How to get a 5.10 yo child to walk in the right direction towards school ?

[Babieseverywhere]

I have spent months dragging/carrying/strapping my 5.10 yo DS in a pram to get to school. I am no longing willing to distress him and me in this way and it goes against my more positive parenting ideals.

This morning we just waited and talked at regular points and was late for school by 10 minutes. Now I have a child who stands and refuses to move at regularly points on the school run, refuses to cross roads and is running in the wrong direction (towards home).

1. Reins are no longer possible he drops to floor.
2. He gets a treat of 5 mins computer time at school if he walks in well
3. He has NO computer time after school if he doesn't walk well.

What do I say to encourage him to move when, he stands still refusing to move and saying 'no' to anything I say.

The school have offered to have a teacher on the playground for a week to wait for DS, like this morning but he doesn't care as he hates school. School can do nothing else to help him and told me to do parenting course with behavioural support and this would sort the problem out.

I have spoke to behavioural support three times, who tell me I am already doing the positive parenting that the parenting course teaches and they have not got any suggestions or further advice to try.

I have a visual timetable for DS, simple morning routine and at my witts end of how to get him happily to school on time.

He does sound like he really struggles. Was the ASD traits from someone official? If he had a diagnosis (I know that can be bloody hard) it would in theory be easier to get school to cooperate and give him some leeway on start time.

I'm sorry I know it's really tough.

DD has mild traits and our best journeys are ones where she feels confident and in control. Games are good. Walking with someone outside of family she knows (even if not a friend exactly!). We tell stories, count trees/bollards play eye spy, identify plants, she chooses where to cross the road.

If sensory issues are a factor, would wearing ear protectors while outside give him one less sensation to worry about?

If he's struggling with the noise, try him with sunglasses, a sun hat and maybe even ear defenders. Games sound good. When mine are tired we like to spot the numbers on doors and talk about those or run, hop or skip to the next lamp post.

Agree with the others regarding school. They don't seem very helpful, especially given the other factors you have mentioned. If the school aren't helping I would go to the GP and ask insist on a referral to a Paed.

Could you talk to your Senco again in the meantime. Have you mentioned him having no friends and walking with his fingers in his ears and being distressed by the noise?

Forgot to say, also agree that a more instant reward might help. Could you put a small treat in your pocket and he gets it if he walks nicely?

Or music with earphones? Though of course then he wouldn't hear traffic which could be bad ...

Sigh, we are also going down the GP route but if he was to get a dx it would be mild. I also was hoping a label would get more help. But everything takes so long...The wait between appointments is months.

But the school Senco told me yesterday that even of I gave her an official dx for DS, DS would get no additional help beyond what he gets now (five minute treat on morning and eya+ plan) Luckily he presents well at a school, not violent and academical does well.

I was thinking about ear defenders but worried this would make him look different but as he is sat on the floor or screaming maybe it is a better alternative. Something to think about anyway.

Its unlikely they will say mild - at least if they are up to date. As my DDs Psychologist said, people at the high functioning end of the spectrum still can have difficulties which it is insulting to call mild.
Please start to keep a diary of the things you have noticed. Such as complaints about noise, not liking being outside and so on. It will all help when you go for diagnosis.

To be honest the school do not sound very good or willing to help. There is a lot they could do - there is a poster here Mrz who is a primary teacher, and has deliberately made her classroom far less overstimulating.

You could try foam ear bugs - the type you can use on planes. however he may be happier with ear defenders. What makes him feel more anxious may not be the same things that would make you feel worse.

You can contact the National Autism Society - you don't need a diagnosis to get their help, support and advice. Their Youtube videos can be informative too.

I have got three months of behaviour diaries written and add to it daily. Highlighting some of the issues I see.

The thing is, DS has always been very quirky and until he started school it never bothered me.

I just want him to go to school happily and we are both struggling on the school runs and I want to help him.

The thing is, DS has always been very quirky and until he started school it never bothered me.

Sometimes parents adjust their routines / environment to suit their own child without really realising they are doing it iyswim? So maybe you have 'managed' his quirkiness by e.g. not going to noisy people-filled places, so you haven't noticed so much that he copes less well than other children? It is just now he has to go to the school who won't compromise for him that he is stressing out more.

Ear defenders are much better for him than sitting on the floor screaming, and less stressful for you both.

Hope you find a way through this.

Ds (now year 2) hated/hates going to school. He told me a few weeks ago that his ambition when he grows up is to dis-invent school.
Glad he thought of that after he'd written his ambition to be printed in the leavers' book.

He hates school through year R and most of year 1, in year 2 he's more, I would say indifferent-occasionally there's something he wants to go for, but really would rather not.

What I have found:

1. Scooting helps very much. If he messes around or doesn't wait for me at the designated places he doesn't get to scoot on the next journey.
2. Saying "after school we can XYZ" helps.
3. Not having something fun he's doing before school (eg computer)
4. Talking about things we see on the way, particularly looking forward to something that's slightly further on.
5. Making parts a race "I can get to the top of the hill"
6. I have acknowledged that he doesn't want to go, but said he has to.
7. Walking with a friend helps too.

There is no bullying, he has friends, nor does he find it particularly difficult academically. In fact, once he's there, there's quite a lot he enjoys. He'd just rather stay at home. Just getting him there is the problem. I remember the time where I had to peel him off every lamppost-he was clutching like a long lost brother.
I think in some ways he looks at it as a game of seeing how long he can take to avoid it.

