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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Is 6mths too early to know right from wrong?

60 replies

Chloe55 · 18/08/2006 09:12

The reason I ask is because my 6mth old is very into hair grabbing, which if he does it to me then I can just untangle my hair from his fingers and that's that but he tries to grab the dog's hair at every opportunity. My dog is very placid and looks at me as much as to say get him off......please. I never leave them unattended and need ds to get used to having the dog around and behaving in the correct manner with him.

So, I have been allowing ds to be near the dog, supervised by me and when he grabs his hair I get down to his level and firmly say no. I did this yesterday and he cried so I actually thought ah, good, he know's that he will get a not good reaction from me for hair pulling.

I was telling dh about my disciplining last night and although he is leaving it up to me as I am with ds all day he said he was far too young to understand why I was being mean to him Am I right to tell him NO at this age or should I just let it go for a little while longer?

OP posts:

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Beetroot · 18/08/2006 09:13

yes it is to early

just don't put him near the dog!

coppertop · 18/08/2006 09:14

Far too young.

Mum2FunkyDude · 18/08/2006 09:14

My ds did the same, I just took hold of his hand and said, don't pull be gentle and then opened his hands, he still grabs hair, but when I say be gentle he stops pulling. HTH

hunkermunker · 18/08/2006 09:15

It's FAR too early - I have a 2.4yo and a 7mo - the 2.4yo would just be getting that now, I think.

hunkermunker · 18/08/2006 09:15

Please don't talk about disciplining a 6mo

sallycinnamon · 18/08/2006 09:16

You're not being mean! DD used to pinch my neck whenever I was changing her and it used to hurt like hell. I think I did the same as you but then would get dd's hand and place it gently on my skin and say "that's much better!" She soon got the idea.

Original poster

Chloe55 · 18/08/2006 09:16

Ha ha I knew I'd get that reaction - when is not too early then? And surely I have to start letting him know that he shouldn't pull hair in general. he thinks it's funny to play the 'I'll throw this toy on the floor and mummy will pick it up time and time again' game so I was assuming that he is knowing outcomes of situations to an extent. IE - if I pull Charlie's hair mummy will be cross?

OP posts:

liath · 18/08/2006 09:16

TBh I don't think they understand at this age. Dd certainly didn't (and has problems with the concept of "no" even now at 17 months ). I think at this age the only thing you can do is remove them or the object of their attention or alternatively distraction distraction distraction! Unfortunately the more mobile they get the harder work it is.

ledodgyrobespierre · 18/08/2006 09:16

Well I say no to my 8 month old when he pulls my hair because it bloody hurts lol. I think they need to gradually learn not to do it however my ds thinks it's funny when I say NO and does it even more

Original poster

Chloe55 · 18/08/2006 09:17

HM - you really are making me feel mean now

OP posts:

ledodgyrobespierre · 18/08/2006 09:18

I say no in a gentle way though and do take the hair out of his hands I think this way they will learn to associate the word no with not doing something iyswim.

Beetroot · 18/08/2006 09:19

I woudl try and avoid the word no at all costs. He will be shouting it back at you in a few months!!!

Original poster

Chloe55 · 18/08/2006 09:20

why the name change ledodgy?

OP posts:

Original poster

Chloe55 · 18/08/2006 09:21

beetroot, no doubt he will!

OP posts:

ledodgyrobespierre · 18/08/2006 09:21

I changed it the other week when some of us changed our names to political revolutionaries.

ledodgyrobespierre · 18/08/2006 09:22

Funny you should say that Beetroot as my friend's little girl's first words were "NO, HOT"

IdrisTheDragon · 18/08/2006 09:24

I find (with a 2.8 year old and a 10 month old) that trying to avoid saying No, unless the situation really needs it, is wgat works best for us. Otherwise you csn find yourself saying No a lot .

Distraction, moving away from problem etc seem to work better - I think that DS (2.8) probably gets the concept of what he should and shouldn't do more now, but definitely not completely there yet.

hunkermunker · 18/08/2006 09:25

Should I apologise for that, Chloe? I just have a baby the same age and the idea of disciplining him makes me want to sob.

chocybickie · 18/08/2006 09:27

he is too young to understand what he's doing.
but you have every right to react to pain lol.
try untangling your hair and say no that hurts and move his hand over your hair in a stroking motion and smile lots.
not that i would expect that to work with a 6 month old but its better than just saying no as he won't understand at all.

Original poster

Chloe55 · 18/08/2006 09:29

No hunker, I don't expect an apology but when you put it like that it makes me feel like I have abused the poor boy in some way. But maybe I'm just being hypersensitive this am

Thanks for the advice about laying off the word NO in general, I really don't want a kid who screams it back at me all the time.

OP posts:

wheresmyfroggy · 18/08/2006 09:34

With both our dds at that age we would have said "ouch" and removed their hands if they pinched or scratched etc. DD1 definitely understood when we told her not to do something by about 19 months, dd2 is 16 months and gets it but is a crazy beast who walks on the wild side and cares not a jot for rules....

CrocodileKate · 18/08/2006 09:36

Start to teach him what to do rather than what not to do. So if he is near the dog show him how the dog likes to be touched.
He wont get it yet but it's a good way to start rather than using no.

liquidclocks · 18/08/2006 09:38

Hi Chloe - my DS started pulling at my hair around 6 months - I gently detached (well, gently as circumstances allowed) his hand, put him down and made the baby sign for 'no' and said 'no, mummy hurt.' (The baby sign is to hold your hand up like the 'stop' sign police use then move sharply to the side - he caught on to that pretty quick.) He may not understand yet but I think being consistent is really important and if you let them do things at a young age then 'change your mind' you just confuse them. My DS definitely understood 'no' as in 'stop what you're doing' by about 10/11 months.

hunkermunker · 18/08/2006 09:40

You've not abused him by saying no, of course you haven't.

I hope you get some good ideas from this thread about how to handle this in future.

I would not put my 7mo near enough the dog to pull hair (actually, I wouldn't have a dog so it's a bit moot really ) - but if he did manage to grab a handful, I'd undo it from his grasp while saying "oh dear, poor doggy, let's not pull his hair".

liquidclocks · 18/08/2006 09:42

BTW my friend who had cats did the same with her little girl (who's just a bit younger than DS) and also had problems with her scratching/pinching while BF - she caught on around the same age. I think sometimes we underestimate their capacity for understanding and also it's less about knowing right/wrong and more about recognising what mummy wants and doing it.

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