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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

starting potty training again - give me reassurance!

28 replies

miranda2 · 17/03/2004 16:09

hi everyone. I started training ds just before Christmas, but gave up after 2 weeks as he still just poohed in his pants and ignored it, and seemed to have no awareness that he was about to wee.
Suddenly flipped yesterday morning as he lay (big 2y8m lump of a boy) on the bathroom floor and demanded a 'training nappy' (goodness knows where he got the phrase from, they are just normal nappies!). Told him he was a big boy now and i expected him to go in the potty or loo, he didn't need nappies like a baby anymore. Packed him off to nursery and told them to train him!!!
Four accidents at nursery yesterday (they potted him every half hour), then poohed himself in the evening (after half an hour of sitting on the potty with me trying to get him to pooh - grr).
Hav packed him off to nursery again today with big bag of changes of clothes.
The thing that annoys me and i think made me flip into just doing it, is that if he does decide to go on the potty or loo, ever since training him last time he now demands a sweet or sticker for producing anything! I refuse to keep buying nappies for a child that can sit on the loo when he chooses to and demand a sweet - it isn't meant to be somehting he does when he fancies a sweet, ffs!! I know, i know , i shouldn't have bribed him last time...
Really don't want to stop trying this time! He seems so big now (lots of my friends have just had babies....). Any tips/reassurance?

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Original poster

miranda2 · 17/03/2004 16:27

Anyone?

OP posts:

JanZ · 17/03/2004 16:35

Can't really give you much reassurance expcet to say I am further behind than you....! Ds is 3.5 and we're now into our third attempt at potty training (first two were very half hearted). Progress IS being made this time, very slowly but only because he now understands the concepts of bribes, I mean REWARDS !

Still having accidents though (especially poohs) and we have to remind him that he only gets "chocca buttons" or "'nomen" (snowmen, aka small M&S chocolate bunnies) IF he actually DOES something in the potty! But at least this time around, the accidents are being balanced by successes.

throckenholt · 18/03/2004 07:47

My DS1 is also 2 years 8 months - we are also attempting potty training again (half hearted attempt last summer, concertred 3 day attempt at Christmas resulted in hysterical child). We are going to make a big effort at Easter.

Like your son, mine also doesn't care if he has wet trousers, but at least he can now reliably tell you if he has done a wee or a poo. Sometimes now he says he needs a wee, but when he gets to the potty he doesn't quite know how to do it.
He does get very excited when he succeeds and then wants to do it again immediately

We are attempting to use a star system with the bribe of a combine harvester that he has been coverting as the reward. He likes the idea - but seems to think teddy can wee for him and get a star He only has 1 star so far !

I think the key is to remain patient and not make a big deal out of it - not easy I know. Try not to pressure him and let him do it in his own time.

Maybe tell him that this packet of nappies is the last one - count down to the end of the packet and then see what happens.

melsy · 18/03/2004 08:51

I posted this a few weeks ago, it may help to make it fun at least.

Good luck Miranda 2 & others!

post back and let me know if it is successful may then use the technique myself in a year or so from now!!!!

Original poster

miranda2 · 18/03/2004 13:04

Well - he is having c.3/4 accidents at nursery. They say he isn't bothered, keeps commenting on the big bag of spare clothes and saying 'they;re my clothes so when i wet it doesn't matter' or similar!!! BUT does seem to be progress - he is capable of doing a wee on the potty or toilet (prefers loo with loo seat) if he is there, and this morning FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER he ASKED for the loo!! We were in the bathroom and I'd just taken his night nappy off. I'd asked if he needed a wee and he said no, but a couple of minutes later he tugged at the loo seat to lift it and said 'wee coming mummy'. Wehn I pulled his trousers down he was dry, then a few seconds aftr getting him on the loo he weed!!!! Could have cried i was so chuffed. Told him how clever he was and we made a big show of putting a smily face on his chart (I've told him when he gets three he gets a sweet to try to wean him off expecting a sweet every time),and gave him a sticker. Here's hoping its downhill all the way.... NOT looking forward to the weekend thoug!

