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Original poster

What do you think of a 3 yr old using the word stupid

83 replies

twiglett · 30/03/2004 21:05

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Slinky · 30/03/2004 22:35

We're told to avoid "labelling" the child, ie naughty (classed as a negative word) and to demonstrate that we don't their behaviour.

Found this on Google:

news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/education/1053950.stm

stupidgirl · 30/03/2004 22:36

I'm concerned no one has flamed me for my confessions or told me I'm a fantastic mum or anything, or do you all think I'm below contempt???

stupidgirl · 30/03/2004 22:37

Eeek, that sounded like I was compliment fishing - I wasn't, honest. Arghhh, I'm going to bed.

Slinky · 30/03/2004 22:37

Just reading that link - really dislike parents calling their children "bad"

I hear this locally quite a bit - parents shouting at their kids - "you're bad" - THEY'RE NOT!! - no child is "bad".

Angeliz · 30/03/2004 22:38

LOL stupidgirl!
I do not think you're terrible!
I hate 'shut-up', but i have said it to my dd twice whilst driving and she talks NON STOP CONSTANTLY!!!!
(I felt awful afterwards and explained why mammy needed to concentrate though)

Slinky · 30/03/2004 22:39

You are a fantastic mum, Stupidgirl - otherwise you wouldn't be posting on a parenting site

WideWebWitch · 30/03/2004 22:39

You're fantastic stupidgirl, and no, it's not the end of the world saying it occasionally, it just isn't. Re the word naughty I imagine it's because the argument goes that you should attack the behaviour, not the child so not "you're naughty" (which could suggest this is a character trait) but "please don't do x, we don't do that" (which attacks the specific behaviour). Ha ha at sub optimal! "that behaviour is just, just, just below standard, do you hear me my boy?"

Ghosty · 30/03/2004 22:42

Agree with most here ...
Stupid and Shut up are bad words in our house ... but of course DS delights in using them as often as possible to get my attention ... aaaaggghhh!

Slinky · 30/03/2004 22:43

LOL WWW

Before working in the nursery, I did call my children naughty occasionally

However, since working there I've been forced to rethink everything - my DD1 even says that I don't shout anymore

GeorginaA · 30/03/2004 22:46

I use the words "stupid" and "naughty" ... very very sparingly, and always in respect of the behaviour rather than labelling the person. "Silly" gets directed at everything, usually at me ... "Silly Mummy... I shouldn't have done that!"

Oh... except in the cases of bad drivers, then I go ahead and label - I'm with you on that one stupidgirl

Probably not ideal in terms of speech, and I am very careful with other aspects of positive reinforcement etc. However, I'm also human and prepared to cut myself some slack.

StripyMouse · 30/03/2004 22:52

Ok - deep breath - I am finding this thread a bit difficult to swallow as i seem to be in a massive minority in dealing with minor swear words and am surprised to find my own thoughts clearly at odds with a lot of you. So, just to be honest and to offer up another view point on this rather juicy little topic, here goes..
I admit, as much as we try not to, both DH and I do swear (in moderation) around our two girls. We don?t like it and try to avoid it, picking each other up on it, but it happens - probably more often than we care to admit. Only once have we caught our three year old swearing "dancing around the kitchen happily singing "oh bugger, oh bugger..." (after over hearing her daddy when his computer crashed for the umpteenth time in a row right on top of an important work deadline....) we didn?t make a big deal of it, she soon forgot and has not used it again. We also frequently use the word stupid although never in terms of personal insult. Although our language might be far less than perfect and will have to be prepared to deal with potential double standards and difficult explanations about appropriate language in different situations, we are both fairly relaxed about it all. After all, swear words are part of our life and our day to day communication and will be as much part of theirs - as much as we all would like it to be different wea re realists and have been in too many school playgrounds to pretend different.
Despite our relaxed approach to language, perhaps I aught to point out that we are 100% against insults and any language that is hurtful or intended to upset anyone. So, that also means all swearing in front of grand parents and other adults they are not familiar with is totally unacceptable as (has been explained to DD1) that many people find these words upsetting...I find this a more honest and practical approach than to outrightly ban words such as "fart" that quite frankly I find just as every day as "cough" or "sneeze" and to suggest that my DD talks about "popping off" as one friend?s child uses or even "passing wind" as my mother suggests just ridiculous - a fart is a fart and just is not such a big deal in our house. Personally, the words I find more important and worthy of family discusison are "pardon me","thank you", "please", "I am sorry" and most important of all "I love you".

Tommy · 30/03/2004 22:55

I hate shut up too. When I was a teacher I never used it and, therefore, could use the "You never hear me saying that..." argument which most children seemed to accept as fair (although secondary age). I agree that there are not really bad words - just inappropriate usage. I think if my DS said it, I would say something like "We don't say that word in our house" and mention it, like the others have said, to his teacher but perhaps not make a big thing of it but mention it in passing.
Sorry - a bit waffley but am really tired!

WideWebWitch · 30/03/2004 22:57

I'm not that bothered about minor swear words either (not mad keen when ds uses the major ones tho! Especially when we're in public, oh no!) stripymouse, I just found 'shut up' really pushed my buttons the first time ds used it, it really did. I got crosser about that than about the odd bugger or bloody I've heard him mutter under his breath.

Slinky · 30/03/2004 22:57

Aaaah "fart" - DS1 (6) and DD2 (8) use the word "fart" and to me, it's not a swear word.

