Help needed please...manic 9 week old!

[TearingMyHairOut]

My ds1 is now just over nine weeks old and has been absolutely manic since the day we brought him home from hospital. He breatfed for 2/3 weeks and is now bottle fed.

We have gone to the route of doctors and hospitals and they have suggested colic/ reflux which we are treating as advised. We have recently managed to get him into a little more of a bedtime routine and he has one good stint of sleep usually 7-2 or 9-4 which I know is quite decent for this age. Only he often won't go back to sleep after that, and if he does, it's only for an hour or so. This is leaving me exhausted.

During the day he cries, really cries, a huge amount - sometimes normal crying, sometimes a pained cry and I obviously go throught the checklist but usually fail to resolve the problem. We have been to see a cranial osteopath, which seemed to improve feeding but had no effect on behaviour. I am doing baby massage too. The calmest I see him is when we are at home alone. He gets incredibly stressed when around other people, even my family, or if there are just lots of voices.

When I see other similar aged babies at mother and baby group they just seem to lie there on the mat, completely content. And other mums tell me that if their baby wakes at 6 in the morning, they can leave them in their cot for 3/4 hour or so amusing themselves. This sounds unreal - the minutes mine opens his eyes he starts screaming.

I just can't understand how one little boy can be so unhappy. Is this just something he'll grow out of - or am I doing something wrong???

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Hi, despite all the crying you must not think that your baby is unhappy, I am sure that you are not doing anything wrong - some babies are very niggly, particularly if they get over tired.
Sometimes our baby can cry and be "ratty" for what seems like hours and you can't even get a cup of tea. He is now eleven weeks old and I have set about using a dummy after his first feed - I don't put the big lights on and bottle feed him from our bed with a quick nappy change -he does try to engage us in play but we put his lullaby on or some classical music and pretty much try to ignore him - he even associates one calming CD with sleep and even if he doesn't actually fall asleep, he will doze.
I can't say that every baby is the same, Tom likes to have a good kick about on the play mat -and gets especially worn out if I hang a mirror in front of him!
I don't attend baby groups if I can help it, part of it is confidence on my part - I don't have any! And the second reason is, Tom is completely different around other people, its as if he is selective over who he wants to go to and only really calms down if I or his daddy pick him up when he is crying.
I had the same problem with lots of family descending on us and limited everyone (including my mom which went down like a lead balloon at first) on when they could visit. Now Thomas is comfortable with certain people and as long as they are in the room with him when others are around, he is more relaxed. I let my mom/brothers and sister change, feed and bath Tom so that he is comfortable with them.
Please don't let the crying and unsettled nights get on top of you, you are a good mom and some babies can occupy themselves, others need constant chatting to and smiles. Its exhausting isn't it?!!!!!

Taking him outside seems to be the only thing that stops him crying. Oh and putting him in a sling but he's getting too heavy for that now!

He does spend tme on the playmat and bouncy chair and this can occupy him for ten mins or so.

If he only sleeps for 7 hours at night and a few hours in the day - this is no where near the amount he needs for this age??? I give him the chance to go to sleep by swaddling him (which he now associates with sleep time) but he just won't. Surely he needs more than 11 ish hours a day.

Having had this one first, I don't know if I'll ever be brave enough to have a second...I used to want four!

He sounds like a sensitive soul who is overstimulated by life at the moment.

Do you have a sling not a front upright carrier like a baby bjorn but a fabric ring that he can snuggle down in and you can carry him about and get on with day to day chores? This may settle him as it sounds like he wants lots of physical mummy time.

It also sounds like he is short on sleep which will make him more fretful, at 9wks i would expect him to have 16hrs or so every 24.

Does he have a regular daily plan, eating at set times, playing, sleeping? i like The Baby Whisperers techniques as they are tailored to fit individual babies needs, ie: eat at 07,10,13,16,19,23 with playtime then sleep of no more than 2h a time, i wake babies to stick to the eat times and seem to have good results.

I would have to agree with the other mums who have posted here. My baby boy sounded very similar to yours at that age and a lot of my freinds kept saying that i should just leave him to cry as it is imply attention seeking. I didn't agree and continued to pick him up and reassure him all the time. I have also found a dummy helps and distraction like my singing (which distracts most people!!!) or simply walking round the house talking to him. He began to settle a lot more at 3months and is now much more contented. He only seems to cry now when he is hungry, over tired or over stimulated...which is still every few hours but at least i know why he's crying and usually what to do.
You are not doing anything wrong and each baby is different but hang in there and it wil get better.
With regards to other people try keeping him on your lap when other people area around so he can get used used to them but with the comfort of you!
You are doing fine with the sounds of it but make sure you get some "me-time" as well!

