How to get a 5.10 yo child to walk in the right direction towards school ?

[Babieseverywhere]

I have spent months dragging/carrying/strapping my 5.10 yo DS in a pram to get to school. I am no longing willing to distress him and me in this way and it goes against my more positive parenting ideals.

This morning we just waited and talked at regular points and was late for school by 10 minutes. Now I have a child who stands and refuses to move at regularly points on the school run, refuses to cross roads and is running in the wrong direction (towards home).

1. Reins are no longer possible he drops to floor.
2. He gets a treat of 5 mins computer time at school if he walks in well
3. He has NO computer time after school if he doesn't walk well.

What do I say to encourage him to move when, he stands still refusing to move and saying 'no' to anything I say.

The school have offered to have a teacher on the playground for a week to wait for DS, like this morning but he doesn't care as he hates school. School can do nothing else to help him and told me to do parenting course with behavioural support and this would sort the problem out.

I have spoke to behavioural support three times, who tell me I am already doing the positive parenting that the parenting course teaches and they have not got any suggestions or further advice to try.

I have a visual timetable for DS, simple morning routine and at my witts end of how to get him happily to school on time.

I'm not sure I'll have any useful ideas, but how long is the walk to school, and does he walk reasonably normally on other occasions?

10 minutes of proper walking, took us 40 minutes today.

Yes, as look as the end destination is not school he will walk fine (often bolts ahead and can not be trusted on his own near roads)

Why does he hate school?

I don't know if this would work for everyone - but I adopt a no nonsense attitude with this kind of thing.

My children would be given very clear and firm instructions to walk and if they refused, they would effectively be dragged forced to hold my hand and I would not stop for them.

DC quickly learn that there is no other option than to do exactly as told.

That is all he will say...he hates everything about school.

Using an emotion chart I got it down to lunchtime, breaks, assemblies, pe, lining up, going to bathroom in his own, maths lessons.

But school are aware if this and can not alter anything for DS. They feel me going on a parenting course, will help DS walk to school.

Yes, waffle...done that for months, it is NOT working.

Seriously if he hates school and the school aren't helping, could you home school or look for a different one?

Can you escalate the lack of school support to the Governors?

"I don't know if this would work for everyone - but I adopt a no nonsense attitude with this kind of thing.

My children would be given very clear and firm instructions to walk and if they refused, they would effectively be dragged forced to hold my hand and I would not stop for them.

DC quickly learn that there is no other option than to do exactly as told."

Positive parenting- don'tya love it

What's with the face, DeepBlue?

What's negative about being firm and matter of fact and getting your Dcs to school on time?

Most of what he doesn't like (except maths) seems to be the chaotic times. maybe he is really feeling he can't cope with the bustle?

At our school there is a lunchtime club for children who can't cope with the playground, and structure in place for other things if needed.

If your school won't even try to help, I suggest you find a more accommodating school.

Finding things on route, check list to show what found and what is coming next. So like a visual timetable but exclusively for the walk. Things like postbox, telephone green box, things that won't get moved.

Not liking school seems more the issue or is he fine once there? Focus on positives, what does he like? Lego - could he have some to play with when he gets to school, sat at a table in the classroom? Would something like that help motivate him to be at school on time?

We have a set route to school with the ducks, the tree, the park etc.

School give DS 5 mins of computer time first thing to encourage his getting there.

I also have two other children at the school, who get there fine.

My first thought is bullying? Is the school absolutely certain there is none? Would he enjoy scooting/cycling to school? Can you leave an hour earlier so he has loads of time to get to school and take time pressure off? Does he have a friend he can walk with?

I think the school should be doing more to help, I would ask to speak to the senco (special educational needs coordinator) to see if they have any ideas, as they might be able to help get him more engaged. DS1 hated school because he hated writing, he has dysgraphia and now we know we can support him.

Does school have any pastoral/behavioural support? Like a learning mentor? The one in our school helps parents and children who are having difficulties in all different areas.

Another thing you could try if you haven't already, is set him a goal, is there something he wants say for £20, he could earn a token worth £1 every time he walks properly, and can then save them up?

No bullying AFAIK

No friends

Senco was the one to say there was nothing more to be done to help him as he is so fine at school.

His goal is earning Minecraft time, he gets 10 minute screen time for a good walk.

Do like the idea of building up a goal. Maybe if he walked every day, he could raise money for a new Minecraft book.

No bullying AFAIK

No friends

Senco was the one to say there was nothing more to be done to help him as he is so fine at school.

His goal is earning Minecraft time, he gets 10 minute screen time for a good walk.

Do like the idea of building up a goal. Maybe if he walked every day, he could raise money for a new Minecraft book.

Is he any happier to scooter or cycle? My D's can be in super stroop mood at home but cheers up when we cycle far more than if we walk. He likes whizzing along.

Does he have special needs?

My DD (also 5) is pretty rubbish but much better if we walk with a friend. A couple of times a week she is basically dragged there. She actually really likes school, she just hates walking there we're doing a reward chart at the moment.

Sorry that's a bit useless - but it's not just you!

Reward seems to far away..He won't even see reward till he gets home from school.

Also give a choice you can walk nicely to school or hold my hand all the way there.( what ever appropriate)

Also change the words you are using..He is used to them and takes no notice now.

I would also be questioning what he doesn't like about school and speaking to school how he is in school.

Have you also thought you are already set up for a battle when you go to school ..Maybe a bit of distraction ..We play a game we call the colour game..you have to think of different colours taking it in turns, I spy, yes no game although he may be a bit young for that, Mrs Browns Shopping basket...Make the walk a more pleasurable experience..

Can you walk another way..tell him it is an adventure.

Hop 20 steps, rund 19 steps, jump like a kangaroo...

Seems like you are locked in a battle which I am not surprised you are worn down by

Yes, I will start afresh with a better attitude and do some games on the way. That sounds a positive thing to try. Should distract DS from stopping and stop me dreading him stopping ! DEFINITELY trying this one.

He does like biking to school but I would not trust him not to ride straight into the road.

We set off with 30 minutes to do the 10 minute walk.

No special needs but he is very quirky and asd traits and very young emotionally.

I would say you need to: consider other schools.
If he has asd traits then get your GP to refer you to a paediatrician.

What does your DS like about school? (If he has no friends I can understand him not wanting to go.)

When he runs off does he grin at you? When you tell him off does he grin? Because I am wondering if his facial expressions actually reflect how he is really feeling - which could make everything worse.
A child who cries and screams at being taken to school - its pretty obvious they are very upset.
A child who grins, and smiles whilst saying they have no friends - could be thought to be messing around, or its not that bad. They may just lack all social queues to know what is an appropriate facial expression to reflect their inner life (which they may also not be able to express or even comprehend).

What is he like on other journeys?

Something I have wondered about with DD in the past is some kind of physical issue that makes walking painful? Eg hypermobility, arthritis... We think probably not for DD, but might be relevant for you.

No physical issues, apart from hating being outside. He frequently says outside is terror and last week walked to school with his fingers in his ears saying outside is too loud.

I think the games on the way is my best shot and I might leave another 10 minutes early to be on the safe side..also it is Friday and Fridays and Tuesdays are the best days, so he might run in.