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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Having a nice day with a toddler

26 replies

stargirl1701 · 04/07/2014 19:04

Is this impossible? DD is 21 months and tantrums as toddlers her age do. I find it easy to cope with on an ordinary day either in the house or out at a baby group.

But, anytime we plan a nice family day, it is a disaster. Mothering Sunday, Father's Day, etc. Today we went to the Queen's baton for 3 hours or so. DD screamed for approx half that time. She has now been screaming for an hour through bath and bedtime. I don't expect it to stop - maybe another hour.

So, do people just not go out when they have a toddler? Or, just accept the day will involve hours and hours of screaming? Or, is this unusual?

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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givemecaffeine21 · 04/07/2014 19:13

I was already using time out by that age. My DD is almost 2 and started steadily cranking it up around then. I bought a timer and when she starts kicking off she gets two minutes sat in a boring place to calm down. By 1 minute 30 she has generally stopped screaming. She gets no attention or interaction during this time and I usually sit her by the front door (as the stairs were 'fun') and go into the lounge or kitchen where she can't see me. The key is no interaction for that time. In the early days it may involve putting her back there if she gets up etc but do it silently and firmly without eye contact. She has the most appalling screaming fits at times and it's literally the only solution, she has to calm down and cuddling her doesn't work, she just screams all the louder.

The key is consistency, so if you have to do it at someone's house, playgroup or in a supermarket, you just buckle up and do it.

It genuinely works like a charm for us and when she's done we just move on to something else, no lectures etc.

HTH.

ConsideringReconsidering · 04/07/2014 19:23

You should be able to go out without a screaming fit.

If she is worse on days out than she is generally then it suggests that there is something causing that screaming. You need to find out what it is. Is she tired/bored/hot/hungry/thirsty?

TiredFeet · 04/07/2014 19:28

Are you making sure she gets fed/nap etc at times she normally would when she is on these kind of days out?

Original poster

stargirl1701 · 04/07/2014 19:32

The difference is she is not in her usual routine. I know that toddlers crave routine/structure but it is nice to do something different now and then.

This started today after lunch. She usually has a nap in her cot but we went in the car - cue screaming. She fell asleep before we arrived so we had to lift her into the pram - cue screaming. We thought she would fall back asleep but she didn't. We had a cuppa in a cafe and she was happy, watched the baton passing and headed back to the car - more screaming. She fell asleep in the car so we drove around a bit. Headed home and woke her as she wouldn't sleep tonight - more screaming. She then ate another snack and played happily in the house. Dinner was fine but the start of the bedtime routine meant more screaming - overtired I think. She has now screamed for one solid hour.

I guess I just accept it as it is soooooo much better than when she was a baby. Under 6 months, 8 solid hours of screaming, without pause, was a normal day. This was due to silent reflux.

I just feel exhausted after today - as does DH! It feels like we are stuck in her treadmill routine.

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Original poster

stargirl1701 · 04/07/2014 19:34

I don't understand how I can keep her nap routine the same and go to events that start at a particular time.

I really don't want to be the mum that says, no I can't come because that's DD's nap time.

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MickiJohn · 04/07/2014 19:36

What's worse? Being "that mother" or depending all day with a screaming toddler?

Original poster

stargirl1701 · 04/07/2014 19:41

It's a bit PFB. DC2 due in Aug. the baby sure as hell isn't going to fit in with DD's nap times.

Is that what people do? My perception is that other families just go without this issue. My friend had her third a wee while ago - his naps fit around everyone else (schools runs, etc.).

It would just be nice to do one thing once a month as a family.

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Original poster

stargirl1701 · 04/07/2014 19:44

She's asleep.

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ConsideringReconsidering · 04/07/2014 19:45

Your problem is you can't have a routine generally and then, when you feel like it, cast it aside. That doesn't work with toddlers.

You either have to leave the 'starts at a certain time' stuff or work on making her more flexible.

For example, work on getting her to nap in the buggy. You can't do nap time in a quiet cot all the time and then switch to a buggy out and about and expect her to adapt just like that.

The same goes for eating, you need to work on gradually getting her to be more flexible, you can't change it just for the odd day.

MarianForrester · 04/07/2014 19:45

I think you can have a nice time, but you need to be prepared dot have one on toddler terms to a certain extent.

Small children just don't have the attention span to sustain a long time at an activity or outing that might be lovely for an adult or an older child.

I would try shorter bursts of activity and try to make sure there was something like a play park involved too to keep them happy.

ConsideringReconsidering · 04/07/2014 19:48

The difference is that your friends DC3 would have had to fit in from day one.

Your DD has a 'normal routine' which you expect her to deviate from once a month. She obviously didn't get the memo that today was anything can happen Friday'.

You'll find your DC2 will fit with her naps, because he/she will have to, just like your friends DC3.

Original poster

stargirl1701 · 04/07/2014 19:49

Up until last month she would only sleep in the buggy! I've spent a month working on nap time in the cot because the baby will likely need to sleep in the pram.