Yeah we have looked at Baby Whisperer. We tend to feed at 6, 9.30, 13.00, 16.00, 19.00 and then when he wakes in the night which is usually 02.00 ish. I used to wake him at ten for another feed but he still woke up at 02.00 anyway so I just let him sleep through. I agree he's probably overtired, but i can't get him to sleep. I swaddle him, tried him in a dark room, tried him downstairs, tried the pram. He fights it all the time, it's like he's afraid he's going to miss out on something. Somethimes if he does have an extra couple of hours in the day, his night feed is even shorter and I end up with about 4 hours sleep myself.
I find the sling too heavy to carry for long, he's 12 1/2 lb now.

Yeah we have looked at Baby Whisperer. We tend to feed at 6, 9.30, 13.00, 16.00, 19.00 and then when he wakes in the night which is usually 02.00 ish. I used to wake him at ten for another feed but he still woke up at 02.00 anyway so I just let him sleep through. I agree he's probably overtired, but i can't get him to sleep. I swaddle him, tried him in a dark room, tried him downstairs, tried the pram. He fights it all the time, it's like he's afraid he's going to miss out on something. Somethimes if he does have an extra couple of hours in the day, his night feed is even shorter and I end up with about 4 hours sleep myself.
I find the sling too heavy to carry for long, he's 12 1/2 lb now.

Me-time...what's that? I have make-up on only one eye so far. He's granted me some time now and I thought it wiser to come on the internet than finish my face!

Thomas still has to be held sometimes before he settles - and when you think he is a sleep and put him down - he wakes up and begins to moan a little. It broke my heart the other day, he kept moaning just to get us back to the travel cot and when we got there he would smile. I kept kissing him without saying anything, putting his dummy in and walking away - he would then spit his dummy out and the process would start again! It took nine times before he succumbed to his tiredness and then he slept for only an hour. He takes short naps all day and we try to wear him out in the evening - but he won't fall asleep on his own very easily - likes to lie on the sofa with us or in his rocking chair next to us...
I don't think you are doing anything wrong! - Tom is my first and I often worry that keeping him really close the way I do will make things harder in the future, but then another part of me says that he is learning as much as I am, and being so young, if he wants a cuddle - I'm going to give it to him...
Every baby is different, some won't sleep as much as others - you know when your baby is tired and if like Tom, he doesn't want to miss anything, he will get overtired and a tad moody!
Try putting him down at the same time everyday and try to get him to associate sleep with something - like putting a blanket over him and kissing his cheek, giving him a comforter, closing the curtains etc - it may take some time to work but we have managed to establish a mid afternoon kip for Tom (its his only one though!)
Hang in there!

I applaud you for getting one eye of make up completed!!!! - I am yet to get showered and dressed today - how awful but the housework has taken precedent this morning and Tom has been hyper all morning - one hour on his play mat and I have put him down for a nap, although I can see him looking at me out of the corner of his eye!!!
The next thing will be another feed!!! I stopped waking Tom up for a late feed in the hope that he would sleep through, I found it disturbed him too much. He actually manages most nights to go from a 9.30pm feed through to 5.30am at the earliest and sometimes 7pm - I have found that the deeper the sleep, the warmer the baby (within reason) and the cosier he is, the better he sleeps.
Your baby will eventually be feeding enough and be active enough to want more sleep - its so hard, but you are only a couple of weeks behind us and Tom was doing exactly the same thing.

Thank you for your help! Everyone's been saying to us since about three weeks "give it a couple of weeks" but most newer mums I've spoekn to say 11/12 weeks-3months seems to be the magic(?) time.
I think my husband would have probably appreciated the housework being done more than one eye of make-up!

Sounds like you're having a grotty time.

If its any consolation my ds is 9 weeks too, and also sleeps for about 11 hours in 24 - 7 hours at night (thankfully in a block) and 3-4 hours in naps during the day. I think its just all babies are different as other people have said, and different people need different amounts of sleep!

Ignore people at baby groups who tell you their child is a model baby. They're either lying or completely insensitive! All babies are hard work. Mine certainly is!

Mine also screamed blue murder for the first 2-3 weeks, turned out to be colic, and infacol has worked brilliantly for him, but I know other people have found colief or gripe water worked better for them.

Dance music also works brilliantly for my little one, no idea why. He also likes 'white noise' from the hoover, hairdryer etc.

Just remember that things will almost certainly get better as he gets older. I know how tough it can be, though.

Hope things get better soon

I wouldn't worry - I would rather feel human than have a semi-clean house - actually only managed to hoover and put a load of washing in anyway!!! I think that the three month stage seems easier - but then you get warnings of teething etc!!!!!!
The nice thing to remember is that once one bad moment is over, you can't have it again and every little smile, giggle or sound makes it worth it - although some days more than others!!
Speaking of which, little one is awake and not due a feed for at least another forty minutes!!! - Some nap!!!!!!!!!

