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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

How much do you get out-and-about with your 8mo? HV has made me feel like I am getting it all wrong :(

61 replies

BotBotticelli · 04/08/2013 13:38

DS1 has always been a spirited/challenging baby. Things are a bit easier now than when he was a newborn (colicky screaming for 3 months, early teething straight afterwards) but I still find him incredibly hard work.

But we still have lots of frustrated screaming as he painfully drags progresses himself towards each new developmental milestone. He was a nightmare in the few weeks leading up to being able to sit up, and now i am having the same thing again as he really wants to crawl but can't quite do it.

He also seems to get very bored, very quickly in our house we live in a small flat where the living space is all one room (lounge/diner/kitchen). And he doesn't really seem able to 'play' with a toy for longer than about 4-5 minutes yet without getting bored and crying again.

So I make a habit of getting out the house at least twice a day, once in the morning (to a babygroup or to see a friend for example), and once in the afternoon (to the shops, or swings, or to visit relatives). I usually make sure I am at home for lunch cos he has a nice long nap afterwards (90 mins) where I get to sit down and chill out which is much needed!

Anyway, I mentioned this in a more general moan to the HV about how difficult I was finding it to entertain DS, and she made me feel like I am making a rod for my own back by pandering to his need for stimulation by taking him out all the time :( She was concerned that i wasn't getting housework done etc cos he is so demanding (me and DH share the chores at the weekend and during the week the flat just gets untidy). She seemed to think I would be better off giving him some toys to play with whilst I cracked on with things, and that I needed to make DS fit more into our family life, rather than planning our days around him, iyswim?

But he doesn't seem to want to really play with toys yet. He can;t even hit a saucepan with a spoon :( Just eats the spoon! is teething as well which doesn't help things.

Anyway, sorry for the rant. I guess my question is aimed at mums of similarly spirited/stimulation-hungry babies: am I doing the wrong thing by following my gut and getting out the house loads with him? Will this ever get easier?? once he can crawl, will he be happier to spend a morning crawling around the flat???

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

jammiedonut · 04/08/2013 18:26

Tbh I would ignore her advice and do whatever it is you can to keep yourself sane. It's fantastic that you're venturing out so much.

BornToFolk · 04/08/2013 18:34

I always got out of the house at least once a day with DS when he was a baby. We'd both go a bit potty stuck I the house all day!

However, I think I probably didn't do enough of "just letting him get on with it" as he's always been a bit rubbish at entertaining himself. He still is now, at 5! So I think encouraging him to amuse himself is definitely a good idea. I agree with others that non-toys are infinitely more amusing than actual toys!

Daisy17 · 04/08/2013 18:57

I love the way people assume you've made your baby crave entertainment by forcibly stimulating them too much early on! Some babies come out like that, mine certainly did, and two trips out a day was necessary to keep him happy as it still is now at 2 years old. You're doing the right thing. But it is relentless and exhausting, so you have all my sympathy!

thing1andthing2 · 04/08/2013 19:12

I used to have a "out of the house twice a day rule" with dd. She was massively attention hungry and I couldn't get anything done. She is 3.7y now and life is much calmer. We can easily fill up the day doing nice things, and if I have to get some jobs done i just stick her in front of the iPad with peppa pig on .
It does get easier as they get older.
DS, who has arrived subsequently, will happily sit and play with toys for 20 minutes by himself. Every baby is different.

stopgap · 05/08/2013 00:03

Maybe it's the product of living in a small space. I live in an apartment, too, my DS is now two, but I can count on one hand the number of days we haven't gone out and done an activity. Mornings we're out from 9-12.30, either at a class, to the library, friend's apartment or the park, back for lunch and his 2-3 hour nap, then back out at 4pm for an hour, either to run an errand, watch the boats on the river, or to the local playground, which has sprinklers and a sand pit. It might sound exhausting to some, but my son is just like me--he HATES being cooped up indoors and is a (mostly) happy, well-rested toddler, so it seems to suit us.

madeit · 05/08/2013 06:56

I did the same when my boy was that age. I was out twice everyday. I would have gone mad otherwise and we both enjoyed being outdoors. My son now almost 4 is pretty good at entertaining himself now. I don't think it lead to him being reluctant and less able to play indoors although he always prefers outdoors. Having said that I teach young children and many boys prefer an outdoor option. He still prefers to be outdoors and generally speaking so do I.
What I can suggest if you have the energy is swimming. Also if you live in London Kew Gardens has an indoor very safe play area where you can relax even with a lively kid. The trick is to find places you both like. For me if usually involved playgroups with mothers I could relate to, in a nice environment with a good selection of toys, and usually an outdoor play option. Some cafes even have soft play areas attached especially in garden centres. I remember going and trying quite a few places when my son was that age. Some venues just didn't suit us others I persisted with and found them fine. Does your child sleep in the pram. buggy? Often I would sit for an hour or two at the library or park whilst my child slept. For my son and I a small flat, similar to yours was absolutely no fun.