Better to accept this isn't possible with a toddler, then. We try to choose stuff we think she would like. Mothering Sunday we went to Deep Sea World because we thought she would like the fish in the aquariums. Not so much!

We normally just do Rhymetime and park on a Sat. I guess that'll be our lives for the next 3/4 years!

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Original poster

stargirl1701 · 04/07/2014 19:51

She did have her meals and snack at normal times. It's just the nap that was disrupted.

The weird thing is she isn't like this on the 2 days she goes to the CM. She fits in with what the older children need. Toddlers!

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MickiJohn · 04/07/2014 19:56

We go out early as the toddler naps around 12. Ideally, we're home for nap time before 1, latest.

Or we head out after nap time around 3 and make sure we're home for tea by 5, or dinner out and home by 7 for bed.

Just makes for an easier life.

Original poster

stargirl1701 · 04/07/2014 20:02

That's normal for is too Micki. It would just be nice to occasionally do something different. I should've just cloned myself as a baby as apparently I was the easiest baby in the world! DH's genes at the route of all this. MIL says he was a nightmare up until he went to school.

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TheRealAmandaClarke · 04/07/2014 20:08

It's not impossible but it is difficult ime.
My toddler is dc2 so she has to row in with dc1's routine really. And I would probably say she's quite flexible. But she still needs a nap and she still needs regular meals so if they're disrupted in the way you describe, or if she becomes bored (restaurants are a bit of a nightmare, so we either avoid them or one of us leaves the table with her to walk outside for a break) its very difficult.
I tend to try to fit any new arrangements around her nap/ mealtimes, and alongside that, I try to throw in some minor disruptions every now and then to wean her onto a more flexible lifestyle IYSWIM.
But basically, if we're out for the day I'll want to have a long enough car journey to allow here to have a decent nap, or I'll take the buggy (she no longer bf to sleep) so I can walk her around and let her sleep. I don't embark on a significant journey with her after 3pm and if we're leaving somewhere later than about 6pm I'd have her in her pjs before we set off.
I don't care if ppl think I'm being precious. That's just the way it needs to be for her happiness and my sanity.

TheRealAmandaClarke · 04/07/2014 20:10

My dc seems fine with the cm. but she still has a nap (although shorter than at home) and I think she uses a fair bit of mental energy having to fit in tbh. She's there for 3 days a week.

Original poster

stargirl1701 · 04/07/2014 20:13

I guess we're lucky that she loves cafés and restaurants. I think it's the people watching It was a real surprise she didn't sleep in the pram today as we really thought she would - it's why we left do early. Next time, we could sit in the car while she naps and then wake her after the two hours.

Well, we can only hope DC2 is flexible, I guess.

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DomesticGoddess31 · 04/07/2014 20:48

My dd had reflux as a baby too (tons of screaming) and has always been v sensitive to lack of sleep. We just avoided doing anything in the day that interrupted her sleep. At the time it was frustrating that we couldn't enjoy full days out and it felt like it would be that way forever. Truth is she dropped day sleep at 2.5yrs and now we get to do what we want more or less.

You may only have a few months to wait till you get to do days out. I'd just take the easy path if I were you.

Iggly · 04/07/2014 21:16

She's just tired that is all. Give it a year and she will be fine. I'd be pissed off if I was dragged around when I wanted to sleep. Naps are important to little ones.

We have two DC. Our second one still needed naps - she falls asleep more easily in pushchairs or we use a carrier for her to nap in (even now at 2).

ikeaismylocal · 04/07/2014 21:18

Maybe (hopefully!) the screaming will pass soon, my ds is 19 months and he is happiest when he's having a day out, we go out every day and he naps in the pushchair or car or cot if we are home.

I tend to tell him what we are going to do in advance and we always sit down at dinner and talk about the day, it's interesting to see what was the most important bits of the day for him as it is very often the little things that happened not the actual event, I try to make sure I do things he likes so going on the bus is a big thing for him so we go on the bus to somewhere me and dp will enjoy.

Original poster

stargirl1701 · 04/07/2014 22:01

Thank you everyone. I'm sure being 34 weeks pg and on crutches is reducing my patience somewhat. Hopefully, she'll get a good night's sleep tonight. Tomorrow, DH and DD are off to Gran's for a few days so I can recharge my batteries. Travelling in nap time so all should well!

Thanks again.

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idontlikealdi · 04/07/2014 22:05

U sage uncle said to me when DTS were tiny 'holidays, restaurants, days out - don't bother until they are at least seven'. They're almost three and I can see where he was coming from now! (He's great with kids, had five of them - obviously learned his lesson!)

Original poster

stargirl1701 · 04/07/2014 22:09

Yeah, we have no holidays planned at all! And, I don't even care. I've got a nesting urge at the moment which I'm trying to ignore. Still 6 weeks until the due date...

OP posts:

AndIFeedEmGunpowder · 04/07/2014 22:14

I've got one the same age. They sound quite similar.

Just wanted you to know you're not alone.

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