I KNOW its normal behavior, but need a variety of methods to deal with it. Admittedly I'm really struggling.

[jimijack]

Ds 1 is 10.

He is annoying, frustrating, hard work and we are just not getting on.

He shouts out, repeats words over & over at varying volumes. He talks none stop. Cannot/will not sit still. Has to be asked over and over again to do simple tasks. (Get dressed, put shoes on).
Siulky, silly behavior.
His sleeping is awful, he is up until 11 at night, despite going to bed at 8.30.

We go round in circles. He knows all of this ends in him getting shouted at but still does it all.

My question is what do you do to manage your child if any of these behaviors are familiar to you?

Is it normal? It doesn't sound anything like our DS same age. He does have a couple of annoying habits (don't we all!) but he'll stop them when we ask unless it is DD who asks but then winding up your sister deliberately is run of the mill isn't it.

We did have a problem with having to ask over and over again but it was mostly to do with him being focussed on other stuff when we asked. So now we get him to repeat the request to be sure his brain has registered it.

About sleep, DS has to get up at 6.30 for school and goes to sleep around 9. What does your DS do between 8.30 and 11? Perhaps he doesn't need to be in bed so early if he is getting up after 7?

Having questioned his teachers about their view on his behaviour and been told it's normal, and repeatedly questioned the HV when he was little if his behaviour was normal and they told me it was, I have to accept that this is what many boys are like.

He has always, from birth been very high maintenance, hard work n every way.

He reads his books at night.
We have put his bedtime to 9, but that makes no difference.

OK, hope someone with a more typical 10 year old DS is along soon with some ideas for you!

My DD2 who has AS does these things. This is how we manage it.

He shouts out, repeats words over & over at varying volumes. We try to give her times to do it and acknowledge that it's a coping mechanism at times of tiredness or high anxiety.

He talks none stop. Can't help with this one I'm afraid.

Cannot/will not sit still. She uses a wobble cushoin at the table and a gymball to sit on for tv, etc.

Has to be asked over and over again to do simple tasks. (Get dressed, put shoes on). Carefully structured routines and visual timetables. Very simple language repeated in exactly the same format until the task is completed. Reduced distractions, e.g. no tv on.

Siulky, silly behavior. Again this can be caused by anxiety to we try to reduce activities that create it.

His sleeping is awful, he is up until 11 at night, despite going to bed at 8.30. Audiobooks help, although she now takes medication to hellp her fall asleep which replaces a hormone known to be deficient in children with AS/ASD.

Thank Gold great tips there.

The talking and moving all the time sound like they could be sensory issues.

Like Gold I have a Dd with Asd,[not saying your Ds does] she never stops moving or talking. It is very hard work. I agree with the wobble cushion and gym ball idea for the moving and I use the MAKATON sign for "Stop" when my ears start to hurt!!

The following instruction thing maybe that he isnt processing the information. Is he able to follow small single step instructions?

My Dd is 11 but her social and emotional skills are roughly 3/4 years delayed so her behaviour can seem imature at times.

The sleeping thing could again be sensory issues, too hot, too cold, uncomfortable or it could be anxiety related or the inability to switch off.

I think if you have struggled with this for years it may be time to ask your GP for a referral to a developmental paediatrician to make sure your Ds doesnt have an underlying condition that he needs help and support with.

Good luck

I teach children with asd. (not saying your child has asd) but we ran a judo club. blooming amazing. kids loved it and the structure. and the general rolling about and squashing each other (and teachers!) Judo was invented for children in school in the first place. imo martial arts should be on the curriculum. I think kids still need the kind of roly ploy stuff toddlers do! just another suggestion for something he could get into to raise self esteem/ tire him out etc?

I also don't think it's normal behaviour if its constant. I've had 3 10 year old boys and lots of contact with many others. I think you need to see your GP, it sounds like you need help.

And darjeeling makes a very good point.

do teachers have no issues with him at school at all?

Thanks for talking to me about this. I actually feel very guilty, alone, depressed and sad about the situation.

I firmly believe that the issue is with me, not him or his behaviour. It's me not coping or managing it well enough.

I admit to always airing on the negatives with him. It is very destructive I find.
He is different in my eyes, to all of my friends children he has grown up with. I compare him. Always have done.
How bad is that.

Pnd, with him drove a wedge that is clearly still there.
God, I've never told anyone any of this. Feel wretched.

Yes, teachers have always had issues with him. They are adamant it's behaviour not associated with any conditions.
Just challenging behaviour.
Not constant, occasional.

oh jimi huge hugs. don't blame yourself please. do you think you are still suffering pnd? (my sister kind of stayed depressed after her dd, now 9)

regarding ds - how is he academically?

reading your original post again I'm not sure I'd say what you describe is 'normal.' it's certainly not easy for either of you.

Behind academically, although this year he has a great teacher who he likes so coming up leaps & bounds.

I'm not suffering from pnd now. I have an 11 month old too and feel totally different with him. Totally different experience altogether. A happy, delightful experience.

The teachers wouldnt necessarily know though would they? What behaviour does he display at school? Becasue based on what u say and comparing it to 9yo boyd I know including my own it doeant sound normal.

Fidgety yes.
Have to be told 2-3 times- sometimes, sometimes not.
Constant talking no. That could be varaiable though

Constant repeating of words- no.

