Help needed please...manic 9 week old!

[TearingMyHairOut]

My ds1 is now just over nine weeks old and has been absolutely manic since the day we brought him home from hospital. He breatfed for 2/3 weeks and is now bottle fed.

We have gone to the route of doctors and hospitals and they have suggested colic/ reflux which we are treating as advised. We have recently managed to get him into a little more of a bedtime routine and he has one good stint of sleep usually 7-2 or 9-4 which I know is quite decent for this age. Only he often won't go back to sleep after that, and if he does, it's only for an hour or so. This is leaving me exhausted.

During the day he cries, really cries, a huge amount - sometimes normal crying, sometimes a pained cry and I obviously go throught the checklist but usually fail to resolve the problem. We have been to see a cranial osteopath, which seemed to improve feeding but had no effect on behaviour. I am doing baby massage too. The calmest I see him is when we are at home alone. He gets incredibly stressed when around other people, even my family, or if there are just lots of voices.

When I see other similar aged babies at mother and baby group they just seem to lie there on the mat, completely content. And other mums tell me that if their baby wakes at 6 in the morning, they can leave them in their cot for 3/4 hour or so amusing themselves. This sounds unreal - the minutes mine opens his eyes he starts screaming.

I just can't understand how one little boy can be so unhappy. Is this just something he'll grow out of - or am I doing something wrong???

I think I may have the answer for you! My son was like this for the first 10 weeks and it made my view of motherhood very poor indeed! Then I went to an osteopath who was good with children (we had already tried a chiropractor to no avail but he wasn't specialising in children) and she said 'I think he's still wired from the birth and I need to find the off button'. And she did. From then on I had this brilliant, chilled out baby. No idea what she did. Unfortunately she is now working in South Africa I think (her name was Peta at the Wallingford Therapy Clinic if anyone wants to try and track her!) The next best thing would be to contact Babylist Company and ask them for their recommended cranial osteopaths. They have a list of them, mainly operating in Fulham and that area, and those are bound to be good because that is their speciality. Otherwise just ask around and find a good cranial osteopath who specialises in children. Everyone should take their newborn to one, they are brilliant.

My DD was like this when she was little - from 3 to 15 weeks she screamed continually - had about two hours sleep during the night, woke for a feed, screamed, slept a bit and this continued all day too. I carried on with BF but after my husband had been home over Christmas for two weeks and was due to go back on nights for 2 weeks, I knew I would not be able to cope, last ditch attempt after weeks of seeing HV, she said go to GP so we did, she checked DD over - nothing physically wrong. GP suggested trying formulae, so we did, we put her on a formuale that said on the packet that it aided digestion and helped settled tummies. I gave her one bottle - she slept immediately for 4 hours! I couldn't beleive it - turns out the formulae we bought was purely by coincidence - LACTOSE free! So we think she had a lactose intolerance and that was what was causing her to be so upset. I contined to BF during the night and noticed she got very upset after a BF, yet after the formulae - she settled off to sleep no problem. Needless to say I switched to the formulae and stopped BF completely! Try switching the formulae to a lactose free one - they are on the shelf in boots - and see if it makes any difference. Good luck.

Hi there I would second the suggestion of the cranial osteopathy, I have seen this do wonders. What sort of birth did you have - sometimes long labours, or babies in posterior positions or whose head, for whatever reason, is not in the "optimal" position end up with basically a headache, or with compressed nerves in the neck which causes them irritation and digestive upsets. Have you tried carrying him in a sling? Sometimes this can be soothing for them. Ditto swaddling.

As for the lactose thing mentioned above, some babies can be lactose intolerant it's true which causes gas/fussiness (greenish loose stools can indicate this) but it's often related more to dairy protein in the mother's diet so cutting out milk/dairy can help however I'd suggest seeking the advice of a lactation consultant or even a nutritionist before doing that as dairy is in everything, it's not just a case of cutting out, say cheese. Another cause of greenish stools/gassiness can be too much foremilk in breastfed babies - do you have an especially abundant supply of milk?

My DD1 was just like this and I found the book "highly sensitive child" a worthwhile read. I also found a routine was helpful but as mentioned above it does take a while and especially with sensitive babies it also helps if you do things like reducing sensory stimulation during the day (i.e telly, crowded places, loud music etc). I used to take my DD out mainly because I couldn't stand the crying etc but actually I think staying at home and putting on some soothing music might have helped both of us more!