He was bad in year R, okay in year 1 and now, once he's left the house, is almost always fine in year 2.

I know you are worried about him not being safe on his bike, but really getting him on wheels may well be your answer. At the very least every burst of co-operation gets you much further down the road.

My kids are much easier and faster if on scooters.

How about a visual system for minecraft minutes. So a minecraft sticker on his scooter handle for every road crossed/landmark reached. Then you can be calling out ''to the tree - next sticker - hurray - now to the ducks - extra sticker if you can see 5 ducks - great- next one - to the corner..'' and so on. So it is all about stickers and the journey and not the destination.

Car.

I have two dc with ASD.

Maybe normal headphones, with white noise would be better than ear headphones? I get bothered by noise around me when my defences are down, and white noise (well technically I use brown noise) really helps me zone out.

Car is not an option.

As the village school has no pupil parking, so the nearest we could get to the school is to park on the public road halfway to school, still a five minute walk away with all the same issues as the full walk after getting four kids and a pram in and out of the car too...which is why we don't drive.
The school only allow staff and people/children with blue cards disabled permits to park at the school, which makes total sense.

Today being Friday was a good day.

Had trouble getting him out of house but luckily it is

1. Friday and we all love Fridays with golden time at school.
2. I bribed him with a nice treat for breaks (allowable under school rules on a Friday only)
3. A mutual friend swung back to help me after dropping her child off and came in search of me...bless her.

So we got to school on time with smiles, great school run.

Turning it into a game sounds good. Also, perhaps he has just turned the walk in his head into an insurmountable thing. So while it's only ten minutes for you, that may seem like a long distance for him in the early morning, especially when the destination isn't all that desirable(!).

My suggestion would be to have set little 'targets' for each walk, which at first include short breaks/pauses in the journey. Break it up into shorter chunks so he doesn't feel pressured into walking the whole distance in one go.

So, for instance, I might give him an empty little money box container to carry on the way (savings for minecraft) and pop in 5p from your pocket if he leaves the front door sensibly and when you ask him, telling him that he can earn the next 5p for walking nicely to the ducks, and so on. He might quite like the sensation of rattling the box as he walks, and the sound that he makes might distract him from the sounds on the journey that he dislikes (and which are beyond his control).

If he gets bored of doing that after a few days, maybe you can get a stopwatch and time your walk - it took him 4 minutes to get to the ducks yesterday, does he think he could beat that time today?

Hope it works out!

Thanks for suggestions, I will try them all :)

Some great ideas here about walking with young children and keep them happy on the journey:

silver-fish.hubpages.com/hub/Preventing-Toddlers-From-Running-Off

Hi, I haven't got anything really to add to the great suggestions you've had here about the walk to school.

But the school Senco told me yesterday that even of I gave her an official dx for DS, DS would get no additional help beyond what he gets now (five minute treat on morning and eya+ plan) Luckily he presents well at a school, not violent and academical does well.

But I just wanted to say, the school saying a diagnosis wouldn't make any difference is nonsense. Firstly, in actual fact if a child is on SA+ or a Statement, this is based on need not on diagnosis.

Secondly, whether or not he gets a diagnosis is nothing to do with school - as you know, it'll be a paediatric assessment. They might ask for a report from school, but will put much more weight by what you say. It's so common for schools to report 'no problems' and they see no difference between him and other dc - I still get this and my ds was diagnosed (ASD) when he was 3yo and had a statement before he even started school!

Also, you can apply for Statutory Assessment of his needs yourself, with or without a diagnosis. These needs include social/behavioural as well as academic. This SA is the start of the process to get a Statement. It's better to do this if you do get a diagnosis, as though in theory it should be based on need, the reality is that a dx will add more weight.

Finally, again, if you do ever get a Statement, it's not up to school how much support they give - it'll be determined by an Ed Psych etc, and school have to follow it.

In any case, whether or not you pursue any of this, if he's on SA+ he should have an IEP, which you should be involved in setting. This can also include behavioural/social support, as well as academic. Don't let school try and fob you off that this is your problem - it's not. Go and see the Senco again - him being in Y1 and having no friends needs to be addressed by the school. Just because he's not violent and fine academically doesn't mean he doens't have needs that must be helped. School have a duty to ensure this for his sake, not just to make life easier for them.

We are going through the slow dx process.

When I first approached school with my worries, the Senco said he prob was on the spectrum (based on my concerns) but he would never get a dx or need help at school.

Now we are travelling through the dx process.

The message is even with a dx, they will not give more help as he doesn't need it.

He is know on eya+ due to a failed asd outreach assessment based on am hour watching him on the classroom, where he masks the best.

I will wait and see how his behaviour is next year. He got worse between nursery and reception and reception to year one. Hoping he will feel happier next year. Fingers crossed.

Regarding friends.

School originally said he had loads of friends but couldn't name them.

Later gave one possible name of a child I have never heard my son mention or speak to.

When we were awaiting assessment from ASD outreach. Class teacher said he didn't play with but alongside the other children.

Post outreach assessment, school are back to saying loads of friends. Not that they can name any again.

Sigh, I hope they are right.

Fuuny I came back to this thread ..firstly to see how school run had gone and secondly I couldn't get the thought he had no friends out of my head..

I would want to have a chat with Ds about friends and teachers to see what is been done to help him with friends.

To be honest, he doesn't seem to mind. He prefers computers to people.