OP posts:

poppyknot · 18/03/2004 13:51

Posted last month in despair - DD1 was 3(!!!!) and still not interested in pants or potties. As per advice, I just played it cool(ish..) and even dropped the whole thing for a while

here . She was a champion at sitting on the potty, doing nothing, getting up and then doing a wee on the carpet.

Eventually the penny dropped (as it were) and DD1 can now go to playgroup in pants. We found the duck loo seat more popular than the potty. It did just seem to be a case of her deciding one day to go along with it - and she even forgot about stars and sweets it became so natural.

It reminded me of trying to get DD2 to take a bottle at about 4 months - at the time it was despairing and at the back of my mind I felt I was doing things the wrong way (and too late etc) but in the end it did happen.

I realise that the "it will happen eventually" thing is no comfort at the moment, but I am sending you all my best "potty" thoughts (in the nicest possible way)..........
Good luck -

vivat · 18/03/2004 14:07

maybe a bit early still? - we tried for the first time at about 2.8 with ds and it didn't work at all. He ended up getting constipated because would refuse to do poos anywhere and everyone got very upset. We completely stopped and put him back into pullups, suggesting the toilet where appropriate, but putting him under no pressure. We then tried again after he turned three in November and it was much easier (although poos took a bit longer). Less pressure definitely worked for us

Northerner · 18/03/2004 14:14

Hmmm. Am following this thread with interest. My ds is 2 on 5th April, and so many people are now asking 'Oh, is he still in nappies then?' I feel under pressure to start potty training, but am convinced he is not ready yet. I must say I am dreading doing it.

lou33 · 18/03/2004 14:29

2 is the earliest I ever considered potty training Northerner, don't feel pressured, you know your child best.

roisin · 18/03/2004 14:30

Northerner - go with your gut feeling as to whether he is ready or not, and ignore the helpful advice/pressure from others. Both my boys were clean and dry within a week of starting, because they were ready, (they were just 2 but they were ready). Make your decision as to when he is ready, and go for it. When ds1 decided he wanted to start using the potty ds2 was only 6 wks old and I was breastfeeding ... it certainly wasn't my idea to run around after potties at that point in time! But he was ready and got the hang of it within a couple of days.

So take heart! Time it right and potty training can sometimes be easy. (I was dreading it too.)

oliveoil · 18/03/2004 14:31

I have heard that girls can be trained earlier than boys, is this rubbish?

lou33 · 18/03/2004 14:39

I think it's downt o the child. IIRC ds1 was trained earlier than my two girls. Still doing ds2 atm.

roisin · 18/03/2004 14:42

I'd heard that too oliveoil, but I've no idea if it is statistically accurate. Certainly my personal experience of close friends of my boys would suggest the opposite. Maybe we should do a mumsnet survey?!

Original poster

miranda2 · 18/03/2004 15:47

I did wonder if it was too early - my plan was to wait until summer when he's 3. But I don't know - I just cracked. He seems so big and so bright (just started talking so now seems older), and I'm pretty sure he knows exactly what to do but either isn't interested or is too lazy to do it!
We'll see how it goes...

OP posts:

marialuisa · 18/03/2004 16:15

A straw poll of friends and family would suggest that girls are generally ready sooner and are less hassle. I think your own experience colours any advice you give, DD trained herself at 18m so obviously I find it easier to relate to training younger chldren but at the same time my friend has an 18m old who doesn't walk or talk at all (no developmental probs) and I couldn't imagine anyone thinking he was ready to train.

juniper68 · 18/03/2004 17:22

My son is 3.5 and just starting to use the loo. He's not liked the potty too much. He won't do a No. 2 on it though and isn't dry at night. DS1 was dry night and day at 2.8 so they're all different.

bundle · 18/03/2004 18:28

what about the night time thing? dd1 will be 4 in june and although she's talked about abandoning her night time nappy, I'm reluctant as it's always sopping in the morning. where do you start with this one? tia

roisin · 18/03/2004 19:25

You could try just leaving the nappy off for a couple of nights (when the weather's fine and laundry is easy!) and see what happens. But be prepared to be patient if necessary.

