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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

How to stick to SIDS advice and not go to bed at 7pm every night?!

62 replies

FlissyFloo · 19/01/2014 14:27

I'm really confused by this and was hoping to hear how other people have approached this...
My ten week old DD has a bedtime routine which we start at 8.30pm so she's in bed at 9pm, which means DH and I go to bed then too! We would like to start moving this closer to 7pm, but honestly can't understand how people do this while sticking to the advice about baby sleeping in the same room as us. Surely if we keep her downstairs with us while we're eating/tidying up/watching TV then we can't keep things dark and quiet for her?!
What do you do/what did you do? Are we missing something obvious?!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

everythinghippie29 · 19/01/2014 14:30

I'm curious about this too, so marking my place!

Starballbunny · 19/01/2014 14:31

No the SIDS advice for bed time and the ridiculously complex co-sleeping guidance, simply doesn't work in the real world.

In the end you have to balance a ridiculously tiny risk against reality.

MozzchopsThirty · 19/01/2014 14:32

The thing you're missing is being able to put your baby down anywhere.
If you can only get her to sleep in quiet and dark then you might be in for a rough couple of years.

We used to put dcs down in Moses basket then carry it up with us when we went to bed.
Far better to have a baby you can Hoover round

SolomanDaisy · 19/01/2014 14:33

We just kept DS with us. It wasn't dark or quiet, but it didn't matter.

Fairylea · 19/01/2014 14:35

Well I'll probably get flamed but both of mine slept really well at night so I had them both sleeping in their own rooms from about 8 weeks going to bed at 6 pm. I know and understand the theory behind the sids stuff (keeping them with you helps to regulate their breathing as they can hear yours etc) but it just wasn't going to work for us as a family.

I got a very sensitive baby monitor so I could hear them literally if they just moved but I didn't have one of the breathing sensor ones as I figured the risk of sids is actually quite small in reality.

Both dd and ds have been fine (now aged 11 years and 19 months) and we are very lucky in that they both slept 6-6 from about 12 weeks. I think having a good bedtime routine and them sleeping in their own rooms really helped. And helps my sanity too so I can unwind properly with TV and lights on etc etc.

Fairylea · 19/01/2014 14:36

(Also neither of mine would sleep anywhere other than in the dark in a silent room - like me!- so I didn't really have a choice apart from that or let them go nuts with tiredness!)

HaveYouTriedARewardChart · 19/01/2014 14:39

We used a monitor with a movement sensor - brilliant for reassurance.

whereisthewitch · 19/01/2014 14:41

A video baby monitor was our solution, fair enough DD wasn't in the same room but i felt it was important she learn the difference between nap and bedtime. And at 10 weeks she was much too big for the moses basket so we didnt have a choice but to out her in her cot for bed.
The summer video monitor has a pad you out under her to check on heartbeat I think. Though when DD was tiny a 7pm bedtime for me would have been a dream come true...she didnt start a 7pm bedtime until she was about 1!

HappyGoLuckyGirl · 19/01/2014 14:42

I think the SIDS advice is not very practical in the real world.

As long as you follow the guidance re. temperature, blankets, hazards near baby's crib etc then I think that's the best you can do.

Keeping her downstairs with you would just disrupt her and you and your partner wouldn't be able to relax.

My DS slept in our bedroom in his crib until we were ready to go to bed from about 4 weeks. He went in his own room at about 5 months. Slept so much better.

stargirl1701 · 19/01/2014 14:47

We kept DD downstairs with us until 4 months. Then we took night about upstairs until 6 months. It was doable.

Pooka · 19/01/2014 15:03

For the first 3-4 months mine stayed downstairs with us until we went to bed. Didn't seem to matter about darkness and quiet. I loathe bright lighting in evenings anyway, so a couple of side lamps on is fine by me.

Starballbunny · 19/01/2014 15:08

Babies you can Hoover round are great. The trouble is most babies are like that. They are pretty good at sleeping with some background noise.

What they are awful at, and have to learn is to go back to sleep at 3am when it's dark and silent.

Both my DDs had a horrible habit of 'yell' at midnight as the TV went off and I wanted to go to sleep.

2kidsintow · 19/01/2014 15:10

We had a moses basket stand permanently downstairs and then carried the basket up to bed when we were ready to go up ourselves. This worked well except for the night that DH dropped DD1 down the stairs .

Advice is not to carry them in their moses basket and he wasn't but he has a false leg and stumbled on the stairs. Then refused to risk carrying either DDs up or downstairs from that moment.

