What on earth does everyone do with their 2 yr old at bedtime?

[Errrr2012]

So we're getting it wrong somehow. The second that book time is over 2 yr old DS goes into meltdown. Goes absolutely spare at having his sleeping bag on and won't take his milk (which we've recently started giving him in an open cup rather than a bottle). Tonight I eventually calmed him down and he sat on my knee and drank his milk fine. But then went nuts again when he was put in his cot, although not to the same degree as he was before the milk. He used to go to bed fairly happily most nights. I don't know if it's just dropping the bottle that is setting him off cause he drinks all of the milk absolutely fine eventually. He just seems so angry! Can anyone talk me through their toddlers bedtime routine cause I need to get this sorted before baby no 2 arrives in a couple of months!!

I know this doesn't help as such, but I think they have phases where they rebel against the routine that has worked perfectly well so far. I can remember with Ds and DD had a phase of not wanting to go to bed, and really kicking off. You may need to tweak the length of time you spend in the room or returning, but Stand firm and hopefully normality will resume. It could also be the light nights thing too. Good luck.

Erm, bottle/beaker milk during first story, clean teeth, second story. Cuddle. Into bed. I leave room. Sleep.

That is after doing sleep training at 1 yr though. No bath... well sometimes obviously but not every night.

If seems stressed/struggling then stroke hair gently. Try putting him to bed about 15-20 minutes earlier. Our 3 yr old was exhausted from nursery and having tantrums nightly and bed routine took ages. We moved her bed time back from 7.30 to 7 and she started falling asleep in about 3 minutes. Think she got overtired.

They are all so different and little enigmas when it comes to working them out but here's what we do with DD (2.2). Bottle of milk sitting on my knee (she refuses milk from a cup and loves her bedtime bottle so we indulge her for now), then sleeping bag on and teeth brushed I keep the toothbrush loaded with toothpaste beside me, then books she chooses which ones and how many though we draw the limit at 3 max. Some nights she'll want 3 some nights none, then up to bed we say night night to everything on the way. Pop her in cot, music box on (plays for 20mins) and that's her. DD loves her cot so have had no major bedtime dramas (knock on wood).

You could try the bottle again and see if it makes a difference at least then you'd know.

Take side off the cot and make a big deal about it being a big boy's bed? (Obviously this could cause more difficulties!) Let him take a toy or book into bed with him....

Bath and an episode of Peppa Pig on the couch with a cup of milk.
Into bed and one story.
Tucked in and Gro Clock turned on.
Sweet Dreams and lights off.

Most of the time she is asleep within a minute. Tonight she sang away to herself for an hour before drifting off.

Thanks for the replies. Light nights definitely don't help but they've been light for a long time and this new phase has only really kicked off in the last week. I like the idea of doing milk either at the same time as books or beforehand because we hadn't incorporated teeth brushing after milk (I know, I know. No one else seems to admit to this do they?!) so at least that would sort that out. And then some books or a chat/cuddle. Also toying with the idea of getting rid of the sleeping bag and using a duvet/blanket, but he seemed so happy with it until recently that I don't want to change too much at once. However, it feels as though whatever we do we're in for a battle at the moment! Thanks for the tips though ladies.

Hi sorry, missed the last two replies. He takes three soft toys to bed already and he flares up the second we've finished books and suggested milk! So he's raging almost too much for distraction I think. I'm not sure he would understand the concept of a 'big boys' bed as he's only just turned 2 (maybe seems a bit younger cause he was two months prem as well). hacked I am missing the singing/chatting himself to sleep already - that was only a week ago! Thanks for your tips though x

If you've got another one on the way then I'd suggest transition to big boy bed. It made a difference with our DD - she was just over 2 when DS was born.

Also, and I know this is no help whatsoever, but it IS just a phase. DD went through exactly the same thing. They're testing their boundaries, going through a growth spurt, doing whatever it is they need to do. I know that's not helpful, and I apologise for that, but I was there, I got through it (with wine, lots of wine...).

Might be a case of leaving him to just vent a bit, let out his emotions by screaming or whatever, and then going in after 5 minutes to let him know you're still there, but you're not going to play his game.

Earlier bedtime? My 2 year old acts like that when super tired.

saycool it help to have someone remind us that it's just a phase actually! Pregnancy hormones do not help with keeping perspective on the situation! When did you do the transition to a big bed? When she was going through this crazy phase or before/after? I'm nervous of doing it cause he could be even worse and we'd have nowhere safe to put him while he rages.

Meant 'it does help to have...'

I agree about getting rid of the sleeping bag and putting him into a proper bed.

Obviously this means he can run around even easier! But if you react every time v calmly and return him to his room when he does it, he'll get the message that he needs to give in to the sleep.

And if that doesn't work, you can always threaten to put him back in the baby sleeping bag. It'll give you another handy tool in the toolbox.

Worked with DSs 1 and 2. DS3 (2) is still pushing those boundaries…[sigh], but I only had to return him twice tonight. (glugs )

We do the 2nd book after teeth cleaning to get the cosy sleepy mood back.