My two have both been pretty late at night Bundle - ds1 was still in sopping nappy every morning when he was 4.5, then suddenly dry overnight when he was a couple of months off 5.

DS2 is 5 in May, and he seems fairly close. From time to time I leave the nappies off for a couple of days, but it just results in endless laundry We try "lifting" too, but he still doesn't make it through the night dry. I'm trying to be patient

Some kids are dry at night at 2 - I guess they're just different. DS2 is in bed for 13+ hrs a night, so I guess it's a lot to ask.

elliott · 18/03/2004 21:31

miranda2, I have heard many people say that closer to 3 is more realistic for a lot of boys. I have also heard 'if its not easy, then they're not ready'. I also wonder whether its possible that he understands what is required, but is still physically unable to do it - he may just not know when he is about to wee or poo. And he knows that it matters!
I'm sure my ds1 has a very clear understanding of what potty training is all about, but I still don't think he's ready as he shows no signs of knowing when he is about to do a wee.
The other thing to bear in mind is that although many 3 year olds are officially 'trained', as in not in nappies, from my observations its quite common for them not to be very reliable - the hassle of constantly reminding, toileting and changing after accidents is probably greater than the hassle of nappies. So really there's not a lot of point in rushing it...(that's what I tell myself anyway )

bundle · 23/03/2004 17:01

thanks roisin, I just wondered whether people do the lifting thing as a matter of course, or whether you just go cold turkey & stop them drinking so much an hour or so before bedtime. dd's best friend was dry at night/day simultaneously so I think she's feeling the pressure a bit

Freddiecat · 23/03/2004 17:12

I was still in night nappies aged 4. I actually remember how horrible plastic pants felt and that my mum threatened not to let me start school until I was out of nappies at night (I was really excited about school).

(Now there's an admission)

I would like to reassure you that I am now a normal 29 year old with no toilet issues.

Something that seems to be working with my DS is that when he does a wee I help him pour the wee into the loo and flush the loo (atm he is doing 3 or 4 wees per session which means 3 or 4 flushes which I'm trying to discourage). I also show him when I tip his poo from the nappy into the loo and let him flush. He is now enjoying saying "bye bye wee wee" and "bye bye poo". Not sure whether this is setting up unecessary attachments for the future but it's the only time gets to flush the loo so sometimes squeezes the most pathetic wee out just to flush.

bundle · 23/03/2004 17:15

freddiecat, lol!
I'm not so worried about dd's nappy - she just keeps saying she wants to go to bed without one, but it's sopping in the morning & with an 11 mth to sort out too, I really don't want to be washing lots of sheets. or having her wet herself which I think she'd find demoralising.

twiglett · 23/03/2004 17:27

message withdrawn

papillon · 23/03/2004 17:50

do you let him watch u go to the loo?
Worked for my nephew one Christmas. He just watched us go in - would follow ... and watch.
He then ended up going in himself and weeing in the corner! But anyway despite abit of wee in the corner he trained very quite by watching the adults!

I think he still wears a night nappy though at 3.5 years

oxocube · 23/03/2004 18:52

ds2 is 2 and 5 months and I started potty training (not too strictly) a few weeks ago. At home we are usually fine as I leave him with no pants on and only a tee-shirt/ sweater and he uses the potty or loo for wees and poos. But if he has trousers on, I find he can't pull them down quickly enough to get there in time, and we do have accidents if out shopping, for a walk etc. He is the latest of my 3 to be potty trained: - ds1 was 20 months!!!!!!; dd about 2 and half. Its interesting that lots of people give sweets etc as a reward. I've never done that (although ds does get sweets at other times). Does it help? He does watch me on the loo all the time and offers to 'hold me' and wipe which I think is hilarious. He also wants to flush the loo for everyone in the family .

My honest opinion is that you can worry about it too much. I still put ds in nappies for nursery twice a week, even though he has had a few dry nights. Life's too short ...

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