Good luck and remember "this too shall pass"!

As aviatrix says 9 weeks is not too heavy for a sling . I still carry ds in one and he is 21 months old. If a sling helps to calm him then use it.

I do think it sounds like your ds is overtired though. My ds was a lot like this. He had real trouble switching off and getting to sleep. He was different though in that he loved being out. If he didn't get any stimulation he cried but if he got too much he got over-tired as he couldn't switch off and would cry because of that. Once he was sleeping better things improved a lot.

As your ds is so young I would say he needs quite a lot of calm and peace and quiet and a gentle routine (not you forcing him into one but try and go with what he needs)

How about spending a few days at home with only very short trips to the shops etc and as little over stimulation as possible? I know it can be awful to stay in but you could see it as an experiment and seeing if that helps.

With less stimulation he will probably sleep more and be less irritable. Once he is better rested he may be able to handle a bit more stimulation - say sitting in a coffee shop etc. Even doing all this though it is possible your ds is just a highly sensitive baby who has trouble shutting off. This will improve with time.

One thing I noticed with ds was that when he was sleeping badly at night he had trouble staying awake during the day for much more than an hour at a time at this age. After he was fed/changed etc, you had about 30min before he started crying again and feeding didn't help at that point as he was just tired. If I tried to feed him then (breastfed) he would just be really agitated and and more upset.

Also it is only in the last 2-3 months that ds chats to himself in the mornings now. Until he was 18 months old he cried practically every morning when he woke up.

You really aren't doing anything wrong - in fact you sound like you are doing a great job

Hello there
My daughter was a nightmare for the first 16 weeks of her life. She went from doctor to doctor and I was just told she was a chronic crier with colic!!!
I too wanted 4 but thought the same as you when my daughter came along (I'm now 5 months pregnant!!!)
What really worked for my dd was tightly swaddling her and swaying her in a swing type motion. At 9 weeks I bought a graco swing and that was wonderful a real godsend.
I hated the fact everyone elses child seem so contented too but your time will come. My daughter never had tantrums while some of those contented babies turned into monsters.
It will pass but it feels like it'll never end....it will.
Keep doing whatever your doing and try and take time out for you if possible.

Hi
I'm sure someone will have already suggested this to you, but I haven't read all your replies (because I have a 3 week old waiting for cuddles!, but have you tried cranial osteopathy?

We have had fantastic results with it in our family, including my first child's colic.

I hope things improve soon.

Crayon

Agree with previous posters - my 11 week-old was miserable and screaming and not napping enough from 4-7weeks - he would be awake from 8.30 to 3.30pm with no nap, just howling with misery and leaving me unable to get on with anything incl. looking after ds1 and ds2. Then realized that the lack of daytime naps was the problem and cause - he didnt sleep too badly at night - and that the start of this coincided exactly with the start of daughters school holidays - as soon as I started demanding daytime quiet and lack of visitors and reinstituting some sort of routine, his daytime naps returned and with them my sweet-tempered baby. Just took a few days, though - the more overtired they are the harder it is at first, but it is a virtuous circle so gets better. So persevere - although some babies can be happy with 11 hours sleep a night, yours clearly isnt - and at that age, most babies do need more. The change in my ds was amazing - from non-stop crying to non-stop smiling. He now naps for at least a couple of hours each am and pm and is also much easier to get off to sleep at night.

Hi I haven't had time to read all the replies here and i've never posted on these boards before but I felt I had to add a message here. My daughter was exactly as you described for the first 14 weeks or so of her life. She wanted to breastfeed constantly and would only be soothed by being held while I stood up and 'jigged' around the living room. Sometimes I would do this from 3 or 4 o'clock in the afternoon till her father arrived home at 7pm. I was in pieces a lot of the time and tried all the typical colic remedies (infacol, gripe water) and wrote down everything I was eating in a vain bid to identify some kind of food intolerance. I also tried cranial osteopathy (£100 worth!) which had no effect and read every book going. It finally began to ease arouind 14 weeks when I first noticed her lying quietly and looking around herself for a short while. As she gor older and became more able to 'play' she got more and more contented and once she could sit up she was a different baby. She is now 3 and is a bright and happy little ball of energy! All I can say is hang in there and it will get better! And by the way I have just had my second daughter (7 weeks old tomorrow) who couldn't be more different - a really calm, contented 'easy' baby. So don't give up on having more!