Could always return to the bottle. Mine had an evening bottle until she was 3 and a half when we forgot it going on holiday - having reduced it by about 30 mls a week over months. Health visitor was having fits, but as long as they're not going to bed sucking it and are cleaning their teeth after I don't see the problem. In continental Europe, where we're half from, bottles are used much later - I know 4 and 5 year olds who still have the last bottle with story.

Lots of good advice already. What helps with my DS (who is nearly 2) is lots of talk about the steps to bedtime. So I repeatedly mention what's happening next and that it's bedtime soon. That way nothing comes as a huge surprise, and he can have a while to get used to the idea.

Apologies if you already do this

oh lord, just realised you're pregnant (SO hard looking after a toddler + pregnancy!). He sounds over-tired to me, but needing reassurance.

When DS3 is like this, after the usual goodnights, I sit at the end of his bed (no extra extra cuddles, else he'll insist I curl up into bed with my head grasped in both his chubby arms). I don't really look at him, just repeat that it's sleepy time, close your eyes, fall asleep. Usually works and not as exhausting/traumatic as physically lugging him back into his bed over and over.

Yup, returning to the bottle was another idea cause, even though he never goes to sleep during it, it definitely mellows him. But that feels like a step backwards but maybe that's what it needs. I really feel clueless at the moment!

Ha!ha! Yes pregnant and had a pretty straight forward toddler to look after until now! What are we going to do when there's two of them?! I agree that he seems very much overtired but we've had a much more chilled day today and it's barely made any difference. Just got to make a few tweeks and ride it out I guess. X

We gave up and gave DD her bottle back after a few days of getting her to accept her bedtime milk in a cup (she would drink it happily - then cry for a bottle...) I figure with most of these things they'll get there in their own time.

However, I'm still breastfeeding her at 2.5 and her dad still cuddles and rocks her to sleep, so we may not be the best examples!

Thanks pentopaper made a big thing of saying what was coming next tonight, just need hubby to do the same! He keeps mentioning exciting things that they'll do tomorrow! Which obviously hadn't been a problem before but I think DH and I need to discuss that the bedtime routine has be super super chilled from now on.

Dinner , then tidy-up of toys, a bit of telly and chilling together, then upstairs. I prep his room for sleeping (curtains, dim light, make bed if needed) then into jammies. Into bathroom to clean teeth and wash face, then he runs into bedroom and clambers into bed for milk (bottle) and stories. 3 books or so, til whenever his milk's gone and he's rubbing his eyes - 'night night' and a kiss if he'll let me (cheeky little bugger sometimes won't let me) I have to leave some books on his bed, then close door and gate shut. It's a big elaborate pretence from both of us that he's going straight to sleep - he then immediately runs around his room playing with his toys and chatting away for up to an hour and a half but he's happy enough and seems to crash out eventually . It works for us! I know milk after teeth isn't ideal though and I need to tweak that. But big boy bed is a relatively new thing so just want to make sure he's settled as far as poss before switching to cup and teeth before stories.

Does he have a long wind down time before bed? Sometimes TV just before bed can overstimulate them. We had to stop all TV for a while because it just really affected DD, she wouldn't sleep and she had nightmares. As soon as she stopped watching telly last thing before bed, she was much better. And now she's fine (having just watched Frozen AGAIN before bed.....)

We put DD in her big girl bed just after her 2nd birthday, but she's always been pretty good about not trying to get out of it. If you're worried about keeping him safe, how about a stairgate on his bedroom door?

We have a basic routine which I decided but DS adds and deletes little details every so often. I let him (within reason) cos he is such a terrible sleeper I d

Milk (in a cup with a straw) in the kitchen
Brush teeth
PJs and nappy on
Stand at open window looking for stars/the moon although light evenings mean its now looking for planes/buses/trains
2 books sitting on my lap
Into bed (we took him out of the cot at 13months cos he moved too much and hit the bars all bloody night)
I sit ignoring him (MNing) and he falls asleep

A recent addition is some piano music to drown out noisy neighbours

Usually takes 20-30 mins to fall asleep. Would love to leave him to it but he gets so upset and we've progressed so much recently that Im going with the flow for the moment. Especially as a new baby brother has created a few jealousy problems!

I think this is just the terrible twos really isn't it? A chance to fight you and say no a lot (maybe speaking from recent experience!)

If all the stuff to wind him down for bed, is actually winding him up, I would trim it down as much as possible. That and consistency, trying to remain a picture of calm throughout the torture, rather than rising to it and paying it attention.

For some reason, DS was also much better when the sleeping bag was ditched. It ended a bad phase of unknown bloody night waking.

DS has pjs, milk, teeth, book and into his cot. I'm not getting rid of the cot until I HAVE to. He usually has a chat and goes to sleep within 10 minutes or so. He's been a bit grumpy about it recently but I do the same thing and leave him to cry. He's usually given up by the time I get downstairs and definitely before I've finished putting all his toys away.

That's such a cute routine shahsham! Looking for the moon/stars! saycool we never do tv before bed, tried couple of weeks of 'in the night garden' probably a year ago but I thought it was a load of old tosh that didn't create a relaxing atmosphere so we stopped it. Haven't done tv before bed since. I think me and DH need to agree on a really relaxing routine for the time being which might help get us through this phase. Will discuss the bed and stairgate when DH gets back in later. Thanks