Ds (6) refusing all fruit and veg. What do I do?

[cupcake78]

It's not due to a genuine dislike as he eats it at school and for others. At home he is beyond difficult to feed and I've had enough!

I'm making weaning meals for dd and then meals for dh and I. I'm sick of cooking and come the new year dh and I will be watching what we eat! Dd is on a dairy free diet.

Ds is another matter all together. Tonight I have left him at the table with a plate containing a very small amount of stir fry veg, one strip of pepper a mange tout and some cabbage. I have told him until he eats it he stays there.

I think I need a firm approach to this as it's not fear of food it's just he's being picky.

Ideas people have given me so far is only feed him the same food day after day. Eg ham sandwich till he's that sick of it he's begging for something else.

Eat his pudding in front of him if he hasn't eaten his veg. This seems very cruel but I'm tempted!

Make him sit till he eats it but not give him so much he's starving.

I wouldn't make it into a battle. If he doesn't eat it do what? Give him a supplement. But no sweets chocolate or other treat type food ever. If he eats some veg then he can have a treat (the treat could be non food, eg 5 mins on club penguin). But if you make it a battle, he's winning

My 6yo wouldn't eat those veggies either. Are there any that he does like?

I'd make a total non issue of it. Put food down tell him that what's for dinner. Pudding fruit or yoghurt whether he eats or not. I don't like the whole food as reward or punishment thing it's why we have such food issues in this country.

My daughter was a nightmare with food. I had so many battles with her. I got as far as giving her her dinner for breakfast the next day! Nothing worked. In the end I took advice and decided to let her get on with it. End of stress and not giving her possible food issues when she was older. She's now 22 and eats most stuff. I know it's difficult but just chill out.

You are making food a battle.

Stop.

If he won't eat it, he won't eat it. He doesn't get anything else, though.

Stop cooking for him and just cook for everyone.

He eats carrots, potatoes , peas, sweetcorn, onion, tomatoes, olives, celery for others. He eats fruit each day at school such as apples, oranges, grapes, bananas etc. At home he refuses to eat any of the above.

I'm sure I am partially to blame as I probably let him get away with it as he holds out till I give him something he will eat eg a sandwich.

My 6yo is none too keen on fruit and veg (has food allergies too which doesn't help), but at that age imo they're old enough to understand the importance of it in their diet. DS1 knows that he gets constipated if he doesn't eat enough, I had a chat with him and made a deal that I wouldn't make him eat veg he hates (e.g. cauliflower) but he must choose a couple of veg which he 'least dislikes' (for him, broccoli, carrots and sweetcorn) and he has at least one of those every day. Same with fruit. That way there's no stress, no battles, he's in control of what he eats but he gets enough veg/fruit to make me feel like not a totally inadequate parent :) Maybe worth a try?

Ok so I'm right in thinking he gets what we all get? Your all right it does stress me out because we eat loads of salad, veg and fruit in this house. I hate processed foods but he would live on them.

So I feed him what we eat and when he doesn't eat it, hits meltdown, refuses to sleep because he's so hungry what do I do with him then?

You say 'It's your fault you're hungry because you wouldn't eat your dinner. For tonight only, you can have some toast. After this, eat your dinner.'

I wouldn't be mean, but you do need to be strict.

Or you can do the other thing I do, which is if he has two bites of his dinner, or however many, he can have toast or something.

But not pudding or yogurt or anything sweet. It's not a reward. It's a compromise.

Don't give food as treats, that's not what I meant. But definitely give him the meal and if he doesn't eat it take it away. No discussion. If he eats veg gets a treat eg cob penguin 5 mins but no discussion just do it. He will work out correlation . Fwiw I had deal with my 3 kids that they could each have 3 veg they were not made to eat, eg Aubergine courgette okra.
A friend has 2 kids one won't eat green food one won't eat red and they throw a tantrum if they see it on the table. They never come to tea at my house

One of the children I child minded for was like this. Would eat at mine but not at home.
As it was the holidays so was having a good main meal at mine. Plus would eat breakfast at home I advised mum to take the battle away.
That night she set the table for three instead of four. Called his brother for the meal they sat down and ate.
Older boy carried on playing. They finished and she cleared away at which time he came into the kitchen and asked why he wasn't having any dinner. ' you don't like my food so your only eating at Shoshas' she said totally nonchalant
He went to bed with out dinner a rather puzzled little boy.
Ate a big breakfast snack cooked lunch and snack with me.
Same happened at home that night. But this time the came into the kitchen while they were eating. Still Nome was offered
Same the next night. This time he sat at the table and said ' I think I might have just a little bit if your dinner Mum' and ate a small dinner.
It wasn't all plain sailing but the did start to eat more than chips and nuggets. :)

If he's eating well at school I really wouldn't worry about it. Just take his plate away when he's finished with no fuss and if he's still hungry offer something really boring like a cheese sandwich or beans on toast. Either take hardly any time or effort - certainly less effort than arguing about it and him sitting at the table for ages refusing to eat anything.