Hi
I sympathise with you all.. both my DDs (now 2 and 4 ) were dreadful babies.. cried all the time, fussed, never slept for more than 2 hours at a stretch. Only thing that improved sleep for DD1 was putting her on her front at 9 weeks to sleep- I know that is frowned upon but my HV suggested it as I was in such a state- DD had had traumatic birth ( 27 hour induced labour, ventouse, forceps) and had huge gouges on her head from forceps and sleeping on her front was more comfortable. In the end I was hiding from the world like someone else on here said, but really that's the worst thing I could have done as I just got so depressed.. get out, get fresh air fro you if not the little one, contact the NCT to get you in touch with a group near you- find a likeminded mum with a difficult baby like yours and have a good moan! That's what helped me..
And PLEASE don't even think abotu the housework.. if the baby sleeps you sleep or relax.. watch crap tv or something

Its funny you say that, Tom settles much better on his side than his back and on pillows, which are frowned upon - we only use them if we are in the room with him and they are quite firm - he doesn't really like lying flat.

My DS also hated sleeping directly flat and my health visitor suggested putting one end of his cot on a couple of bricks. This worked from word go...might be worth a try?

good luck to you all - my first ds took a lot of entertaing too = spent a LOT of time walking round the garden with him, and putting music on and dancing, both of which calmed us both down. If it's any consolation, they DO get easier & calmer (honest ) and I firmly believe that it's largely a temprament issue - my second dd is, and has been from birth, a much more chill individual.

My only advice would be, to get them to nap as much as you can - unfortunetly, lots of these demanding/sensitive ones struggle to get themselves off to sleep, then get over-tired, then struggle to get off to sleep etc etc - a really hard cycle to break (and not one I managed to break with ds!), but certainly worth trying!! And when they do sleep, do whatever makes you feel good - sleep/make-up etc!!

Oh year, and ignore all the smug mums with their easy, well-behaved babies - try telling yourself that a) their kids are going to be really dull!! and b) hopefully, they'll have difficult second babies, whereas you'll be owed a good one

PLus, if you think people get them upset, just tell 'em to back off/find ways to limit exposure (oh dear, we've got to get going now, it's his nap time...)LIke combacksummer, I'd reccommend getting in touch with your loacl NCT - I managed to hook up with someone whose baby was much grumpier than mine, which made me feel much better - our kids are still best mates !

A good trick when your out and about is to have the insect net or raincover down so people can't touch the baby or lean into the pram.

Hust wander the streets or round the park, muslin over the pram will give him less visual stimulation and if you go ut at the same time morning and afternoon for him to nap then you may find after doing it every day just popping him in the pram/getting it ready to go could find him asleep or within a few minutes of moving and he may then settle in his cot.

I often put baby in a raised position, usually rolled towels under the mattress with rolled muslins under the sheet to form a valley, often settles a grumpy baby.

Try running the hoover as he will hear it and feel the vibrations.

please remember that changing or implementing a routine will take time to work as you are changing things that have taken root over 9 weeks.

I like the rain cover idea on the pram, there is nothing more annoying than a complete strange putting there head into your pram/pushchair to look at your child. Why can't they control their curiosity or at least have the curtesy to say something nice to the mother?!

Hi, I found my ds started to settle a few weeks after starting baby massage and I used to let him kick around with no nappy on, just in his cot (lots of towels - very messy) but he loved it!! This kept him active and it used to make him sleep better, I used to resort to stripping him naked 3/4 times a day sometimes just to get some peace and I found the baby einstein playmat fantstic it has flashing lights on top keeps ds amused for ages (even longer if he has no nappy on). He did settle down at about 12 weeks and now at 5 months is a dream baby, so don't worry I think it just takes a while for them to settle into this strange cold place, they would really just like to go back where they came from!! hugs for you XX
p.s. Housework is overated! I used to say to my dad I wasn't getting anything done because ds would only sleep when I was cuddling him and he said 'there are worse ways to spend your time'!! I think this is so true!!

Hi,

I too had DS2 who sounds very much like your little one (now two and still bonkers!). I think the two best things we did were 1) to accept his behaviour as normal for him and not to compare to other children. When you stop fighting with your conscious about what you think he SHOULD be like and accept how he is then it is a real relief! My DS2 was also colicy and windy and sicky. we changed his formula to Omneo Comfort (Cow and Gate) which made quite a difference. It is thicker than normal formula and is gentler on the tummy than most.
As has been said before, things do get better with age he is obviously quite a sensitive soul who wants to be with you, just go with with it and dont feel you have to apologise for it! x

You need a new sling if he is too heavy at 9 weeks - I carried a 14 month old!