3 Wk old: If he's not eating or sleeping he's crying. We're losing the plot quickly!!

[Elguapo]

Hello My wife and I have just added a beautiful little boy to the neighbourhood, but unfortunately as beautiful as we may think he is and as happy as we are to have him, he seems to be having some serious trouble just "existing" in the world at the moment. The main issue is that he has begun to unconsolably scream and cry for hours at a time throughout the day and night. If he is not eating or sleeping (which he almost never does) he is crying. He is only three weeks old and I appreciate that everything around him, and all the sensations both internally and externally are probably pretty intense at this stage, however three weeks of intense sleep deprivation has broken us both down and we are finding our coping abilities are beginning to crumble.

I suppose our question is "Is this normal?" I know all babies are different and all babies cry or are fussy, don't sleep etc etc. But when does screaming and crying become something to be concerned about? We tried very hard to study up and become as informed as we possibly could regarding what was to come, developmental stages, fourth trimester, calming techniques (Dr. Karp, slings) etc, but nothing has prepared us for the intensity of our little man's constant upset. It is definitely affecting our ability to bond with him as we would like to because we rarely have the opportunity to see a calm contented baby.

We are tired of the well intentioned "welcome to parenthood" comments from friends and the like and would love to at least hear that we are not the only people that have gone through this. Everyone keeps saying "it will all get better, I promise", but when? The magic number that keeps coming up is three months, does that mean we have to endure three months of guantanamo levels of sleep deprivation before it gets better? I literally broke down in tears at the thought of not being able to bond with this amazing little boy who we wanted so badly because of this issue.

He was given a full clean bill of health and is putting on weight, so as far as anyone can tell he is as healthy as can be. Of course there are the million and one worse case scenarios that go through our heads that he has some horrible disease, is neuro A-typical or worst of all we have done something to cause all of this chaos for this little guy. My gut feeling is that he's only three weeks old and that even though it's pretty intense at the moment, what we're dealing with is hard but normal and it will indeed get better.

We would really appreciate hearing any of your similar experiences and or solutions you may have found along the way. I'm not sure there is an answer to our questions, Nevertheless a little help and support can go a long way.

DS was checked multiple times for tongue tie both anterior and posterior multiple times at the hospital twice by paediatricians and once by the midwife and he's definitely not tongue tied. We saw the GP and got a prescription yesterday for infant Gaviscon, the results of which look promising but needs a good week before we can say for sure. The same can be said for the craniosacral therapy sessions from last week, we just have to wait and see.

Saying all of that and trying not to be too optimistic, He seems to be a bit different over this last week. He has had at least 5 or 6 moments when he seemed completely relaxed and just hanging out and happy for more than 10 minutes at a time, which is a massive change compared to the majority of the last few weeks. He's also easier to settle and is sleeping longer, although he still seems truly upset by the idea of being awake. If he's not sleeping it's basically an all day activity trying to keep him calm or entertained with some sort of movement.

Regarding the comment above, we totally agree that the reality of a new baby vs what we thought it would be has been quite shocking and more challenging that we ever thought. I know this will all start to mellow at some point and if my senses are correct I think we might be starting to turn a corner already. My wife is definitely taking the physical brunt of all of this as not only is she sleep deprived but she is supplying breakfast, lunch and dinner to our little guy and breast feeding has definitely been posing it's own challenges, low supply difficulty with getting a good latch consistently etc. I'm looking forward to laughing about it all in the future.

hi didn't want to read and run, sounds like things poss might be improving and its great that u have gaviscon. From what you've described it does sound very much like silent reflux if he is not puking up loads. Gaviscon might work well but if it doesn't go back and ask for 1 of these Ranitidine, Losec, or Domperidone. they seem to work better for silent reflux.

