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Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Behaviour/development

omg dd just simulated bj on a banana - she is 6

71 replies

pecka · 21/06/2006 20:04

DD is eating a banana. She just said to me mam this feels like im sucking a willy. I turned round and lo and behold she is doing a very BJ like action on this banana.

WTF?

Do I worry?

How does she know that willies get sucked?

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SleepyJess · 22/06/2006 08:34

seriousness. Perhaps I am wrong. I just don't know. If it was my child I might feel totally different. I am not given to calm responses actually.

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pecka · 22/06/2006 08:36

gggglimpo, yes, it occured to me last night that I could appear very troll like with the subject of my posts very recently unfortunately Im not making it up.

Im not sure what to say to her with regards to what she saw or how to make sure she doesnt repeat it

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ggglimpopo · 22/06/2006 08:43

Message withdrawn

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RudiRedNose · 22/06/2006 08:43

Good idea custardo. Pecka, you could do it quite low key. I am sure that a local bobby would be prepared to pop round to this girl's home and explain that doing this kind of thing is child abuse and that she could be held criminally responsible. No accusations would need to be thrown around but it would wake her up a bit.
Whatever you decide to do has to be what works for you and dd. I hope you can find a satisfactory outcome for tha pair of you. Thinking of you today. xxxxxxxx

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SleepyJess · 22/06/2006 08:48

Wouldn't that cause one hell of a family argument with the potential for very stressful repercussions though?

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RudiRedNose · 22/06/2006 09:01

If she mentions it again, you could tell dd that her cousin showed her things that children should not have to see. That it wasn't dd's fault for looking but that it is not fair for children to see or hear about this kind of thing because it might confuse or upset them. I think it's important that she knows that if she wants to talk about it then she should talk to you. I'm not an expert but the NSPCC could probably give you some good advice and support.

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maddiebean · 22/06/2006 09:10

Good grief, when I saw the title of this thread yesterday I thought it was a joke one, it's unbelievable. Pecka I think you need to speak to the cousin's parents again, stress that if you are not sure where dd saw this then you are seriously going to have to worry about abuse somewhere else and may need to go to the police. Sounds like they need a shock as much as the 13yr old. Can they take the phone off the 13yr old and check what was on it? Also if it isn't there anymore could they check with the phone company (along the lines of threatening them with allowing pornographic images to be received by a minor.... I know it's not the phone co.s fault but it might make them check the phone's records for your bil)

Hope all that made sense. It still horrifys me that a 6yr old could end up seeing something like this even though they clearly have a loving and conscientious mother. I know we can't wrap them up in cotton wool but it doesn't stop me wanting to!

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RudiRedNose · 22/06/2006 09:13

Jess, perhaps it could. But if you are not actually accusing her, just pointing out the seriousness of this type of situation if it were true, I think she would take the word of a police officer more seriously than that of her parents especially if she realises that this kind of thing is not just nasty, it's illegal.
If I thought my child had done something like this to a little one this is the kind of thing I would do. You may not agree, but from the posts I have seen, the parents of the cousin don't seem to accept the possibility that their child could have been involved in any wrong-doing. I think I would speak to them and tell them what I was thinking of doing. If they then assured me that they would talk to her themselves then perhaps I could back off.

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wannaBe1974 · 22/06/2006 11:59

At the risk of being shot down here, but ... is it illegal? Because I'm not so sure that it is. Yes it's highly distasteful, and if I found out my 6-year-old had seen these images on someone else's mobile phone I would go absolutely belistic, but is there a law that actually says that children aren't allow to view such images? Even if there is, the 13-year-old is also considered a minor, and therefore wouldn't necessarily be subject to any legal action as she herself would have been given the images "illegally".

I don't think the police would do anything tbh, but I would certainly go mad at the parents and want to know why such an irresponsible child is allowed to have a mobile phone.

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maddiebean · 22/06/2006 12:14

wannabe1974 I don't know for sure(Cod, do you?) but I would have thought showing pornographic images to a minor would be illegal (along the lines of showing an 18 rated film would be) Bearing in mind that the 13 yr old is also a minor the police couldn't 'do' anything but a word in the ear might just give enough of a fright to everyone.
Obviously my children are very young but I'm also not sure (please excuse naivety) why a 13yr old needs a mobile phone?

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Tortington · 22/06/2006 12:24

culpable at 10 you know

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Tortington · 22/06/2006 12:26

no the police wont do anything of course they wont - may be a strict telling off - howeer i think a polceman or two a police car out side teh house and the whole situation would reinforce the severity of the action.

the parents should at least have the decency to be mortified.

THATS the reason to call the police - you dont want a 13 year old locked up ffs.

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maddiebean · 22/06/2006 12:45

Agreed Custardo. Am almost as shocked by parents trying to pass blame onto 6yr old as the incident in the first place. They need a kick up the backside!

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pecka · 22/06/2006 14:44

Well, the situation is a bit clearer, slightly more understandable but a little bit more erm, weird.

It turns out that the porn was on the Granda's phone. (ex's father). He has the same mobile phone as cousin and she picked it up thinking it was hers. She then flicked through it found the offending files and then shared them with my DD.

Relief is to be found in that the 13 year didnt have the porn herself but the fact my DD saw it and 13 yr old showed her it remains.

I feel acutely embarassed for the Granda. He is a very, very nice man if not a bit of a very old "jack the lad". I can just imagine him being in the pub (he lives a culture of sitting in the "club" most afternoons) and one of the lads he is with sending this file.

Im cross that his mobile with offensive material was left accessible to the children but I dont think that he would ever of realised the implications of having it and will be very mortified about all this.

Cousin was hysterical apparently and denying it but then after some words confessed to this story. It all seems to tie in so I think that this is the truth.

I still feel flummoxed as to exactly what and how much to say to DD.

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lou33 · 22/06/2006 16:12

well the 13 yr old was wrong to show your dd, but the real story is much less worrying at least

i wouldnt say anything to your dd now unless she brings it up and/or it is troubling her in some way, she will forget all about it quicker than you in all probability.