Unfortunately if he does have anything and is managing just anout ok it is a battle to get help.

Ohjimijack, don't blame yourself!

I have a friend who has felt exactly how you do for ten years. She blamed her own parenting despite the fact that she has other children who don't behave like this and with whom she has a very close bond. Her son is expected to have a formal diagnosis of ASD very soon.

Teachers are not qualified to rule out ASD. I was told by both my DD's teachers and TAs that their problems were behaviour, not ASD repeatedly, some continued even after they had a diagnosis. It is relatively normal for children with ASD to cover their biggest difficulties in school.

Your DS needs to be assessed by a paediatrician or CAMHS, whichever is appropriate in your area.

In the meantime Google ASD Friendly which is a brilliant site for children who have, or may have ASD at all levels and also have a peek in the Special Needs section on here.

You're not alone.

Again I agree with gold , you need to get a medical professional to assess your Ds.

If you want to try to turn things around though, try this.

Every single time you catch your Ds being good make a comment eg, "you ate your cereal beautifully" or "You found your shoes soo quickly" even if you have had to ask him a few times.
Write everything positive no matter how tiny on a scrap of paper and post it in a box. At the end of the day sit with him and read all the little notes, it is guaranteed to help him go to bed feeling positive.

If he goes to bed feeling positive he will probably get up feeling positive and it starts ti become easier.

It doesnt mean you never tell him off again but what it does is change the balance in the house from negative to positive and it is brilliant. I have tried and tested this with Dd1 who is demand avoidant and probably has Asd/Adhd although she is undiagnosed.

Also have a look at strategies that work for children with Asd, using them cannot hurt your Ds and they could be life changing.

You can do this, you just need to believe in yourself and get some help and support. Dont believe people who blame your parenting get a referral and get him checked out.

Good luck

Jimi I agree with other posters you shouldn't blame yourself for any problems. I have 2 sons aged very nearly 9 and 6. The 6 yr old has autism and has similar traits to what you have described. It's due to sensory processing difficulties. Teachers are not qualified to say your son has a condition or not. They are not developmental paediatricians. My eldest is not as you have described. He is cheeky and pushes the boundaries sometimes but his behaviour is very different from his brother. Please don't beat yourself up about any issues you have they are not your fault but I would strongly recommend that you go and speak to your gp and ask for a referral for your son to be assessed.

I agree with Ineedmore on the positive reinforcement.

I would also advocate lots of outdoor and sporting activities such as bike riding, going to the local park every day, and football/hockey/rugby clubs if possible. If you are out of the house there is less time/possibility for annoying behaviours and the exercise and fresh air may help sleep patterns. Take the baby along too in buggy or bike seat.
I found it easier to have natural chat with my DS whilst kicking a ball with him, than in the house a lot of the time, and it also helped to keep me fit, cheerful and sleeping well.
I am also a fan of martial arts for discipline, concentration and self esteem for 'different' children.
Don't be too hard on yourself, just be the best Mum that you are able to be each day. Good luck!

fabulous advice here

I taught in mainstream for 5 years and had no clue about asd. now teach in an sen/ asd school (7 years) and we still get surprised by children who get late asd diagnoses. I'm thinking of one who was disgnosed 2 years after he left us at 13. it is a wide spectrum. however the hardest thing (for the child as well as adults) is the anxiety, which often results in 'challenging' and/or repetitive behaviours which many 'asd' strategies aim to help/ support.

many children without asd have the same/ similar anxieties / behaviours due to their difficulties - for eg adhd, sensory processing difficulties, dyspraxia, dyslexia. And many of the strategies used with asd children work very well for these children too (in my experience).

even as a teacher in an sen school we're not allowed to 'diagnose' / rule out things like asd. but we do try all the strategies we possibly can to help.

I think I would definitely speak to gp and if possible CAMHS.

(apologies for spelling and punctuation I've buggered up my phone's auto thingy)

OP I am moved to tears. I could have written this post . Right down to feeling very depressed, alone, guilty. My son if nearly six. We have always known he was different but no diagnosis as yet. He doesn't do the repeating words but I'd repetitive in other ways eg irritating behaviours, songs. I have a 3 yr old son who is a different child entirely and now an 8 week old daughter. Things with my son have reached a head this hols and we have had a miserable time. His anxieties are out of control and he too does not sleep until 11pm most nights. I had pretended to myself there was nothing 'wrong' with him but this holidays I can't deny it any more. Reading other posts I feel devastated as he clearly is looking more and more AS. Thank you for making me realise I'm not alone in struggling with a tricky child. My guilt at my feelings of anger/ irritation/ frustration has been overwhelming. I almost felt I didn't like him at times. It is SO SO hard and no one really gets it unless they have been here. Good luck. I will be trying some of the very helpful tips mentioned here.

hyper why dont you pop over to the Sn children board, there are some very knowledgable people over there and it is a great place for advice and support.

jimi you might find more help over there too. The Sn children board is for all parents with children with additional needs whether they have a diagnosis or not.

Maybe see you over there

Thank you Ineedmore. I may well do. Just still very sensitive about whole thing and not sure i can go there just yet (feeling a bit wobbly due to lack of sleep/ post natal hormones). Sorry to hijack thread a bit OP.