my dd (dc 3) is now 7 months but when she was first born I was convinced that she had silent reflux - constant hiccups, - coughing, gaging, spluttering when bf, - spitting up ages after the last feed, - suddenly screaming in obvious pain about 30 or so mins of being led down to sleep, - hearing gurgling and wheezing. I used to make sure I kept her upright after feeding for at least 30 mins before finally laying her down. this did help a little.
however I also thought that maybe it was all due to a very fast letdown which I knew I had but which didn't seem to bother my other dc when they were little. So I looked into and used the advice about positions when feeding. I made sure that as many feeds as poss were down with me laying back supported with pillows and dd as upright as poss. it was kinda like a modified rugby ball hold.
this did seem to work and the symptoms did seem to ease off a little so I kept putting off using the gaviscon as she no longer seemed in pain.

by 12/13 weeks practically all the symptoms disappeared and she was like a different baby so it will pass!!!

also if low supply is an issue try fenugreek (does make you smell of curry though!) and porridge is supposed to be good for low supply. these lactation cookie recipie is good 1 cup self raising wholemeal flour (if you have plain flour, add 1/2 tsp baking powder)
1/2 cup low fat butter (I use virgin coconut oil sometimes, it makes them go lush!!)
3/4 cup brown sugar
2 tablespoons flaxseed meal
1 egg
2-3 tablespoons of water (depends if you prefer moister cookies)
1 tablespoon vanilla
1 teaspoon cinnamon
1-2 tablespoons of brewers yeast (i usually add TONES more for extra potency!).
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 & 1/2 cups oats (get the thicker cut oats if you can)
I usually double up all the mixture and leave half the mix to eat raw as that is super duper potent! guarantee satisfaction every time!

3 weeks? Growth spurt?
Babies are bloody hard work, im glad im past the baby stage. I hope things improve soon.

Ok, so he's been checked for tongue tie and it's not that (though that said... doctors and midwives can often get it wrong... but let's assume they are right here)

If Gaviscon appears to help then I'd say the most likely culprit is silent reflux.

If it persists despite the gaviscon, and if you reckon it is reflux, suggest you go back to the GP and ask for Ranitidine - it is MUCH more effective than gaviscon, and easier to get into a BF baby. Also my (excellent) GP tells me it has very few side effects so no real downside to giving it. Another thing to try if it persists (and if you are sure it is reflux) is your wife going dairy free because reflux is often linked to dairy allergy - this is bloody hard work though and she needs the calcium, so she shouldn't do it unless it's clear there is a reflux problem and the drugs aren't helping. Hopefully if your DS does have reflux he will grow out of it quickly and you'll never get to the stage of needing the stronger drugs or dairy free.

There is also likely to be a big element of overtiredness - if he's been barely sleeping for a while he will be horribly overtired which in turn makes him harder to get to sleep and more likely to ping awake when you put him down or after a v short nap. The more sleep you can get into him one way or another (walks in the buggy/sling perhaps) the better this will get. 4 weeks is a classic time for overtiredness anyway as it's when they start being more inquisitive and less sleepy, so often have to be persuaded to sleep rather than just dropping off.

Best of luck and keep us posted.

Haven't read all the above posts so hoping I have the gist of it right, just wanted to offer support. DD is 22 months now and thinking back to when she was 3 weeks gives me shivers!

I know that helplessness and exhaustion feeling very well! She had silent reflux and an undiagnosed tongue tie... No matter how much I went on at health visitors, midwife, GP no one spotted it. At 6 weeks I took her to see the osteopath for a cranial, she spotted it and within a week in hospital getting fixed, a week later she was a completely different baby and we finally started to move on.

As soon as the tongue tie was sorted the reflux seemed like a more manageable issue. Propping her Moses basket helped a lot with that. So my message is, hang in there, it will be over soon, you'll get into a routine and life will return to normal...

Hi OP, this is a long shot as you posted this originally 6 years ago, but I am in the same position with my baby now.

I just wanted to know if you ever found out what was wrong, and when things go easier - I am having a hard time all round and so is baby!

I would look into cranial osteopathy, a good sling, a white noise app and infacol! It will get better and I'm doing it all again for a third time!