Please slap me for being down about seemingly very unsporty 3.9 year old

[EugenesAxe]

My DS is coming up for four (mid Feb) and I've just got a bit down recently about his lack of ability/enthusiasm for many kinds of sporting activities. I shouldn't because I know children have different strengths and actually in some ways (throwing/ catching, climbing, for example) he's doing well. I'm most worried that I'm going to put him off with my negativity, even though I don't directly say anything, I just think he'll pick up on it when I'm trying to encourage him.

He had a scooter on second birthday and has never taken to it, or really any kind of ride on toy. Third birthday he got a balance bike and again is very uninterested (more because we had to think up gift ideas than because we were hopeful that it would be a huge success). He tries out his scooter a bit more now but it generally consists of him pushing once then stopping because he has not miraculously kept going or reached his destination. I tell him he needs to keep pushing and it will help him to essentially walk faster but he just gives up.

He was very comfortable in the water as a baby and resumed weekly swimming lessons aged around 2.8, but struggled with being on his back and with kicking in general. He went on a daily holiday course recently and he was OK but compared to the other children (one of whom I know has no lessons and has only done two of these holiday courses; same age) he couldn't/wouldn't kick his way across the pool and generally floundered about until the teacher pulled him to the side. Today the new term's swimming classes have come out and he's still in the same class he started in three terms or so ago. I noticed his best friend (a girl, one month his junior) has started with the same company and gone straight into an improver class. I hate people that compare and I'm doing it! I think I've just gone so long saying 'he'll get it eventually/ let him set the pace' that I've just got bored of being patient and had a mega-wobble.

His intellectual development is fine; but he has always been a bit 'if I'm not a natural I won't put the effort in' about all activities. I don't know if in the case of the physical things this is the same kind of laziness or something to worry about. He does have mild glue ear but I know children with the condition that fly along on their scooters, so I'm not sure if that will affect him particularly.

I guess I'd like to hear from people with similar experiences and to be given a talking to about my crapness in being slightly disappointed.

My son is 4 this month. He will only ride his scooter, no swimming or bike riding for him. His co-ordination he got off me, neither of us can catch

I wouldn't worry about it. He may change.

My 6yo isn't sporty at all - hates team games, can't/won't ride a bike or scooter, can only just swim a width now after a year of lessons.

He is however brilliant at reading, writing, drawing comics, making up imaginary worlds and talking the hind legs off a donkey

I really wouldn't worry about it, as long as he is running about and keeping active generally!

He's 3! Just accept him & enjoy him for who he is rather than judgeing him for what he isn't. My dd is the same age & it's much too early to start categorising them. They're not much more than babies, really - their worlds are still unfurling.

Yes thanks Meg and Roxanne - he is definitely more intellectual than sporty - and the most important thing is that he does enjoy all these activities, one general sports class in particular. I mustn't let my wobble spoil that!

When my DS was 3 he was such a little princess didn't like being rough or getting dirty or any sport. He's 14 now and loves weight training and he's getting quite musclely. Your son is his own person and will not match up to other kids and if you try and force him it will all just backfire on you. And he is only 3 ffs.

You need to get a grip calling him unsporty because he doesn't like scooting. And he certainly won't enjoy activities if you are at the side wringing your hands that he's crap at it.

Let him be three instead of some kind of Olympian in training.

I'd really need to write two separate posts under different usernames because I have two points to make which are partly contradictory.

Here is cory1: He is only little, children develop at different rates and he probably doesn't have the emotional maturity to understand e.g. the joy of team sports or the pleasures swimming can give him later in life. Many boys are late in developing coordination, so a lot of things don't come together until junior school. He still has so much time.

And cory2 points out: It may be that he never gets it and then you will have to find a way of living with that and being proud of who he is. I was worried because my dd never seemed to enjoy the great outdoors which was so important to me. Eventually I realised that she did actually have a disability which impacted on her ability to enjoy things that were cold and wet and strenuous. I've got over the disappointment, dd has found a different activity (physical theatre) which enables her to do enough exercise to keep healthy and I just know that if I want to go out there roaming the hills I have to find different company. It's not the end of the world, we have enough common ground.

