How much do you get out-and-about with your 8mo? HV has made me feel like I am getting it all wrong :(

[BotBotticelli]

DS1 has always been a spirited/challenging baby. Things are a bit easier now than when he was a newborn (colicky screaming for 3 months, early teething straight afterwards) but I still find him incredibly hard work.

But we still have lots of frustrated screaming as he painfully drags progresses himself towards each new developmental milestone. He was a nightmare in the few weeks leading up to being able to sit up, and now i am having the same thing again as he really wants to crawl but can't quite do it.

He also seems to get very bored, very quickly in our house we live in a small flat where the living space is all one room (lounge/diner/kitchen). And he doesn't really seem able to 'play' with a toy for longer than about 4-5 minutes yet without getting bored and crying again.

So I make a habit of getting out the house at least twice a day, once in the morning (to a babygroup or to see a friend for example), and once in the afternoon (to the shops, or swings, or to visit relatives). I usually make sure I am at home for lunch cos he has a nice long nap afterwards (90 mins) where I get to sit down and chill out which is much needed!

Anyway, I mentioned this in a more general moan to the HV about how difficult I was finding it to entertain DS, and she made me feel like I am making a rod for my own back by pandering to his need for stimulation by taking him out all the time :( She was concerned that i wasn't getting housework done etc cos he is so demanding (me and DH share the chores at the weekend and during the week the flat just gets untidy). She seemed to think I would be better off giving him some toys to play with whilst I cracked on with things, and that I needed to make DS fit more into our family life, rather than planning our days around him, iyswim?

But he doesn't seem to want to really play with toys yet. He can;t even hit a saucepan with a spoon :( Just eats the spoon! is teething as well which doesn't help things.

Anyway, sorry for the rant. I guess my question is aimed at mums of similarly spirited/stimulation-hungry babies: am I doing the wrong thing by following my gut and getting out the house loads with him? Will this ever get easier?? once he can crawl, will he be happier to spend a morning crawling around the flat???

I agree with other posters and suspect your HV may have been trying to be nice but possibly chose the wrong suggestion for what you can do with spare time

FWIW I am very impressed you manage to go out twice a day, I aim to go out once a day with my 7.5 month old but I find that challenging - breakfast and lunch mealtimes including the cleanup/sometimes a bath take easily and hour a pop sometimes more before you even start on getting me looking vaguely presentable and wearing real clothes with a bra and the baby dressed in something other than nappy and a t shirt (we have a lot of vomit in this house at the moment).

Sounds like you are doing an excellent job.

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My boy is one whose quite happy playing by himself if I'm nearby. If I sit with him he always crawls off. (I still do try!!!!) but he's a bit of a destruction ball and climbs absolutely everything (he's 1) so I take him out as much as I can.

Our housework never gets done but on the bright side we don't make any mess while we're out :D

I don't drive so he's often out with me from morning till late if we are up to anything as would be silly to go back home to come back out.

Thanks again all - really nice to hear the experiences of other people who've had DCs like this. It was always my gut instinct that he just came into the world like this!! - he is quite different from the more chilled out babies that many of my friends seem to have had! He would never just gurgle happily on his playmat/in bouncer even when he was 2-3 months old

pictish thank you for your post, I take your point, i think she was trying to encourage me to slow down a bit if I want, and I agree that I need to learn to chill out a bit. I do need to be more relaxed about leaving DS to get on with it if I need to wipe down the kitchen etc etc. I am gonna try to be more relaxed about these things.

SanityClause - interesting post! Funnily enough, the HV was calling up on a courtesy call to see how I was getting on as I had struggled with PND for the first few months of DS's life (he was a difficult newborn, we had all sorts of problems feeding, terrible sleeper, colic, and motherhood just generally hit my like a nuclear bomb going off...!). On her referral I had some great CBT counselling and have recently been discharged from the counsellor and feel like I am doing much better. But there's definitely a chance there is still a hint of the 'wild eyed and desperate' about me

But I do spend some time wondering at the moment how much I am finding motherhood hard because of the PND, and how much of it is because of outside factors (living in small flat, no garden, very demanding, stimulation-hungry baby etc etc). I guess it is a combination of the two but I have found this thread very reassuring. It is nice to know that lots of other mums have had babies who've needed similar amounts of stimulation and daily outings - and not all of them have had PND, i guess, so it can't be that :)

Agree with wanly basket suggestion. I also sacrificed a kitchen cupboard where I put non breakable stuff that ds could pull out whilst I was mumsnetting cooking. It gave me long enough to chop some stuff/chuck in pot check out aibu

Wnaky, not wanly. Bloody fat fingers.

It should never be underestimated the effectiveness of a walk.in the fresh air so stick at getting out and about regularly.

I have to say, I did give dd plenty of 'entertain yourself' time before she was one. First on her playmat, then just on a blanket surrounded bg interesting things for her to look at / chew. HV wouldnt be too happy with me thoigh as I never used this time for housework!! I wpuld brew up and MN or read a chapter of my book.or just sit and gaze at DD

You sound like you are doing a great job!

It's really hard living in a small flat with no garden with a child, especially once they start walking. We moved to a house when DS was a toddler and the difference was huge - I could sit at the kitchen table with a cuppa and watch him wander round the garden looking for snails or playing in his sandpit. We often have a day a week now where we don't go out!

My DS is now 19 months and was always really really hard work. Cried every few muinutes and was never satisfied. He's still tricky now but more whinging than screaming. I HAVE to get out with him. Staying in the house is torture for both of us. It sounds like you're doing so well. Ignore anyone who doesn't or hasn't had a baby like this who somehow tries to make you feel like it's your fault your DS is hard work. I didn't make any rods, I just deal with the situation presented to me. Nothing you're doing wrong. Chin up. It'll definitely get easier. x

With DS1, living in small flat, we went out once a day as a minimum, not least to reduce the amount of tidying up that would be created!

Fast forward to DS2 who by 8mo was on the school run twice a day plus a group or coffee morning at least three times a week.

If you're happy, ignore HV.

I assumed from your thread title you hardly ever went out, and I would say that's rarely good, but you're totally normal!

Don't listen!!! I think it sounds like your attitude is far more healthy and beneficial to you both than what the health visitor is suggesting! I have had similar experiences with my 9 month old and I make a point of going out every day. Apart from anything else a bit of fresh air and socialising helps you not to go mad, and gives youths energy to cope with the testing times when your at home. As long as your baby gets plenty of opportunity to practice reaching those milestones at baby groups soft play etc where they can be free on floor then what's the gram in letting the dust build up?!?!
Health visitors I have found have a habit of not really thinking about the way that they phrase their advice. If anything like me you don't ask for help or advice from then unless feeling at wits end and they have a tendency to make you go away feeling like you are doing something wrong!
Stick to advice of friends and forums is what I say!
Good luck

DS was exactly the same and my day was the same as yours as it was what got us both through the day with some measure of sanity. The lead up to crawling was the absolute worst and he was so much more contented and less needy when he could get himself about. Don't pay too much attention to health visitors.