What time should an 8 month old go to bed and how do you stop the breastfeeding to sleep habit.

[sneezecakesmum]

My lovely DD (adult!) has got into the routine of bfing to sleep, co sleeping and letting DGS use her as a dummy several times at night and taking him to bed around 9pm. He's awake at 5.30 am

Firstly I am not an interfering old bag of a mother! I'm all for bfing and co sleeping but DD herself is fed up with the night waking and thinks the all night co sleeping is just encouraging the dummy effect. She would like to get him into his cot, at least for the first half of the night, and at an earlier time.

He has 2 long naps or 3 short ones and is knackered at 6 pm. I've suggested a bf at 6 and putting him straight in his cot, where he will hopefully grizzle for a few minutes and settle. We don't believe in 'cry it out' so please don't go there

Is there a consensus of bed times for 8 months old? And how do you stop the dummying all night? I bfed and co slept with DD but can't remember how I achieved freedom independence at night

You offer no advice whatsoever, It up to your DD find what works for her and DGS.

As far as I recall 8month olds bed time is when they go to sleep

Still bf-ing to sleep here and my baby is nearly two!

Sleep improves as a developmental stage and not through training, in my opinion (though I do know opinions differ on this subject).

He'll probably still bf to sleep, but will sleep through when he's ready.

I know it's hard to watch when your daughter is so tired, but you must let her do it her way.

My DD had a bedtime of about 7ish at 8 months old. Bath at 6pm, wind down and relax till 7pm then bottle and bed. She was usually asleep by 7.30. I have a friend who is breast feeding her DS, she went 'cold turkey' on night feeds and feeding to sleep at around 8months. I think she had a few bad nights but didn't give in and even though her son doesn't sleep through he can be settled without feeding. He goes to bed at 7.30.

Thanks starballbunny. Very helpful please don't give me any further advice.

Can I make it clear? She is asking me for my advice. She is finding her way (which was not a choice as such but just something that worked with a new baby, but is not working now) is leaving her exhausted and she has an older disabled child too.

Thanks becks. To me it sounds about right to put an 8 month old to bed around 7 ish. I'm not sure if she can do the cold turkey as it will involve crying and that wakes the 5 year old up and he needs to sleep for school the following day. It's a bit of a nightmare really . She did just stop the bfing when her 5 year old was 3 thinking he would create, but he wasn't even bothered. Ditto putting him into his own bed instead of co sleeping and he didn't bother just slept! So I think her anxieties are a bit overblown as she is suffering with mild PND at the moment.

I think it's the 5 years of broken sleep which is the main part of the PND. I'm just asking for things that work or stories of similar difficulties and how it worked out.

Any books to recommend?

Hi sneeze I have a 13 month old DS who feeds to sleep and wakes several times in the night for a breastfeed (so maybe not the best person to post...). He has been going to bed between 7 and 8 for several months now (depends on when he woke up from his last nap).

I'm very much going with the flow at the moment and hoping with time sleep will improve, but have been recommended the No-Cry Sleep Solution. I also really like some of the advice in Andrea Grace's sleep solutions. If you search for Andrea Grace on mumsnet there have been several posters with success stories.

Hope your daughter gets some sleep soon!

mine went to bed around 8pm at that age. Neither of mine ever went to bed as early as 7pm.

Many thanks . I'll get the book for Christmas and look to get some more ideas she can try. Tonight he was keeling over with tiredness at 6 so she gave him a big bf and he was almost asleep, put him in the cot and ...bing, wide awake and trying to eat the spy baby camera!

Maybe if he was more familiar with this cot??! It's next to the bed so still near. I hope the book tells her whether to put lots of toys so he plays himself to sleep, or none and he's so bored he falls asleep!

My DS had a toy which fixed on the cot and had dials, knobs and coloured levers etc and he would play with it a 4 am then take himself off back to sleep! He did have a dummy which DGS won't entertain!

This sleeping malarkey is a nightmare!

My DS went to bed at 7pm from the day he came home from hospital , I never breast fed him to sleep - I gave him his final sleep, lay him in his cot and left the room. Strict GF routine. I know that doesn't suit everyone but he always slept well (still does 12 years later ), would wake once in the night for a very quick feed until he was about 8 months and then slept through.

Could you offer to have the 5 year old to stay for a weekend to enable her to try a gentle approach to crying to sleep only if that is what your DD wants to do.

I co-slept with my babies. At 8 months they would fall asleep while breastfeeding on the sofa while I chatted to OH or watched TV. I would carry them upstairs and then go to bed earlyish- 9pm or so as they would feed a couple of times during the night and wake early. (6am)

I found that worked really well. I was never tired as I went to bed early so didn't mind the early start or night feedings. My mother didn't really approve of my techniques,, but that's life!

*looks hopeful...
Dd2 is still bf to sleep at 13 months. Sigh

Make the most of it Queenofthedrivensnow in years to come you will remember those moments as some of the sweetest times of your baby's life.

