Smacking

[alwaysblonde]

I was smacked a lot as a child. Not a tap on the legs but pull the pants down and proper whacks. I remember my brother and I screaming blue murder. It's odd, my mum denies it was that bad yet my dad says that I was very naughty.

Issue is I'm 20 weeks and thinking about how I want to discipline. Personally I don't wish to smack due to the following.

1. I wouldn't want my DC to have the memories of being smacked that I have.

1. I think there are better ways of disciplining. None of my friends do it

However I mentioned this to my dad and he said "yeah right, dream on, you'll be on the phone crying to us that you can't control it".

What's the consensus on smacking? I think it's child abuse.

With the colouring book example I'm not sure I'd do all that, the first thing I'd do would be to give the colouring book back, then you could say no love, that's Alice's book, this is yours. She's using it at the moment. Maybe try to get them interested in their own book.

It's not a punishment to take off them something that isn't theirs. If they grabbed the kitchen scissors, something in a shop, a cigarette end off the ground, you'd take all of those things away. That's not a punishment, it's just common sense.

If they went to grab for it again then I might do the "Why do you want that one?" if they are old enough to understand/respond to that, if they kept grabbing for it and wouldn't let the other child colour then I'd remove them from the situation and either you get them involved in something else or you get them calm and with boundaries outlined (just your own book) before you let them back to the table. So yes semantics again but they're being removed for a reason, because letting them stay there is disrupting the other child's colouring. If you were at home and they were grabbing at a vase which was on the table instead of a colouring book, you could just take the vase out of reach instead of the child. And the removal to calm down/talk about appropriate behaviour doesn't have to be angry, stern or punitive, it can be sitting with you, having their feelings accepted, sharing ideas, blah blah.

I know I'm making it sound really in depth but in reality this whole exchange would take maybe two minutes maximum.

“They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.

This applies to all of us, in the end...

I was raised on a council estate in Sussex in the 70s...My mother was a nurse my dad a porter...They both worked nights...I was the youngest of two girls born 18 months apart...My Mother was 43 when she had me...My mother drank 4% sometimes higher alcohol every day and was a functioning alcoholic...My home was always old fashioned looking but tidy we had clothes even though they were ghastly lol... we had beds even though we had to get into them at 6.30 each night come rain or shine and we had food even though I hated it...My Mother lost both her parents when she was 13 and was raised in Southern Ireland by her sisters...My Father lost his dad when he was 14 and was raised by a strict stern single parent...My parents loved us but sadly due to their social situations financial situations and upbringings loving kids was very much unchartered waters...I was smacked as a child but for reasons that I considered to be unfair, I wasn't listened to, played with, or indulged, I was of course loved and must have been cuddled as a baby otherwise I wouldn't have developed but my childhood was sadly fraught with stress, shouting, tension, and lots of confusion, especially when my mother would be passed out drunk or we had no clean school uniform, shampoo, toothpaste, or loo roll as she hadn't made it to the shops (which were at least a 25 walk away and neither parent drove)...I turned to drugs and alcohol at 15 and ran away at 16 returning intermittently with my tail between my legs but left home and lived away from home at the age of 16...At 20 my mother died suddenly at home in my arms due to alcohol related issues...
I listen to my kids...I play with my kids...I eat with my kids food they love...I spend one on one time with my kids...I never tell my kids to "shut up" I say please be quiet I can't concentrate...I take my kids on holiday...I take my kids to restaurants...I let my kids stay up and enjoy the summer evenings and winter evenings...I take my kids into town to buy them clothes they like...I watch films with my kids...I let them have the odd day off school when they are too tired or feeling crappy...I nurse them when they are sick...I allow them and encourage their social life and I show them I should have one too and that Mummy's are not just for doing housework but have other interesting outlets...I laugh with my kids and I cry with my kids...I am toleratent and discipline calmly at times...I flip out and smack my kids on the bum when they are disrespectful and rude at times...I say sorry to them when I have lost control...I explain why I lost control...I love and learn lessons...I love and loose lessons...I am human...I am me...

Have a read of a book called Toddler Taming by Christopher green, it's a great book a and makes a lot of sense.

Thank you I will definitely give it a read...Just going to see if i can find it on Amazon now

I was smacked by my grandmother and if I am honest - almost every time she did it I deserved it. I would get a clip round the lughole for my cheek, she smacked my arse (clothed) with a pair of bellows for swearing, she smacked the back of my hand for stealing things and I would get the slipper for more serious stuff. I deserved it - I was a cheeky little shit at times, I would blame things on everyone else and I would pinch things. She once took her slipper to the back of my head for smoking and when I think about it now it was hilarious, she was 4 foot 5 and I was at least 5'2 by then.

She was a fab parent to me, much better than my actual parents but sometimes I tried her patience and it ran out. I don't feel hatred to her for it. If she would have put me on the 'naughty step' I would have sat there with my fag puffing away but the slipper to the head was enough for me that time.

DS1 got a smack on the leg when he was younger for kicking me full on in the face in a temper tantrum when I was pregnant and now really the threat of another is enough. DD1 was a bit more difficult because it was teeth with her, I know every child goes through the biting stage but she went too far and I bit her back after she left me scarred. Then it was spitting, right in your face spitting so she got a smacked arse for that, again not a bare one but she deserved it. took until she was about 6 to finally get her to see consequence.

Not sure about the etiquette on here as I've never ever written on one before ... I'm really benefitting from sharing so firstly thank ?ou...I was just wondering if anyone could reccomend a good book for guiding teenage girls...My eldest is going to be 13 in a week, and she's a wonderful young person it's just the cheek, rudeness, and sometimes vile attitude that makes my blood boil and my bottom smacking hand does (without any time to think it through)come out and I feel just dreadful afterwards, so I'm looking for real coping mechanisms...Yes I've done the confiscating stuff until the attitude is consciously tempered and that will work but only sometimes, but there are times where she literally will not back down...just over normal things like innocently parading out in hot pants and a cropped top and refusing to change and throwing a massive tantrum plus verbally abusing me (She is 5 foot 5 has legs up to her armpits and long blonde hair) just to be clear I bought the shorts for wearing leggings underneath and the top for the beach...Or for refusing to feed and change her three guinea pigs (that she pleaded for for two years and bought with her own birthday money) ...I know I aught to choose my battles but living things being ignored or how she presents herself to the outside world are I'm afraid "my two"...Can anyone help please...

smacked ok I would take your parents time from you if you smack your child, when a child is smacked you have to give them a hug before you look after them. The parent didn't bad mouth the other parent in front of the child so why should you smack them?

I was smacked and it didn't do me any harm. It was the emotional abuse that was worse. I do try not to smack dd but I have done once or twice. I think that sometimes it is ok( think lioness cuffing a cub for stepping out of line.) I am fed up with all this over thinking. Parents are human and kids need to learn.

I haven't over thought this one. Hitting people is wrong and not helpful. Hitting a child teaches them things that I don't want them to learn - bigger/stronger people have the right to dominate smaller/weaker ones, violence is an answer to a problem, their parent is unpredictable and to be feared etc.

I am not a lioness. My brain is significantly more developed and capable of much much more. Cuffing a lion cub is the response of an instinctual animal, not that of a rational and thinking human being.