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Step family ordeal!

2 replies

dildoos · 22/06/2014 08:16

Hi,
Unsure if this is the right place for my thread.
I have a problem with my in laws.
I have dd6 from previous marriage who my DP has taken on as his own, she calls him daddy and sadly (or not ?) she has no contact with father ( his choice).
So DP took on daughter and made this decision and his family mum, nan, grandad, siblings done the same which was wonderful. However, since a blood grand daughter has been born and my daughters relationship too them has completely changed, she used to be baby sat, paid attention too, treated like their own, but now they never offer to have her, rules that apply to my daughter don't to the blood granddaughter ( for example no dessert if hasn't finished meal for dd however it's fine for the blood grand child.)
Sadly I feel my daughter has started to notice these differences now and it's sad Sad
Her Christmas and birthdays have been and gone and there was no thought in presents just have cash and said they didn't know what she would like or they were too busy, however the blood grandchild ( obviously had way more spent on her as always) and thoughtful gifts. We are trying for a baby and my biggest worry is that they treat the new one as their own and not my DD, which means I would need to address it as for me I would rather that did not happen.
My problem is the DP grandma once said to me I don't know why families address issues as when they do the relationships are strained ( so don't want to put anymore strain on it than I feel now!)
Any advice please? X

OP posts:
katsud · 22/06/2014 08:37

My experience of this is with my ex-sister-in-law. Her new husband embraced her children as his own. He is a great Dad. They had a daughter and his parents treated the children differently. Until he told them what they were doing and that it had to stop. I don't think they were doing it consciously - they are lovely people. Someone has to reframe what they are doing and say it is out of order - a hard thing to do.
Could your DH adopt your DD? My Exsil's DH did and I know it has meant the world to my niece and nephew and their whole family structure. We were at theirs last weekend - one very big, blended family: it was awesome.

doziedoozie · 22/06/2014 08:40

Try posting this on the step parenting thread
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/stepparenting

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