5 year old ruining holiday with appalling behaviour

[Whatalife58]

My child is on a holiday with me (single mother) visiting family and friends he has never met before. We have travelled to another country. I am at a loss at how to manage him and quite frankly have felt like crying my eyes out. When he first met my brother and sister he said 'But you are elderly'. That was probably unintentional rudeness but it has been so hard. He interrupts and refuses to back down if someone says wait a minute. He argues with my sister in law who has been kind and firm with him. He got angry tonight and grabbed an expensive camera and tried to dismantle it. When I told him it was bedtime (he had a 5 minute warning) he threw a toy at the TV and shouted. I understand he is stressed and out of routine and have given him lots of hugs and reassurance. I am stressed too. I have no idea what he will do next. He is totally out of control. Today he ran away from me when we were at a wildlife centre which he like. He shouts I am hurting him when I hold his hand. What can I do?

I'm so glad that things are a bit better today. Good luck. I know what you mean about how "trying" to relax is a bit counterproductive! The best I can suggest is , or and reminding yourself that if you aren't a perfect parent you are definately not alone...

Yeap. My PFB had terrible tantrums when she was two and I had always been very judgemental when I saw a toddler having a tantrum and it seemed like everyone around was saying that their children had never had tantrums it was a really stressful time.

But it was only when a friend said oh she's just like my boy was that I calmed down about it all and soon afterwards the tantrums ended. So the best thing is to stop thinking about other people think. Their own children have also at times been appalling, no matter how much they may have "forgotten".

How is his behaviour at school/how was it when he first started?

Today we had the day together. It was ok but my son is throwing tantrums, argueing and being very tearful. Then he is all sort of revved up and hyper in a babyish sort of way. When he is like this it is very difficult to engage him or to get him to listen. I do find this concerning.Tomorrow we will have a quiet day and hopefully we can both just "let go". I think that is what needs to happen.

Sounds like he's competing for your attention. And doing it in the worst way possible.

I think you need to take him to one side away from everyone and say that this is your holiday too, and that his being rude to your family is unacceptable and wrong. That there won't be any more holidays if he continues to behave like this. He is responsible for his behaviour and being tired, out of routine is one thing, arguing back, biting and insulting people is NOT the son you raised him to be.

Take him out on your own today/tomorrow, by the sounds of it your friends will welcome the break. Talk to him. Be clear. If he's rude to them in any way shape or form he goes on the step, or straight up to bed.

Use the time alone with him to explain this VERY clearly.

Then if he plays up act without fuss or drama and simply remove him from the situation and remind him that this was what was agreed.

If you can't get a hold on this now, it won't get any easier and he'll make it so that you'll be isolated from friends and family. Which ultimately will make him suffer as a result of reduced interaction.

Thanks Hissy. I have at the onset talked sternly to my son. I have removed him from the most serious incidents. This has resulted in full on meltdowns with screaming and shouting and him running away from me. Once as a family group sat down for supper always at public family get togethers. I haven't been with my family for years so am reluctant to miss these situations (not the meltdown) and it isn't as easy as just removing my son. Clearly if this happened at home or at a friend's in rhe UK I would act accordingly.

I think because he knows you won't/can't remove him completely, and that you'll be mortified so more vulnerable is possibly the reason why he ramps it up.

I get the not getting him away, but a shock tactic of leaving the meal/event once and apologising for his behaviour might just show him that you will follow through.
I think he sees the chink in your armour and is using it to the max.

You can be consistent and carry through your threats longer than he can.

He's old enough to understand, albeit too young to be emotionally able to communicate his issues, but that's no excuse to ruin your holiday or that of your family.

Battle of wills, perhaps, but one you have no option than to win. In a few years time, when he's well practised in this stuff, you won't have a prayer of pulling him back around.

I don't envy you, I really hope you can get through to him. It's a miserable situation for you and for him.

When he's calmed himself, does he cry and seek reassurance?

Mine used to kick off a bit (only with mw though, so difficult tbh) and once i'd got angry with him he'd cry and it'd turn out he needed cuddles/affection.

He'd play up if there were others to compete with.

I told him that if he wanted attention or cuddles to talk to me, but not blow up to get them. Eventually it worked...

5 is shit. It passes though!

Sorry, I meant different not difficult :)

Yes he cries and needs lots of cuddles after the meltdown. I understand it is a bit of a battle of wills and am very much aware of the need to get on top of discipline and boundaries now. That is what is causing me the most anxiety. Today he has (at times been his regular self) I have removed him once from a social event. He had a major tantrum but I am going to remindhim that the same thing will happen again if he answers back argues or is rude.

OMG my son was pretty much ok for the whole day - calmer, nicer and smiling.

That great Whatalife. Hope it continues.

Wow! Sounds like you may have shown him!

Fingers crossed!

I had to sit mine down and explain that if he wanted cuddles and kisses, he could have them whenever, but he absolutely didn't need to kick off to get them.

Encouraging him to talk aboit what he's feeling, getting him to draw wtc, that may give him the expression he needs?

He's 5, right? So Year R? Going to Yr1?

Maybe the 'dad' thing, they start to notice family structures, and some bugger cherub will say something that un-nerves them. They don't know what to do/say about it, so internalise it and regress somehow.

Tell him how proud you are of his behaviour today, ask him to think about how being 'good' makes him and everyone feel. Get him to be more aware of how he influences the world around him, and how the world affects him.

You sound as if you're doing well today! Well done! :)

Thanks Hissy I might have been a bit optimistic. Today he wasn't great. When he has calmed down I talk to him about how he feels and he says he feels so sad. Which is quite genuine. He cannot explain why. I find this upsetting too.
I think that he is doubly unsettled because we had to move house (totally unplanned) a few weeks before the holiday.

He is responding when I tell him off but I am trying to give him praise wirhin reason.

This isn't an overnight fix. Keep talking. Find out how rational the sadness is. If it's not, show him.

I sympathise. My DD (4) was soooo difficult on our holiday. It was exhausting. It was quite an adult holiday and I wondered if that had something to do with it. I have decided I am going to one of those campsites with entertainment and swimming pools etc next time as I think it is the only way I will get any sort of break!