What do you do when your child seems to an unhappy, frustrated and difficult to please child?

[Mandymoo]

DD is 3.6yrs and is beginning to drive me up the wall. No matter what i do for her, it never seems to be enough. I took her to the local soft play barn this week and made it a real day out for her but she still found things to moan and whinge about. I'm getting to the point where i think "Why do i bother" - i KNOW she's 3 and this is what they're like but dd is sooooooo difficult to please and seems so unhappy. She doesnt particarly like playing with other children, doesnt go off on her own at groups (sticks to me like glue), doesnt even say "hello" to her granny and just generally seems to be an unhappy child. Any advice?

I know this won't really help but IME with my own children and those of friends, they do grow out of it. It's as if they're just not happy in their own skin at this age, they're cranky, hard to please and don't really know yet what they like and don't like. The little girl of a friend of mine was very like your DD between 3 and 4.5 - after this, she calmed down completely and is now the most gorgeous 10 year old you could possibly imagine! So there is hope

englandflag - thanks for your reply. I love her to bits but her attitude and frustrating behavious is getting me down. She has also started hitting me and yesterday, after i told her off, she actually ran towards me shouting at me before hitting me. This was not the way i though she would be

Dont try so hard to please and you will feel less annoyed with her unhappyness at your efforts. My dd was the same and is now 8 and shes lovely.
What DOES make her happy?

ds2 has suddenly started doing this- having always been a very easy child. Now he argues and moans about everything. I've taken to refusing to argue with him, just dictate, and try to give him some time alone each day. I think his case may be to do with being in the middle of 2 brothers who need a lot of attention. He started when ds3 started walking, and I've noticed is particularly bad a mealtimes (a time when both brothers need a lot of attention). I think a lot of it is an age thing though, he's ready for school. Has anything changed for your dd?

more sleep?

errrrrrrrrrrrr mandymoo have you not just had a baby....

oh- well there you go then!

Enid - helllllooooo!! yeah, i have a 7 week old. Didnt mention it cos dd has been like this for the last 18 months or so and it hasnt gotten any worse since ds was born. X

mousie - she is complaining that she's tired all the time so i'm trying not to have too much planned each day as she has pre-school every morning. She doesnt have a day nap anymore - goes to bed at 7pm and sleeps through til 8am.

It is just a phase...

try try try to ignore it (except dangerous/aggressive behaviour)

strangely dd2 (also 3.6) has been MORE compliant and gorge than usual since the birth of dd3, but dd1 is being vile.......sigh

it sounds like attention seeking

can you brush it off with cheery 'oh well never mind' (which I do constantly and must drive them demented)

i am finding the three-year-old MUCH harder than when she was two-years-old. you're not alone there.

there's the whinging, interspersed w/tantrums and demands.

MIL bought her a tshirt that reads 'I want I want I want I want' in different lettering all across it. Yep, that about sums it up.

My mum found her a thsirt that has a little stick figure w/horns holding a Scottish flag w/the caption, 'I'm a wee devil'.

Yes.

Thing is though, dd can be scowling, screaming and shouting one second and then if i just laugh at her or ignore her or she dissolves into smiles and just moves on. I just find it difficult to cope with in my own mind - keep worrying she's going to turn into some axe-weilding psycho when she's a teenager!

ah well there you go you have found the solution

I know it takes huge reserves of patience to carry it through all the time (blushes as remembers huge shout-fest in car yesterday afternoon)

Sounds like she is geting enough sleep at night then. Does she watch TV much? My dd is less tired & grouchy if she has watched less TV [wink}

Does she enjoy preschool? Does she talk about it much?

dd1 is like that, too, mandy. one minute all stroppy, the next all cuddles and kisses.

Mousie - i keep trying to get dd to watch telly so i can get some peace but she keeps switching it off!!!! - she is very into her imaginative games atm and tbh is very good at keeping herself occupied at home.

She does enjoy pre-school but trying to get any info out of her isnt easy! She doesnt join in much (according to staff) but she does as she is told and is a generally well behaved girl there.

mandymoo, she sounds rather like my dd who's 3.8. I haven't had another child so that's no reason for her behaviour to change. She just seems to have become more difficult, massively so, since about 3.5. but prior to that she did lots of things you're describing like never leaving my side at toddler groups, never being interested in other kids, crying at the drop of a hat. She's also now at pre-school in the mornings and is also well-behaved there but is socially quite clumsy.

It's strange to me because I find her very bright - she speaks very very well, does amazing drawings and is hilarious when she wants to be and tremendously perceptive. But when I see her around other girls at pre-school I realise that she's really very different to them. They're all very into competitive discussions, they seek out each other's company and seem to really 'chat' to each other. Dd's like a little strange creature in her own world. I worry for her all the time, that she'll be picked on or seem 'weird.' It makes me very sad.

Hmmm. That's got me worried, imaginary, b/c dd1 definitely seeks out 'conversation' and play - but with boys rather than girls. She doesn't seem at all interested in playing with girls, although her fav toys are things like dolls, her kitchen, etc.

Mandymoo, I am working through the list of reasons I can think of!!!

Next comes "is she worse when hungry?"

And do you know what causes her frustration - are there consistent triggers for it?

Can you ask her what things make her feel unhappy?

expat I seriously wouldn't worry. My ds went to the birthday party of a little girl from preschool today, and the majority of the kids invited were boys! lol.

Imaginaryfriend - our DDs sound quite similar. I also feel that dd isnt like other girls - whereas they chat, giggle and play together, DD is quite happy to be on the outside looking in. That's fine, if she's happy. I just worry because i'm her mummy and that's my job i guess!

Mousie - her frustrations come from not getting her own way! Also, she's extremely sensitive and things have to be just so or she'll throw a wobbly. For example, yesterday she thought she's got a spot of water on her dress and subsequently all hell broke loose!!

I can make light of it on here, but at the time i feel very frustrated myself as i don't know how to help her.

My dd doesn't play with boys or girls particularly. She has one friend she's attached to, the dd of a friend, but even with her she's not that bothered. She does, however, thrive on adult attention and will chat, flirt, and show off all her latest 'tricks' to any willing adult viewer!

We went to a birthdy party today and she milled around a bit but never far from me and she didn't say a word to any of the kids there the whole time. She didn't even particularly watch them. I do wonder what I'm doing wrong sometimes ... We live in a high-rise flat in central London and it must seem very isolated, I mean being cut off from human life (apart from me and most of the time I'm barely human) might be what she's used to. We don't have family nearby either.