I spent a small fortune on cranial osteopathy and sadly it had no effect whatsoever. I have heard miracle stories but with my dd it did nothing neither did homeopathy, baths, colief, infacol just the wrapping and swinging her!!! Every child is different and the fact that there is light at the end of the tunnel should keep you going whilst I realise your nerves are very fraught!

Hello

I'm afraid I haven't got time to read all the postings, so apologies if this has already been suggested, but have you tried "white noise"? Hoover, washing machine, that sort of thing. A baby bouncer that vibrates slightly? Perfectly Happy People do a white noise cassette. They also do a side sling, which could bridge the gap between being too heavy for a front sling and not old enough for a hip seat.
(No, I'm not a salesperson for PHP, I just used the sling and hoovering combo a lot!)

Good luck - it will pass.

Other suggestions

[a] amby nest hammock

[b]electric swing

[c]repeative music

My only suggestion for when you are trying to get him to sleep is try and catch him and put him down for a nap between his second and third yawn - it's a baby whisperer technique I think. This helped me get DS to sleep when he was little cause I really hadn't a clue what the signs were he was tired. If they get to the 3rd yawn they'll be over tried if you try before the 2nd they aren't quite tired enough.

You sound like you are doing a fab job, well done. Sod the housework if DH wants it done he can do it himself . If DS sleeps you go sleep too.

Wow an abundance of real advice in less than 24 hours. Thanks everyone. Have been trying the cranial osteopathy...fourth session today. She says still wired from birth very fast delivery and vontouse...we'll see. I'm sure time will improve things. i'm obviously not the only one with a grumpy baby!

It sounds like you are doing very well so far.I have something for you to try. I have just had my third child who is now 4 1/2 months. I have been very lucky with them all. After the birth of my second child I bought a book called The Happiest Baby by Dr Harvey Karp. His theories and tecniques make so much sense.I have been able to settle my babies easily.
For the first 12-14 weeks of a babies life you need to mimic all the sensations of the womb. There are 5 things you need to do. You may need to use them all as you have a very fussy baby.
1.Swaddleing (very tight, with arms down by his sides,(as shown in the book).)
2.Sucking (via dummy, finger )
3.Shushing noise (very loudly and close to baby's ear)I have a white noise device for night-time)
4.Place your baby on his side with his face towards your body. (this helps to keep dummy in)
5.Swing him to and fro from side to side firmly,with a little jiggle.
If you do all these when he is crying, I am sure he will stop within minutes.
To help him to sleep longer make sure he is swaddled very tightly. My friends couldn't believe how tightly I used to wrap my babies,but they always wriggle a bit to loosen it off.
You need to apply these tecniques until around 12-14 weeks.By then you will find your baby will miracuosly be more settled anyway.

Hi
I haven't written on here before, thought I was a bit odd having a baby that hardly slept for the first 7 weeks of her life and cried/screamed almost constantly. Can you think of anything at the birth that may have upset your baby - ours swallowed meconium stained fluid and was sick for the first night and 1/2 the next day. We thought all was well,(didn't have signs of an infection) but then had 7 weeks of hell (sleeping for only 5-8 hrs in 24hrs), at 7 weeks went to 10-14 hrs. Now at 5months she is still a very sicky baby at times (we've started weaning and this has helped)and still has digestive discomfort at times - but sleeps well. If it is digestive/colic pain I can suggest another position - 'sit' your baby on your lap facing you (use hands under arms upwards to support neck), and bounce your knees upwards lightly. I'll be honest my baby liked strong vibration and sometimes this was the only thing that helped her sleep. Another one is to face your baby away from you, head under your chin, bottom and legs on your arms, lean back and bob baby lightly up and down - this helped at around 6 weeks +. My husband and I both felt life was unbearable (hardly spoke to each other) and had periods where we had to walk away for 10/20mins due to the constant noise (felt like screaming back even though it wasn't her fault), but it will end, you will get to see more of your baby's personality and may even consider the next 3!