I have two kids who are both not v sporty or outdoorsy. The latter especially drives me mad and worries me slightly as they are currently young enough that they don't get a choice at the moment but when I hear friends talking about how their kids love to be out and are enjoying running, football etc I do get concerned.
Thankfully they do love to swim and can both ride a bike although they were quite late to learn (8&5).
They are both very bright, love to read, talk play games and above all else love to play minecraft.
I recently realised that neither of my brothers play any sport or ever did that I can recall, and my dh is unsporty too so maybe it's genetic and not something I can change though I do encourage them as much as possible.

hes 4! HTH

I think you are expecting way too much too soon. I would describe my 6 yo DS as sporty. He loves football, and would play it all day every day given the chance. However, he has used his scooter about twice in the year he's had it, and he only learned to ride his bike last summer. He was also doing swimming for years, before he made any progress. I gave up on lessons in the end, and he just goes as and when for a splash about. He can just about manage doggy paddle, but that's it.

I would make sure your DS has the opportunity to try as many different activities as he can over the next few years, and he will almost certainly find something he enjoys, and is good at, although it may be something more creative, or academic, rather than sport. To be honest though, I wouldn't even be worrying about that for now, he is still so young. He has only just learned to walk, talk, and run etc.

Yes - thanks for those giving me a slap in a particularly aggressive and judgemental way. I don't wring my hands - I smile and give him thumbs up and tell him I'm proud he's done such and such. I've just had quite a long time trying to be really happy and enthusiastic about a couple of activities he's made minimal progress in and now I'm a bit weary.

I know he is only little but compared to many parents of 'only three year olds' I know, I am pretty laid back about development. Our local private pre-school for children aged just three has them practising letters and writing their names. Neither of mine go to it, but the fact they do it tells you something about what the parents expect.

And I am proud of him; it's because I know what he can do in other areas that I'm a little concerned about his progress in these respects.

Hee hee! We bought expensive balance bike but after 6 months lying around the house unloved DP threatened to give it away. Oddly our child (3YO) then began to use it in the house the next day and asked us to take it to park! Having it where they can get to it and hop on by themselves is key as they need daily practice a few minutes a day at first, pushing it round for a while then eventually getting on etc to gain confidence, even if this means use in the house. Seeing other kids enjoying it is almost certainly helpful too though - its hard to show them how to use a a balance bike yourself, as adults cant sit on the tiny bike to do a demo, but if they see other kids enjoying themselves on one they want to try it and soon get a the hang of it once they start. We are lucky that loads of kids at our local park use them so every time she saw another child on one she'd ask to use hers. We carry it round and give to her when she wants. She still pesters for a pink/red one (hers is grey, not child friendly fun colour) but the fact she now enjoys it so much means she soon forgets about the colour and rides it happily for up to 30 minutes at a time now, after a couple of months use.

One thing I've realised is that it is dangerous to get the concept of sport and the concept of healthy living so closely mixed up that you believe you can't have the one without the other. Plenty of people are bored stiff by sports- I'm one of them. But you can still have a healthy life full of exercise.

My mother has never practised any sport in her life and used to wangle her way out of PE lessons leaning on some supposed heart condition. She is a remarkably tough 81 yo, way fitter than most of her contemporaries. Her secret: she walks everywhere lugging heavy shopping home in a shopping trolley, when she cleans the house she doesn't just flick a duster around and squirt MrMuscle on the spots- she hauls 20 book cases from the wall and scrubs the floor under them, she never sits down, she goes for walks in the woods. None of it costs a penny.

I used to truant from PE lessons too. But I walked 1 1/2 mile to school in the morning, 1 1/2 mile back in the afternon and often went home for lunch, and spent weekends out walking or on my bike.

Why don't you just go for interesting walks? These can be combined with looking for things. (Fungi etc) Or games of hide-and-seek. That why the children are fit and active, and develop some kind of relationship with the natural world.

Too often sport seems to be some kind of item on a joyless middle-class/aspirational parenting checklist.

BTW, no one i know has a child who could actually swim lengths by themselves before school age. Despite years of expensive lessons. We tried v expensive water baby sessions in warm hydrotherapy pool from 3 months old, but ours hated it, really really hated it, so we stopped after the initial 100 quid course of ten sessions. However everyone I have asked says no child swims anyway till around school age so I really don't worry about it. She can start trying again when she is old enough to actually swim rather than just splash in the water and see if she actually enjoys it more then, once she is physically capable of doing it! I suspect that some kids (and adults) don't enjoy doing things they find hard and get more enjoyment from doing things that come more naturally so maybe just leave it and try again when he is older, They don't often have the skills, coordination and strength or lung power to do it till they are school size/age.

