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Original poster

Dd almost 4 masturbating at night!

30 replies

giggly · 27/09/2013 18:05

Help, my dd who is almost 4 has been masturbating with her teddy for about 6 months now at night and during the night if she wakes.

We thought it would be a short lived thing but it appears in her own words "it's nice I like it" and doesn't want to stop,well can't argue with that.

Unfortunately her vagina has become sore as she is still in nappies at night and the friction is making it tender, sorry if tmi.

It was seen as a bit of a joke with her ds and us but she,s not for stopping, I tell her every night not to do it but with little success, I am hoping she will grow out of it, anyone any advice please.

OP posts:
Locketjuice · 27/09/2013 19:35

I don't think 'masturbating' is the right word tbh
To me its not much different to little boys (including mine) being obsessed with their Willys! Constantly touching, poking, pulling!

If you are worried take her to the doctor and they could possibly have a word about the damage (sore redness etc) other than that I really think its just something she will grow out of as horrible as it seems its obviously being 4 nothing sexual so I would stress to much

Locketjuice · 27/09/2013 19:37

Hopefully someone else will help more as I don't know much about it especially girls as mines only 6 weeks. Although I do remember my nieces always having their hands down their knickers 'fiddling'

peggyundercrackers · 27/09/2013 19:59

sorry I cant comment on what you can do to help but its quite normal. one of my friends remembers she used to rub herself on the carpet whilst sitting because it felt good but she didn't really understand why- she thinks she was about 4 or 5 when she used to do this but she did grow out of it.

ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee · 27/09/2013 20:04

It's perfectly normal - it feels nice. I wouldn't call it masturbation though, it's not sexual at her age. To her it's no different than it feeling nice when someone rubs your back or strokes your arm.

Could you try to get her out of nappies instead?

Original poster
giggly · 28/09/2013 15:34

Thanks, you are right it's not masturbating just could,nt think of another way of describing it, I know it's not sexual just that its been going on for around a year.

Think I was looking for reassurance as her sister did,nt do this.
She is only in nappies at night.

OP posts:
TondelayoSchwarzkopf · 28/09/2013 15:38

It's normal. If you want reassurance Penelope Leach has a bit on it her "Baby & Child Book"

Just make sure she knows it's a private act and don't make her feel bad for doing it.

valiumredhead · 28/09/2013 15:42

Completely normal. I'd just tell her to be careful if she's making herself sore.

sparkleshine · 28/09/2013 19:37

My DS, nearly 4, has been what he calls 'pumping' for over a year. He lies on his front with his hands underneath him and wriggles about, not actually touching himself and with clothes on but he does it in bed, on the settee or carpet. Sometimes it's until he's told to stop or he gets fed up and is hot and sweating. Totally normal if it's in private.

Farala · 28/09/2013 22:44

Thanks we have exactly the same 'problem'. Someone suggested distraction and I think it's a good idea. That and trying not to show too much attention, I guess...

ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee · 28/09/2013 22:50

giggly - Is there any reason you can't get her out of nappies at night though? The warm humid condition wont be helping her 'sore bits'.

PilgrimSoul · 28/09/2013 22:50

My DD used to do this, I remember researching it at the time and it was perfectly normal. She grew out of it after about a year.

adoptmama · 29/09/2013 13:05

As others have said, it is perfectly normal.

You might want to give the teddy bear a wash though! Wink

Notonaschoolnight · 29/09/2013 13:20

My dd first did it at 11 months old lying on her stomach we thought she was having a fit and took her to hospital, how the staff must have laughed when we left, then it was against the car seat belt and now on the corner of a chair, gone on a good 7 years even had the school call me twice in the last few years. I hate that she does it but try not to be horrible just instil upon her that her bedroom is the only acceptable place but preferably don't do it at all

nocarsgo · 29/09/2013 14:02

I would be wary about saying "Don't do it". I mean, of course you don't want them to do it, but it sends the message that what they're doing is wrong/dirty. I discovered masturbation at a similarly young age and my parents handled it badly. Left me with lifelong sexual hang ups.

I'm dreading my DD doing the same because I genuinely don't know what's the best course of action.

valiumredhead · 29/09/2013 14:07

Nothing wrong with saying don't do that here, that's a private thing.

valiumredhead · 29/09/2013 14:33

In the same way you'd tell a child not to pick their noise at the dining table.

nocarsgo · 29/09/2013 15:14

I didn't mean that, I meant saying not to do it AT ALL, because they won't stop Grin It feels good and they're entirely innocent to the sexual/taboo nature of what they're doing.

valiumredhead · 29/09/2013 15:26

Oh gosh, you're right about not saying don't do it at all yes of course you are.

tehtoby900 · 29/09/2013 20:01

The problem is that she's 4 - she has no idea that what she's doing is sexual. Let her do it, as it's not wrong in anyway to play with yourself, however teach her to do it in private.

nooka · 29/09/2013 20:10

If the OP's dd is only rubbing herself at night then she's perhaps already 'got' the privacy thing, so it's really the soreness with her nappy that's the problem. Not sure if there are special needs perhaps, but almost four seems a bit on the older side for nappies to me? I should add that my two are teenagers now, so it's a long way back! My dd was a champion fiddler at that sort of age, but did seem to grow out of it.

valiumredhead · 30/09/2013 00:49

If she still needs a nappy then she needs a nappy, you can't train at night. I'd be inclined to try pull ups which are a bit looser though.

ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee · 30/09/2013 00:56

Valium - you are partly right, you can't train 'at night' but you can train early morning. It is not uncommon for children to still be in nappies when they don't need to be, simply because they don't think to or aren't encouraged/allowed to go to the toilet when they wake up. They aren't actually wetting through the night. It is easy to set an alarm for before they wake up, check their nappies for dryness for a few days to see if it's night time wetting or morning wetting.

AlfalfaMum · 30/09/2013 00:59

As long as she's only doing it in the privacy of her own bedroom don't even mention it. Don't make jokes about it, or allow her sister to. don't say anything that might cause embarrassment or feelngs of shame.
Do use some nappy cream at night, Weleda is good.

AlfalfaMum · 30/09/2013 01:02

Lots of almost four year olds are still in nappies at night. It's not at all unusual.

ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee · 30/09/2013 01:05

'Lots' of 4 year olds are not in nappies at night. 'Some' 4 year olds are in nappies at night and it's fine, if they need them, but often it is missed that they are in fact dry at night because they aren't going to the toilet when they could, when they wake up. You need to make regular checks and offer incentives. The sooner this little one is out of nappies the better, she is getting sore and a nappy wont be helping.