How about you suggest to your dd that she post here if she genuinely wants advice. Otherwise stop trying to 'solve' her 'problem'.

At 8mo ds still fed to sleep quite often. If he woke at night I'd stick him on the boob, bit of comfort then he was back to sleep. He didn't go to bed til late but then would usually sleep from say midnight to 7am, which suited me. Like I say,if he woke quick bf back off to sleep.

9m everything goes haywire as they have big developmental leap, teething or something. Sometime around then he stopped feeding to sleep and life became difficult. I discovered I'd be best to leave him to whinge and he'd be off in 5-10 mins. If I stayed to comfort him I'd be there 2 hours. From around 10mo he slept 730-730. With occasional relapses.

Tell your dd she's doing a good job & to trust her instincts. She isn't doing anything wrong and there's no point getting too bogged down in addressing non-existent problems when in a few weeks dgs could have changed pattern again.

IME feeding to sleep & being mummy dummy worked beautifully. Your dd needs mumsnet on her phone then she can read & post whilst doing a feed in the middle of the night.

Forgot to say that at 8mo ds went to bed at 7-730 but then was very active, feeding and generally taking up my evening on & off until 10/11pm/midnight.

Sneeze I think if your daughter is coming to you for help and you're trying to find tried and tested solutions from other mums that's lovely and very different from offering 'advice' that hasn't been requested.

I had the same problem and my DD started being awake for hours overnight or just permanently attached to boob so co-sleeping stopped working for us (this was at 7m and she's now 9m). We did a version of the no cry sleep solution. I still feed her just before bed and she often falls asleep on boob but I then put her in her sleeping bag which wakes her a bit, put her in her cot and turn the lights off and sing twinkle twinkle. She wakes up but takes herself back off to sleep thus learning to self settle. The first few nights she cried for up to an hour but I just stayed in there with her rubbing her tummy, shushing her and saying 'mummy's here but it's bedtime'. Now it takes about 10mins. I also made the decision not to feed her before 3am so any wakes before that either me or DH do the same with shushing/patting until she goes back to sleep. After the first week we were down to one waking most nights, 2 some and a couple of sleep throughs. It's made a huge difference to my quality of life and when she wakes at 6am I bring her into bed for an extra hour so still get those lovely snuggly cuddles.

I don't know if this is the right kind of idea for your DD but if it is I hope it helps.

Oh yes and we start bedtime with a bath at 6.30 and then bed around 7-7.15.

I'm on DC3 and each child has been different about bedtime and STTN. I think 8 months is a bit early to night wean, although not everyone would agree and I know how hard it is to balance the schoolrun and a baby so I can understand why she wants things to improve for her. Is she still on ML/a SAHM or does she work? The BFing relationship has to work both for your DD and DGS so if she's not happy she needs to work with her partner to make the nights easier for her.

How are his teeth, half hearted feeding all night is a classic sign of teething? Is she going to bed at the same time as him to try and get as much sleep as possible?

Does your DD have a partner who can do some cuddling at nighttime to give her a bit of a break or to do some night weaning, choose a weekend so the first few nights at least there is no school to get up for? Are you able to help out with the school run so she can sleep during the day when the baby sleeps?

Has she spoken to the doctor about being exhausted and the PND? Is there any chance there could be more to it (I've a friend who has just been diagnosed with a medical problem that was triggered by her pregnancy, her DC is now a year old)? Is she getting treatment for the PND?

Lots of questions but your DD needs to work out what is important for her and then put together a plan to achieve that.

That does not sound abnormal for an 8 month old to me but then again its not the sort of thing that would bother me.

I've seen posters say a room by themselves can help (apparently the first few nights your up and down like a fiddlers elbow) but I don't know if it actually works.

I've never really subscribed to the early bedtime thing because everytime I've tried it say at 7/7:30 then I've ended up with a small child up at 3:30am unable to be reasoned with who then of course fancys a 6 hour sleep by 11am,for some reason when I pop my little chap up at 9:45 ish he sleeps until 6:15 and only has a 1 1/2 hour sleep just after lunch

Msmiggins...are you DD . I approve of all things attachmenty! She does all that but if the little one wakes and faffs about looking for booby, she wakes up and can't get back to sleep (? PMd showing itself). Also the 5 year old wakes crying sometimes and also has bouts of night terrors. He wakes almost every night but her DH settles him again. She used to until babe came along.

DGS could stay with me, but his disability makes it difficult to manage and also it's taken years to get him to sleep in his own bed and, bless him, he goes off without a murmur. Not sure its a good idea to get him out of that habit.

Betty. They do a bedtime routine with both boys, bath etc at just those times. It's the 8m old who won't settle if he's had a late nap, but he's so exhausted at 5.30 he's the whinge monster if he doesn't sleep or will just keel over. DD is very anti crying and is almost pathologically scared of it after her firstborn had a serious birth injury and his crying was unbelievable...just so unsettled for over a year, night and day! She has ADs but not started them yet because of the bfing.