FrauMoose - we do; lots - have been for two fungi walks as it happens and go on many others in our local area. Likewise go to soft play, playgrounds etc.

He is not inactive or unhealthy by any means; I'm talking about 'getting' some sports that require a particular kind of coordination.

Please don't worry OP.

I have a DD who doesn't even really like softplay. Won't go on the 'bigger stuff' even though she is now big enough to do it, she just doesn't like getting jostled about by the bigger children. She doesn't have a bike, isn't bothered about any of that and only learnt to peddle in the last 6 months (on a ride-on tractor). Most of this remains still true...

However...

She started in Reception in September and her favourite day of the week is Thursday when they do PE!!!!! Clearly she isn't my DC because I detested PE and still detest anything even slightly physical now!! I am incredibly unfit and I know it but I hate exercise.

But she loves it!!! She didn't walk until 18 months and so is behind on all physical things (hopping on one leg, jumping etc). She can do them all but others have been doing them for longer, if you see what I mean so are more confident.

But she absolutely loves PE. Loves running and jumping in the hoops and running races. I never ever thought I'd see it. She isn't bothered (yet) that she's slower than the others, she just loves doing it.

So give it time, your DS may well surprise you when he gets to Reception and does PE with all the others.

Thanks gourd - yeah that's DS alright. It's me too to some extent, which is even more reason to not worry. I always said the only thing I forced myself to be really good at when it didn't come naturally, was Llamatron.

I'm not talking about him swimming without armbands by the way; I mean get across the pool with them by kicking and doing a bit of dog paddle. I've seen many children do that before school age.

Isn't it just enough to have a bright healthy child who is nearly four? How much of this sort of anxiety is about the child himself? How much about a parental anxiety/desire to possess the perfect product?

Sorry if this sounds unhelpful. It just seems to me that these are questions that are worth asking. (I ask them of myself from time to time.)

There are plus sides to not having a toddler who thinks he is a cross between Bear Grylls and Chris Boardman too y'know... !

Eugene I have a DS of the same age and so I have to say chill out and really really stop comparing him to others. I did this with my oldest DS and it is totally pointless. DS1 is now in yr3 and I have finally realised that he is a very happy, normal and middle of the road kind of child. He doesn't excel in anything but is a good all rounder. You will waste such a lot of time and energy by worrying in this way, I know I did!

Also agree that there is no worse thing you can do than making an activity a chore. It should only ever be fun, there should be a treat involved on a cold wet day if you do go out in the elements. Dont expect them to cycle or as much as usual in the rain though, it's hard work. I cycle but try to avoid riding in wet weather as much as possible. It increases my bike maintenance/cleaning and I haven't time, you can see anything in the rain, no-one can see you and rim brakes dont work well in the wet plus rain on my prescription wrap arounds means I cant see anything but if I take them off I cant see anything without them either so it feels rather dangerous! If i do get caught in the rain I stop for a cake on a wet ride otherwise it's not worth going out. This is quite apart from the discomfort of road gravel from the wet road rubbing in your shorts, or the discomfort that small children will endure at the park riding a bike in ill fitting, sweaty, water proof trousers!! If you must go out in the rain make sure there's a treat involved. Or, do soft play, make a tent in your living room, make up a play, dance and sing songs at home but dont force them to do outdoors activities, otherwise they will only dislike the idea even more. Suggest getting together with friends with kids to make it more fun, or doing a community walk or using a local group that organises activities in parks for kids and youth which makes it more social and less of a chore..

Do you do much sporting stuff yourself? I imagine he will learn from watching you, even if it takes a while.

I sort of have a similar concern, although my DS is much too small for it to be a worry yet. Neither DH nor I have ever really done any sports (my parents in particular actively discouraged it) and we were both teased about it at school. We're keen for DS not to ends up the same way but I do feel that we'll have to show more appreciation for physical exercise ourselves if we want DS to grow to love it.

DD (same age) isn't 'sporty', because we haven't done any sports with her, but no-one would ever call her anything but very active, confident in the playground, good balance, on the high up rope bridges for the older kids, that kind of thing.

I think it's very young to expect a child to 'get' sports; in fact, that would never have occurred to me. If he's not inactive, I'm not sure what the problem is.