FlossieTreadlight · 19/01/2014 15:11

We did the same as pooka for the first 3-4 months (or until she was too big for the Moses basket - whichever came first), then did bedtime routine upstairs with DD and went downstairs, leaving bedside lamp on a radio playing quietly (MW recommended this to us, rightly or wrongly) with v regular (paranoid) checks plus the monitor on.

I think all you can do is use the advice as best you can in your circumstances

FlossieTreadlight · 19/01/2014 15:12

Starball - same here. 10 mins after we nodded off is when DD would start...

pumpkinsweetie · 19/01/2014 15:18

I have always kept all my dc downstairs with me until they can no longer fit in their moses/carrycot and then take them up to bed with me when i wanted to go to sleep.
At the moment at the weekends this works well and on weekdays because my dh works nights, me & baby go up earlier as i have tv in my room.

Around 4 months baby goes up alone with monitor on

Original poster

FlissyFloo · 19/01/2014 16:03

Thanks for the replies - I think I'm stuck between the SIDS advice and the advice that babies need to learn the difference between night and day so should be in a dark, quiet room at night. Maybe I need to stop listening to so much advice It's reassuring to hear that other people don't follow all this advice to the letter, so thank you!

OP posts:

Ragwort · 19/01/2014 16:10

Fairylea - glad someone else admits to putting their baby in their own room from a few weeks old, we did exactly the same as I believed a good routine and being able to sleep in their own room was essential - we have never experienced sleep problems with our DS.

But I have been thoroughly flamed over the years on mumsnet for admitting this .

Yaya70 · 19/01/2014 16:51

Doesn't the advice about them sleeping with you just apply to where they sleep overnight? Ie, not literally for every single nap or if you put them to bed in the evening earlier than you. It didn't even cross my mind that DS should sleep in the lounge until we went to bed. He slept in the Moses basket in our room and, when he grew out of it at 3-4 weeks, in a bedside cot in our room.

BertieBottsJustGotMarried · 19/01/2014 16:54

It's only until 6 months. I didn't really do a bedtime until DS started crawling - he wasn't any bother sitting all cute and gurgly on a lap or in a bouncer, he fed and slept on and off whenever and we took him up when we went up at 10/11ish.

I think I was a bit PFB though because I didn't like the thought of him being all on his own even if he was asleep

MrsOakenshield · 19/01/2014 16:57

at that age we didn't have a bedtime routine or any set bedtime, and kept DD downstairs with us (though the lights are fairly dim in our living room in the evening) and take her up to our room at 10ish, again ensuring that the lights were dim. As she got older she went up earlier and we had the monitor - I agree that the SIDS advice is to do with where they spend the bulk of the night.

We had her in with us until 6 months, by which time I couldn't wait for her to be in her own room! (though at 5 months I couldn't imagine not having her in with us!)

Lj8893 · 19/01/2014 16:58

I felt exactly like this, and did keep dd with us for the first month or so. She's 12 weeks now and we put her to bed 7/8ish in our room with a monitor, I then go up to bed with her about 11.
She was sleeping downstairs but if she stirred and there was things going on she would wake up properly, if she stirs in the dark and quiet she just goes back to sleep.

TalkinPeace · 19/01/2014 17:08

SIDS advice
go back to the medical data ....
DD was born when the frenzy was at its peak : I was told by an HV that DD would die if I put her to sleep on her front

so I read the medical studies
the top ten risk factors are ALL to do with poverty
the next five are to do with maternal age and nutrition
if I remember right, sleeping on back or front was around risk factor 29
(DD is now 15 BTW)

so I read, digested and understood the data and had my kids sleeping on their fronts in their own rooms as quick as I could

but made sure they could not overheat (the actual risk factor that much of the advice is trying to deal with)

OP
be aware but do not be paranoid

PortofinoRevisited · 19/01/2014 17:14

My dd is nearly 10. She was put to bed in the Moses basket upstairs about 7 or 8 with the baby monitor - then she went in her room in the cot at about 8 weeks in a grobag. She was always a good sleeper but used to snuffle a lot and keep me awake. Daytime naps when newborn were either the bouncy chair or the sofa. Or on me.

bella411 · 19/01/2014 17:24

We put our little girl in her crib on her own in our room from day one but had a monitor. I often only went to bed a couple of hours after her anyway, though the sids thought never came to my mind in between her going to bed and us going.

As well children learning to sleep through noise, I think they need to learn to sleep in the dark and quiet, therefore night times were quiet and day times naps tv etc wasn't turned down.

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