My mum is horrified by them using it though - but as I pointed out to her, it's an everyday word - even Blue Peter uses it

On another note -

just re-reading my postings - just kicked myself as they make me out to be a "stuck-up, holier-than-thou cow" - please don't think that - I can swear like a trouper with the best of them :0

Anyway, reading my postings reminded me of those "holier than thou" people on UKParents who I always wanted to slap round the face

laurakim · 31/03/2004 08:13

I have honestly never really thought about the word "stupid" before as being a problem but I guess it is.

We try not swear around DS and on the odd occassion we do...he WILL repeat it!!! And then we just ignore it and he seems to forget about it!!

Twiglett not sure how old your ds is but he may not actually have any idea that its a "offensive" word so why not try explain to him first that its not a nice word??

lazyeye · 31/03/2004 09:15

Oh dear, bad parent here. My son says stupid, probably cos I do occassionally - don't like it that much, but don't see how I can protect him from it really.

I also say naughty quite regularly. My husband is Irish (not sure what thats got to do with it but he seems to think it does) and his language is choice sometimes even in front of the children, though he is making a big effort. Same as Stripeymouse - have caught my eldest saying 'Feck' like Daddy, didn't make a big deal, haven't heard it since.

Shut-up? More likely to say 'Be quiet' I think.

Everything in moderation is my motto....

Crunchie · 31/03/2004 09:23

Thank God stripymouse I doubt you are really in the minority, it's just the rest of us haven't read the thread or daren't post what we say

Personally I am with everyone on the swearing front, however I have sworn in fornt of my kids, not at them, usually at another driver (but sometimes at their dad ) And it is our 5 yr old who tells us off

Neither of my 2 kids have ever sworn, they know it is bad as it is the tone of voice as much as the words. The only time I can recall that anything was made of it was when my DD (4 at the time) asked what a t**t was !! It was directed at a driver who cut us up I can't remember how we dealt with it, but she has never said anything again.

Other word such as 'shut up' or 'stupid' would never have crossed my mind to ban, naughty is only applied to behaviour, and most things are 'silly'. Naughty is a strange one as my DD1 loves winding up DD2 by telling her she is a 'naughty girl' this leads to more tears and upset than if she has been hit. Poor little thing, this makes up a bit more careful, but not perfect.

I would love to say my lanuage is impecable and my behaviour perfect, but it isn't. As long as my kids see more love affection and good habits than bed, I am not too bothered. I get more irritated by the word 'NO' shouted at me, should I ban it?

Bozza · 31/03/2004 09:36

Wouldn't like DS using "stupid" but we do have "silly". But thats different to me - stupid is sort of permanent, while silly is a mood. Also use naughty - but do feel that can be used either in relation to the behaviour or the person and would normally direct it at the behaviour eg "its naughty to hit". Don't use "bad" but tend to go in for "not nice".

DS after an overnight stay with my PIL started saying "bugger". He seemed to think that the buckle on his car seat was called a bugger. We think this was ham-fisted FIL struggling with getting fastened in.

Bozza · 31/03/2004 09:38

Actually a lot of the language I use I think sub-consciously comes from my time as an au pair in America where I was expected to be very pc about how I talked to the children. Certainly it doesn't reflect how my parents talked to me.

CountessDracula · 31/03/2004 09:51

Oh ffs I swear like a trouper! I don't swear AT dd of course but often say OH Bugger etc.

What on earth do you call a fart or a burp then? I have taught my 18 month old dd these words, they are proper descriptions of bodily functions.

My step brother and his wife make a HUGE issue out of the word stupid. We had a scene at xmas where their son aged 5 tried to jump on the bonfire and my dad told him that was stupid and dangerous behaviour and they got the right hump. All pc bonkers nonsense IMHO! That IS stupid behaviour.

I may change my mind of course when dd turns round to me and calls me a stupid bugger or something!

My parents both swear quite a lot as do my in-laws, my dh and most people I know in fact. I seem to remember having this conversation on mn before about the acceptability of a certain rude word....

iota · 31/03/2004 09:55

I use the words naughty, stupid and shut up when I am extemely cross with my 2 - I think it reinforces how cross I am and makes the point.

CountessDracula · 31/03/2004 10:04

sorry twiglett I read all the other posts after yours and didn't answer your original Q! I would leave it, surely if you make an issue out of it he will do it just to annoy you. Or if he is not that contrary you could just tell him to use silly instead as stupid is not appropriate.

juniper68 · 31/03/2004 10:14

my 3 year old says it but not in the offensive context. He's copying the advert where the kid tells his parents no more sweets and the dad has one on his tongue! the mam says 'stupid' so my 3 yr old sticks his tongue out and says it.

Btw there are lots of other colourful words he could be using. I'd just calmly say it's not a nice word and try to ignore it as much as possible.
Sorry if i've repeated anyones points as I've just read first message.

motherinferior · 31/03/2004 10:23

Fart jokes a go-go in the Inferiority Complex

smellymelly · 31/03/2004 10:34

I agree whole-heartedly with stripeymouse,

If you all make such a big deal about these 'normal' words, then your kids will use them just to piss you off!.... Oh no, did I swear???

My ds knows the 'bad words' but would only say them very rarely, and we never make a fuss about it... are we really terrible parents because we swear in front of our kids? What do you think they will learn at school??

At least this way my 2 will not think its clever, or funny, it's just stuff that some grown-ups say.