I will get her the no cry book to see if it has some insights. I'm not keen of leaving a baby to cry but I don't think it causes psychological damage provided it's just grizzling. We just need a way to stop it waking up big bro who wakes if a mouse farts at then end of the road!

Dear Zen. Do you have issues with your own mother and will you tell a future DD who asks for your advice on child rearing to go consult the internet?

Still on mat leave til April. Had over a year off!

go consult the internet. Just realised its what I'm doing! Only because what I've suggested is what most people are suggesting here and she has unique problems between the rock and the hard place her 2 gorgeous boys

I can see from all this she needs to have a course of action and just stick to it. Good suggestion about weekends, but even better in the school holidays which are looming. I wonder if white noise from the radio would block out any grizzly noises and keep the older boy asleep. Might be worth a try

Sneezecake, yes I am an AP Mum. Not sure how old your LO is, but from around 10m my babies could find my nipple and feed without waking me much.
It's a myth that we need monophasic sleep to stay fit and healthy- google "monophasic sleep deborah jackson"- author of three in a bed. WE coslept - and tandem fed- for several years and I never felt tired.

Does your DGD use a dummy? My DD didn't breastfeed to sleep, but would never sleep unless it was with me. She used to have a dummy just to go to sleep, if she woke in the night I would feed until she came off and then pop the dummy back in. Once my back was complete agony from co-sleeping and being unable to move my position most of the night (this was despite having a cot that attached to our bed) at about 9 months i decided to try getting her in her own room. I put her cot in the room with a single mattress next to it to start with, but after a week of no success at all of getting her to sleep unless she was cuddled with me I put the cot a away and just used to cuddle her to sleep on the mattress on the floor. If she woke she couldn't hurt herself rolling off and she started sleeping longer on her own. Now at 1 year she is cuddled to sleep (no chatting, just literally 'time to sleep, night, night' and an arm over her until she is asleep) and she mostly sleeps through. The joy being that if she does wake or has a cold it is really easy to just sleep in with her.
I think we are rather brainwashed into thinking we have to have our babies sleep in a cot, when it clearly isn't possible with a baby who has always co-slept to suddenly plop them in on their own. As long as the room is safe, and you have a baby monitor to tell if they have woken up then maybe a mattress on the floor is an option.
Oh, also managed to get rid of the dummy at 10 months when she had a bad cold and simply couldn't breathe with it in, so I just had to cuddle a bit more and do some shushing to get her to sleep.

We did what your dd did. We have 4 DCs and none of them still require bf to sleep. DC4 is 16 months and was bf to sleep tonight because DH is out and it was the fastest way. We lay together on the bed and then once she was fast asleep (15 mins) I lifted her into the cot. Other nights I have rocked her to sleep, or often DH cuddles her to sleep. That started at 10-11 months I think, when she started not always falling asleep on the boob.

I think what your DD is doing is fine. Things will change in their own good time.

On your suggestion, just to say that I doubt most babies parented this way would simply grizzle a bit and then settle. Mine would have screamed the place down if put alone in a cot -one would have made herself sick. My eldest three are all now capable of falling asleep alone, although DC3 (just 4 years) still prefers a well-timed 5 min cuddle. IMO it is normal for young children to need 'parenting' to sleep. It's just a phase, and it does pass

Tbh I think there most helpful thing you can do is really listen, and help her to find her own way through it. Sometimes listening is enough (you know... Ask open questions, summarise what she says back to her, make little mmmm noises so she knows you're listening, and leave lots and lots of spaces for her to talk without jumping in and offering offer opinion or advice). You could also suggest she call one of the breastfeeding helplines (and/or do this yourself), as they are there for bigger babies too, not just newborns. Often times people want a listening ear, not actual advice, even when advice is what they ask for. It's very hard to watch a close relative struggle.

On a practical note, there we some suggestions to consider like, waiting 15-20 mins before trying to transfer a sleeping baby so they are deeply asleep, and/or using a baby sleeping bag, so that their nice warm 'bedding' goes with them rather than being placed in an inevitable cooler cot.

My ds is 11 months but he had the same routine at 8 months.

We co-sleep but I have a cot with one side taken off to give us more space.

Ds has one mammoth nap in the middle of the day)( up to 3 hours) he is always awake before 2pm. I give him dinner at 5, then a bath, pj's and a cuddle with dp then I breastfeed him to sleep. He lies in his cot and I feed him lieing down, when he is asleep ( some time between 5.30 and 6) I take my nipple out of his mouth, if he stirs I put my hand on him or roll him onto his side. I then put a rolled up duvet and pillows to make a wall that ds can't get over ( he can crawl and walk but he has a sleepingbag at night and he can't move so well in that). Some nights ds sleeps through and some nights he wakes for a feed, if he feeds I remove my nipple as soon as he is asleep and pat/roll him over so he doesn't use me as a dummy, sometimes he wakes and we just repeat the feed to sleep remove nipple and roll over routine. Ds wakes up between 5.30 and 7.30.

Good luck to your dd! I think your a fab mum and Grandma seaking advice for her :)