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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

What do you think of a 3 yr old using the word stupid

83 replies

twiglett · 30/03/2004 21:05

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OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

lazyeye · 31/03/2004 10:38

Flame proof nicks for you Smelly. Agree wholeheartedly though Mrs.........

Angeliz · 31/03/2004 10:45

Don't think anyone said you were terrible parents!

I guess it just boils down to what you see as acceptable from a child! There are bound to be differing views.
For me it think that teaching my dd not to call someone stupid teaches her that you have to respect others.

smellymelly · 31/03/2004 10:49

I also used to think my Mum was really uptight for not using words like 'fart', I wasn't allowed to say that at home never mind any swear words till I was in my very late teens, early twenties, and now I think I probably swear a little too much.

So it hasn't done me much good.

My ds does use the word 'fart', and I make sure he uses it in front of my Mum just to wind her up!!!!

But seriously though, he knows there are words we use at home, like 'stinky', 'fart', 'shut-up' etc that he is not allowed to use at nursery, and I think is more of a valuable lesson, that he respects other peoples rules at school, play group etc. ( except for farting in front of my Mum, that is !!!!)

bundle · 31/03/2004 10:49

when I got home last night dh was upset with dd1 as she'd said she hated him & he'd hit her (!) - he hadn't of course - and we tried to explain how hurt he was by this but she didnt' seem bothered. this morning she said to me that Nemo said he hated his daddy (because the diver had taken him away etc in the film) ...so it all slowly fits into place that she's just testing us, seeing what happens etc. god parenting is difficult.

kiwisbird · 31/03/2004 10:51

I swear frequently as well, which I shouldn't as I know better etc, DS has never repeated it except once aged 3 when he dropped his fork and went "oh shit"
That was after having lots of uni boys (brothers bother boys) staying... It was actually knicker wettingly funny...
I don't think I use the word stupid except when I see A tory politician on TV. This is perfectly acceptable in our house, encouraged infact.
But I would not like it to be used on my kids or by them.
Perhaps its a phase, teach them a nice big word like ridiculous LOL they have so much fun getting round them!

LIZS · 31/03/2004 11:31

ds went through a phase of "stupid" which I suppose was marginally better than some of the other words he could come out with. Definitely preschool influenced. I used to point out that a) it was a pretty meaningless term and b) he wouldn't like to be called it. Eventually he stopped.

Recently he has more worryingly started to wish people dead which has zero tolerance from us. Again school playground influenced but he is already started to rescind it as soon as he says it so hopefully we are close to eradicating that.

dd has been known to come out with "bloody hell" when things gpo wrong for her - can't think where she heard it with red cheeks {} - but we're ignoring that atm and it seems to have disappeared.

GeorginaA · 31/03/2004 11:35

Oh I swear I do try not to in front of ds but I'm far from perfect and he has repeated a couple back but a big deal was not made and they've not reoccurred (yet anyway). I'm just a bit more careful about labelling because I'm still reeling as an adult from a list of times being called "stupid" or "lazy" or "undisciplined". For most of my life I believed my mother that I "never completed anything" and have always lived up to that.

This year I have managed to write a 50,000 word novel in the space of a month (okay, it's crap, but I did it, I finished it) and I have written an online journal (weblog) for a year this Thursday. So I do see things through that are worth my time and effort, I am capable of it, and I've been believing bollocks for thirty years of my life. What a waste.

Sorry, something I feel strongly about

Agree with everyone else that words themselves aren't offensive - it's how they are applied and intent to wound that is far worse - and that makes "stupid", "useless" etc far worse than "shit", "damn" or "fuck".

StripyMouse · 31/03/2004 14:17

phew - nice to see that there are at least a few others out there with a similar frame of mind on this issue of language. I was a little worried and was beginning to wonder whether I should take another look at what we find acceptable. Reading others views helps put it back in perspective - (and as quite of a few of you have already said) it is not so much the specific words we all choose to use but more what we do with them.

StripyMouse · 31/03/2004 14:19

just reread last post and thought I should clarify one point: when I say "what we find acceptable" I mean My DH and I, not others - wouldn?t be so presumptious.

Cod · 31/03/2004 14:24

Message withdrawn

dinosaur · 31/03/2004 14:24

GeorginaA - really good post.

Cod · 31/03/2004 14:27

Message withdrawn

marthamoo · 31/03/2004 14:47

Oh dear, I am a Very Bad Mum and my children are going to need therapy

smellymelly · 31/03/2004 14:50

Thought I should add, that DS's manners are impeccable, and it is often commented on by others.

He always says 'pardon me' if he burps or farts!! (which is actually quite alot - but that is another thread!!!), says his p's and q's nearly all the time, says 'bless you' if someone sneezes, says 'excuse me' or 'sorry' to pass people if they are in his way (plenty of adults just stand there if DS is in their way, and never say 'excuse me' to him, he's 4 and has used this since he was 2, do people think he is stupid???)

So, we may use bad language at home( and in the car, because there are plenty of stupid people on the roads...Ds says they are stupid...I say a lot lot worse!!!!) but he is being taught morals, how to communicate politely with adults, and his peers, that not all people are nice etc...

Just in case any of you thought he was being dragged up !!

Blu · 31/03/2004 15:14

Oh Georgina, Thank You! I hadn't dared post on this thread earlier - try not to bandy words llike 'stupid' about, and discourage DS, 2 from talking like that.
BUT 2 weeks ago(in a rather sweet tone of voice) he called me a 'F***g Idiot'!

CountessDracula · 31/03/2004 15:19

Cod what do you do if someone does a particularly amusing fart then? Ignore it? We all fall about laughing. Maybe we are just really puerile....

GeorginaA · 31/03/2004 15:24

Blu

Sorry, I shouldn't laugh!! Did you manage to keep a straight face when he did? They always manage to use the cutest little voice when they do, don't they?!

lazyeye · 31/03/2004 15:38

Both of mine find farting tattyfilarious and they probably get that from me. Up here in the Neast we call it "pumping" and if I say even to my youngest - 18mnths- "Did you pump" he goes into kinks.......its great and probably very childish, but hey who cares?

I love good old toilet humour.

Its another left at the traffic lights thread innit? Stupid to trumping in 3 easy steps.

smellymelly · 31/03/2004 15:38

So do we Countess Dracula or try to blame them on someone else, normally the ones who can't talk, like DD or the dog...HA HA

Blu · 31/03/2004 16:01

Georgina, I nearly choked and my eyebrows hit the ceiling, and I was trying not to laugh as I battled to stay calm and explain that it wasn't a nice thing to say.

He hasn't even heard that as a phrase. I admit that he will have occasionally heard me use the F word, and that DP thought that it was a great joke a while ago to get DS to describe Tony Blair as an 'eejit' - and that he must have put the two together. We were at my Mum's. Thankfully she didn't hear.

GeorginaA · 31/03/2004 16:26

love the description of eyebrows hitting the ceiling !

michellefromlakeland · 31/03/2004 16:29

No I dont find them funny or interesting! Just smelly.

never have really!

michellefromlakeland · 31/03/2004 16:31

I dont see how you can use the f word in front of your kids and expect hem not to say, when 13, "well my Mum says it" to their teacher!

Angeliz · 31/03/2004 17:12

I was just in Asda and a little boy called his gran a 'stupid bitch'. I thought of this thread and wondered if the mum came on here!
I must say they were totally unphased and just chatted away!
I think it sounded awful and walked away with dd!!

michellefromlakeland · 31/03/2004 17:13

yes and there was a thread bout kids being taught to swear recently

double standards?

obviously Mn swearing is of a higher class!

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