DS not interested in birthday or presents.

[SoFishy]

My 9yo DS's birthday is coming up and he just doesn't want anything or want a fuss. I think I'm OK with this, I just want to know if anyone else has had similar, and if you think it's OK, and not something to worry about.

He has always been quirky, is dyslexic and very dreamy, and doesn't really know or care when his birthday is. As he's got older he's become increasingly reflective and philosophical and takes a dim view of the materialism of the world and things like advertising. (I know that sounds pretentious, it's true though! - and doesn't come from us.)

He does have passions like walking and outdoorsy stuff, he also loves computing, but we have everything he needs on that score. He hates books (despite much encouragement), he doesn't watch films. He really has a life of the mind and like long walks so that he can think or talk about his interests.

I have chatted with him about how people like to give presents on birthdays and sometimes it's as much about the giver feeling that they want to, as about what the birthday person wants. He agrees and understands that Granny etc will want to send something.

He will enjoy a cake and something like a nice lunch out, but doesn't want a party.

DP has a nerdy little toy for him which he might like. Would you give a token present? Just a card? Is it better to respect him wanting nothing at all or might that be a bit deflating on the day? He is often very sure about things but can then change his mind later.

I couldn't not give him anything. I'd give him either cash or a home made voucher for 'one birthday present' in case he changes his mind. I'd also do him a home made card if his objection is the materialism of shop bought ones.

I wouldn't worry about not wanting a party. A special lunch/day out is fine. Amongst my DC's friends parties really stopped around 7/8 and they now prefer a day out to theatre/theme park etc. with one or two best friends/family.

Thank you outraged, I love the home-made token idea and will definitely do that. :)

Can you make a series of vouchers for family walks out on some of his favourite routes, with treats included, eg stop for icecream / take picnic / pub lunch etc?

I think that a token is a wonderful idea- if he loves walks & more "cerebral" activities then a voucher for a day out at a museum, or to climb a mountain might be something he would enjoy & perhaps encourage family to give a walking book, money for boots/good quality waterproof might be an idea. Your DS sounds lovely, hope he has a happy birthday!

How about making the days activities all about his very favourite things, like his ideal day (no matter what it is), and then give him something small, perhaps privately, that shows your support of his personal interests? I can't quite think what would be best, but am imagining something symbolic like a small charm of a bird (freedom) or key (unlocking his potential) that he can look at and think about.

We have done the visit/day out thing in the past Natasha, but there isn't anything to suit his interests really atm. We do have camping trips planned which is good.

He is lovely, very kind and so clever and amazes us with his ideas and inventions and solutions to things.

I think maybe it's hard when your child is not very "normal" (whatever I mean by that) and doesn't fit in with the expectations of what children enjoy, to be sure if they are happy IYSWIM.

Thanks mustard that is giving me some ideas too. He will not see the point of anything that is not useful in itself, but there may be small things that have a purpose that could work.

I have a quirky dreamy dyslexic too. They are lovely. Mine likes all things artistic so at that age paint and paper and drawing books were the order of the day.

And start saving, one day he will discover books and then your credit card will notice. DD1 didn't learn to read until just before her Y6 SATs, she's bought 1/2 of Waterstone's making up for lost time.

Totally nocomet he can't stand books and the pressure to read (not surprisingly when it is something he associates with so much struggle) but I know him well enough to think he will come around to them. He is the kind of person who lives in his head - when he can read well enough to be able to immerse himself in a proper, gripping book I think he will love it.

Wish I had unmaterialistic children.

Yes DD1 started with a mixture of Harry Potter in book form and the CDs from the Library. Bits of Rohal Dahl (which I guess she'd done in school) and something clicked. Then she started on Twilight with DH reading some and her reading some and from then on her nose is permanently in a book.

How about buying one of those Oxfam gift cards for a goat or plumpynut or something, or organising for some of his old toys to go off to charity? Sort of a 'celebration of not needing but giving to people who do'. I would also buy him a little something - a book or some new pyjamas or something, just to mark the occasion.

Oh sorry, just spotted that the books thing won't work!

How about a book on CD - you can get most of the David Walliams ones and also Mr Gum, both funny and good for this age range? He could listen in the car...

How about a membership of something - the World Wildlife Fund, or the Young Ornithologists club, or something like that?

A voucher for an outdoors equipment type shop so he can pick some more walking gear? A survival type kit? A high ropes type course?

He sounds lovely. Is he interested in birds/animals? Maybe a guide to birds that are found in your area? Binoculars? Fishing rod?

I was going to suggest what daisy said- family walks and experiences together doing what he likes. Sounds about perfect.

My perfect birthday would be to just spend time with my family having a walk and a picnic. DH hates picnics and hates walking, so he likes to give me stuff. I pretend to be pleased, but i don;t want necklaces, i just want a day where we have nothing else to do but be together.

the membership idea is great too.

Thank you all, this is helping me get together some ideas that make me think we will be able to mark the occasion properly :) The charity present should be great especially if I can find one to do with technology. Survival kit or perhaps even a penknife could be a mini-present - or some kind of activity. Lots of ideas, thank you so much.

Sorry about your experience nochips. That's what I don't want - for what he really wants to be ignored.

Sorry Sofishy, was not meant to be a dampener! DH loves me, it is just that I crave quiet time with us as a family, not other stuff. i don't mind necklaces... I just want my day to be with my family.

I think it is fantastic that you want to do something just right for your DS. If my DS had his way (he is 4) we would spend the day looking at snails and reminding ourselves they are little gastropods then have a trip to Aldi. That sounds okay too.:)

It's OK, I didn't mean to be negative either! :)

Green energy?
www.oxfam.org.uk/shop/oxfam-unwrapped/for-the-guys/green-energy-ou8012ml

train a teacher?
concerngifts.org/charity-gift/p/teacher-training

or help a child who needs a bit of joy?
shop.savethechildren.org.uk/wishlist/give-more-joy/