 8 or 9 and then it was only a Nintendo ds.

Do you work, op? If not you will have time in the day to take him to a park or somewhere to run around. Does he go to a school nursery? Hopefully they will let him play out safely there.

Aleeia · 17/09/2014 20:05

i do take him out, all the time. as i said this has only happened on a couple of occasions. my doors are locked and the majority of the time he is always in sight. i was just trying to find out if this is normal for his age group to do this

LynetteScavo · 17/09/2014 20:11

My 4yo used to run off, so I locked the doors, and after the incident where his Reception teacher and TA did their home visit, and he climbed out of the living room window, I locked the windows too.

4yo's run off and get lost in their own world when they are playing.

Aleeia · 17/09/2014 20:11

Yes i work and he is at nursery. i do go out and play with him most of the time. The park is not across the road from my house either it is literally at the end of my garden. i wouldnt let him there if i didnt think it was safe enough. i know im probably coming across as a bad mother but i do try my hardest. its just hard, as i have no family around to ask for advise

Hurr1cane · 17/09/2014 20:11

He needs to be in sight ALL the time. You can't just pop in for a coffee and leave him.

The behaviour is normal for his age and that's why you need to watch him.

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