Tearingmyhairout - your DS sounds very like my DS2 - in which case I have good and bad news for you: DS2 was born at home in water - textbook wholesome delivery - as soon as he emerged from the pool, instead of staring at you in that thoughtful way water babies are supposed to - he screamed. And screamed and screamed. I can honestly say I have no photos of him before the age of 6 months in which he is not screaming! Like you we tried a gamut of things, and below I list the ones I most recommend you stick with, but you know what finally sorted our little horror out? Learning to crawl (at 6 months)and walk (at 10). In retrospect I think he simply did not like being a baby one bit. He is a lovely 3 year old now, bright as a button and one of the happiest children you would hope to meet. He has always been what the Baby Whisperer calls "spirited" and to this day is very active and adventurous but not hyper.

I would

• stick with the cranial osteopathy, like a lot of other people have said for as long as you can.
• stick with the swaddling but if he doesn't settle with that soon it may be too late. Swaddling got our little darling off to sleep but never for long....
• if getting him into a routine doesn't work yet - leave it for a while and try again, but keep trying
• and finally... wait for him to start walking! I have a feeling he will be trying to roll over before you know it....

Good luck to you!

Ditto.. both mine were just (she said totally projecting onto her children!) very unhappy being immobile babies.. both sat up at 4 months, crawled at 6 and walked at 10.. and got happier at each mobile stage! It doesn't help you, I know..only things that gave me a moment's peace were electronic swing (£100 from mothercare-expensive but worth it) and holding so sling etc while doing stuff like hoovering!

do make sure your cranial osteopath is really experienced with newborns. Not all of them are and you do need that magic touch. I had a chiropractor who didn't really manage anything. Then aforementioned wonderful cranial osteopath who did one session and sorted my son out!

Big understanding from me, too, TMHO. DS was a massive shock to the system after DD. He cried and cried and cried. Then he cried some more and some more and some more. Everyone kept telling me he'd grow out of it... when he crawls, when he walks, when he can talk... He's nearly 19 months now and it's only in the last couple of months that things have started to get better and we're finally getting a glimpse of the lovely, sunny-hearted boy who I always knew was lurking underneath the tears!
It drove me to distraction. More than once I just sat down and sobbed. At one point I daren't take him anywhere (shops, cafes) because he would scream, and I only really felt comfortable with family and my close friends from DD's antenatal group.
I promise it WILL get better, but it could be a rough ride. I wasn't prepared for a crying baby at all, and the whole situation was made worse by the fact that he didn't sleep well for months and months. Even now, he often gets up at 5am and it's not unheard of for him to miss his daytime nap. Exhaustion and stress.... not a happy combination for mum or baby!
I think (fingers crossed) we're over the worst now, but we had some really difficult times and just kept going through the haze of tiredness. You need support from friends and family (basically, anyone you and your baby feel comfortable with who won't be upset/embarrassed by the crying) to help keep your chin up. It might get better next week or it might be next year (gulp!) - but you'll get there. You're doing a great job already! xx

i havent read all this thread but i just wanted to say that my ds2 was one of those contented smiley little babies who would sit there in a bouncy chair for ages quite happily.now,age 3,he is a whirlwind of energy(it started when he was 2)who only keeps still when he is sleeping or sitting on the potty.he tears around the house non-stop singing or pretending to be a fire engine,and i daren't take him out for a walk cos he legs it and i can't keep up with him.he goes to bed at 7 but often thinks its time to get up at 5.30am and insists i get up also.
just bear this in mind when u see all those mums cooing over their lo's at baby club.in 3 yrs time u will probably have the best-behaved child in nursery!

Hi.
Both DS1 and DS2 were like you have described. I took them both to a cranial osteopath and it was amazing the transformation. With DS1 I was desperate for help and the doctor just told me if he had a penny for every mother like me, he'd be a rich man and pulled his face when I said I was considering an osteopath. Mmm, great help. The osteopath was amazing and DS1 was like a different baby after a few sessions. He really was a life-saver as far as I was concerned. He was based in North Leeds. I moved before DS2 was born but drove to Leeds to the same osteopath every week as he was a miracle worker for me. I would recommend it to anyone.

I took both mine to a cranial osteopath specialising in babes... both improved while I took them but then reverted to the norm.. I just couldn't afford to keep taking them at £25 a session...have you tried baby massge? And bathing with your babe? If you have time, mine found that quite calming, especially ebfoer bedtime.. use lavender- based baby bath to send them off to sleep too...I really feel for you.. it's absolutely horrible