Children won't eat dinner if they learn they can refuse it and later have exactly what they want.
Hmm. Eat this celery Wolfie. No.
Can I have a cream cake? I'm hungry. Ok Wolfie

Wolfie says tee hee. Yum yum!!

Wolf that is exactly what has been happening and it's been done over such a long time I've not realised!

You just say 'yes, you're hungry cos you didn't eat your dinner. Sorry but no food until next mealtime' they soon learn. They push boundaries, it's normal and you have to be firm

He isn't eating what you want him to eat because you are engaging and giving him something to battle against.

Your job is to provide a healthy, balanced diet for him. It is his job to decide whether to eat it.

You can be sure that you will never, ever win. He decides what goes in his mouth, not you and that will not change.

You need to decide what food will be available to him. Make that available by placing it on the table without comment. Allow him to take what he wants but no more of each thing than you consider appropriate. He doesn't get to fill up on just the thing he likes so, if he likes chips he can have his portion but no more. If he chooses not to take any veg that's up to him.

When the savoury is finished, clear away and then allow him to take whatever you have decided is available for dessert if he wants it. Again he can have a reasonable amount but not fill himself up.

If he is hungry later he can help himself from the fruit bowl or wait until the next meal.

The key is not engaging. You have to be less than interested in whether he eats. Don't talk about the food except to limit his intake of the less healthy options. Don't praise him if he eats or encourage him in any way. Talk about lots of other things and make mealtimes relaxed and sociable.

Meltdowns and refusals to sleep must be ignored. He can always have fruit if he is too hungry to sleep. If he doesn't want the fruit he is not hungry and you are not interested.

He will probably use every trick in the book to get you to engage but, the moment you do, you have lost. Remember that he decides what to eat from what you decide is available to him.

I would take his plate away from him at the end of the meal and save the food, when he tells you he is hungry, warm his food,( providing that is safe, remove rice etc) and put it back in front of him, do this a few times and he will eat. A child will not starve themselves to win you over, they are not stupid!

Happy we've done that but we can't keep reheating it and he makes the traditional noises and fuss when it's presented to him. Tonight this included fake gagging. Yes it was fake!

Then I would take it away and he goes hungry for the rest of the day, he will not let himself starve, that is a fact. Let him gag, my daughter has thrown the plate across the room but after three or four times, she got the message eat this or nothing. Be sure to stick with it though as I said they are far from stupid! And to be fair to your son on a lighter note magne tout is quite foul! Sorry.

Totally agree with posters who say don't let it become a battle. Don't say he has to sit at table until good is finished. That can't end well.

Possibly it's time to educate him on why fruit and veg are good for you. Explain what they can do that no other food does. Explain the 5 a day rule and say he can choose which five a day he wants. Some days for my DC that was three bananas, a pear and a smoothie. Other days it was raw cucumber, carrot, peas and salad. They will even out over time.

Meanwhile, sneak veg into his diet. Blend onion and spinach with egg and mix into burgers; blend courgettes, onions, mushrooms and peppers into pasta sauce or pizza toppings. Make banana and vanilla milkshakes etc. If he likes anything like baked beans or orange juice, include those. Better than nothing, until the fad passes.

Your DS eats more fruit and veg than mine!

He will only eat carrots (cooked only) and the top of a stem of broccoli. Very occasionally cherry tomatoes and raw pepper. Oh, and he will eat cucumber.

Fruit wise he eats apples, grapes, satsumas and that's about it.

I don't make a battle out of it but do insist he tries something new, even if its just a nibble or the equivalent size of a pea

I have food issues from being forced to eat something that really did make me gag. I might have got over my dislike if I'd just been left to it, but I was forced to eat it and clearly plate.

Ds1 has always eaten everything. Ds2 started being a bit fussy last year. After a while I just started putthing the pans and dishes on the table with serving spoons so we all help ourselves. He still pulls a facet whatever there is but will take what he wants, one thing at a time, and eat it.

You say you are making food for your toddler and the you and dp eat. Is the child sitting alone to eat when it's his mealtime?

Totally agree with goldmandra.

I bought this book just before Xmas after I heard the author on the radio. It's really short to read, only about 60 pages. Common sense stuff but I found it very helpful. Lots of taking the emotion out of the whole thing, no praise or encouragement, keep offering stuff they say they don't like etc.