DS1 comes across as gormless

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He's not, he's a bright friendly boy but in new or uncomfortable situations he goes completely within himself and answers in grunts.

He's 13 and I can't see him ever walking into a room and someone thinking, I want to get to know you better or I want to employ you.

He's not short of friends and on holiday etc will soon be running around with new mates, but with adults he really comes across badly.

I had to take him to work yesterday (teacher's strike) where he was useful as a runner etc but he barely spoke to anyone, even when spoken to, to the point of rudeness.

What have I done wrong and what can I do to fix it? BTW I understand shyness, I am very much an introvert myself, but I hope not rude.

MadBusLady Sat 29-Mar-14 11:32:35
"Am I the only person giggling at the idea of a 13yo boy saying "Thank you, they look delicious"?"

I'm not even sure I'd be giggling in real life. A 13yo trying to talk like an adult in the workplace would sound suspiciously like a 13yo expecting to be of equal rank in the workplace. Ime a little shyness and diffidence is not a bad thing when you are the youngest person present.

This boy said 'please' and 'thank you' and made himself useful. That is precisely the kind of manners I would like to see in a 13yo.

I think that a very small child parroting a parent is quite charming, I have had it today with a child who is just three years, but it is quite different when an older child does it because they are schooled by the parent. Leave well alone, other than being polite.

Your use of the word 'perform' is interesting!

I was going to say that to be fair to the OP, we do talk about work in terms of performance and how well people perform all the time - but if he was only there to accompany the OP because of a strike, actually, I can't help but agree with thornrose...

I am with Delphinium. As parents we might dream of our children being the centre of attention and charming the whole room- but the truth is that other people may not crave for the experience quite as much.

I am always happy when colleagues bring their children in, and if they are polite and helpful that is certainly a bonus, but I never go home thinking "oh my day is ruined, oh if only X's ds could have provided more scintillating conversation".

A 13yo behaving like a 21yo job seeker isn't necessarily everybody's ideal. Any more than a 21 turning up at a workplace and trying to speak like the 51yo boss.

When I see a 13yo behaving like a normal polite 13yo I think there is every chance that in 8 years time he will be behaving like a normal polite 21yo, the kind that you might well want to give a job or get to know better. When I see a 13yo behaving as if he was 21 I can't help wondering what he will be like at 21.

I think OP just sounds frustrated but this is one of those situations where you need to do a little bit to help but not overdo it and revise your expectations. Otherwise you will seriously piss your son off.
My DH was a very chatty cute sounding toddler then at 9 according to his (kind hearted but frankly pushy and bossy mum )went quiet. To be honest he's never really come out of it but one thing I'm sure didn't help is his mums constant nagging of him to talk to her etc. She goes on about it every time we meet. My DH just ignores her as he clearly finds her annoying.

let him be. It isnt a reflection on you.