PicardyThird · 05/08/2013 07:01

The HV should butt out. Her concern about your housework turns my stomach very slightly. Does she come from Stepford?

Your little boy sounds completely and utterly normal, esp the 5-minute attention-span thing. Getting out of the house as as important for your sanity as his stimulation - certainly was that way for me.

Keep on doing the stuff that suits you and ignore HV.

PicardyThird · 05/08/2013 07:03

How about assembling a treasure basket (also known on MN as wnaky basket)? Search the term to find threads.

Cravingdairy · 05/08/2013 07:05

Sounds perfectly normal to me!

ZolaBuddleia · 05/08/2013 07:08

DD is 3, and I still can't cope with a day at home with her. Our house is all one space too, and it drives me demented, am stir crazy by 11. She is rubbish at playing by herself, and maybe that's connected to her going out every day at least once, but at least I have my faculties!

We didn't do mother and baby groups, for us going out is visiting friends, a walk, shopping, the park, the beach etc.

pictish · 05/08/2013 07:11

The hv is not being picky. You moaned about how hard you moaned about how hard you are finding things, she offered you practical suggestions on how to make life easier for yourself. She also gave you permission to relax and not.be so full on.

I agree with this you see. She's just saying slow down really, and telling you that you are setting to high a precedent for yourselves!
She's right in that you are ultimately making a rod for your own back by entertaining him so effectively. Babies need to learn to settle and amuse themselves to a certain degree, otherwise you'll never have time for anything else!

I agree with her!

ThisIsYourSong · 05/08/2013 07:13

My twins were like this and I thought it was me! DS3 is completely different and will happily potter around the house by himself, coming to me for attention regularly. The twins are 3.8 now and can spend ages looking at books, playing etc. But they still absolutely love people, visitors, visiting others etc.

Have you got a Jumperoo or activity station thingy? All mind have loved those. You're a while off him being able to entertain himself for any periods of time IMO

KingRollo · 05/08/2013 07:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ArabellaBeaumaris · 05/08/2013 07:14

I think it's a flat living thing! We were in a flat, one entertaining space, no garden etc when we had dd1 & I went out twice a day too. We were so lucky to have a one o club in our park - sometimes I was there for the morning & afternoon session, having gone home for a nap in between. As she got older it got easier to spend more time in.

I don't think it's a boy thing, it is a small child thing.

SanityClause · 05/08/2013 07:41

I agree with pictish up to a point.

Did the HV actually see a desperate, wild eyed woman who Felt she was at the beck and call of this small person's every demand? Was she just saying, "You know, it's okay if he's bored for a while. It won't hurt him."

Equally, if I was stuck in a flat, particularly without a garden, I'd want to get out every day, as well.

Crumbledwalnuts · 05/08/2013 07:48

The health visitor is wrong. Anyone can tell from the way you've written things that you are managing a difficult situation quite well.

pictish · 05/08/2013 07:58

I had ds1 in an urban flat, and made sure we got out every day. I don't think you're doing anything wrong.

I think she was just trying to be kind though. You say yourself that you had a moan about entertaining him...she was responding in a solution based manner, essentially saying "don't worry about it so much".

You have chosen to take that as a negative thing, so I do wonder if you are perhaps more wound up than you realise, and that your HV in her experience, can sense it.

Just a thought x

Strikeuptheband · 05/08/2013 08:08

I was always out and about when DS was that age. He wouldn't sleep in his cot beyond about 13 months but he slept in the pushchair. You are doing fine...yes to the social stuff as it is good to build up a social network.
After DD was born we couldn't do so much as DS was not quite at nursery, so then we found a brilliant play group run by childminders where he could play while I chatted and fed DD. it was a salvation and these sorts of group as your DS grows older might be the answer to letting him entertain himself a bit more while you chat and get a sort of break from the routine. Enjoy your time with DS...I am all nostalgic now...

Phineyj · 05/08/2013 08:13

Stuff the housework!

DfanjoUnchained · 05/08/2013 08:17

You're basically living my life right now! So if you're doing it wrong so am I!

Amiee · 05/08/2013 08:20

Keep doing what your doing.
A spotless flat vrs a entertaining, stimulating happy childhood I bet I know which one your baby would choose.

CharlotteBronteSaurus · 05/08/2013 08:23

I think it sounds like you have a lovely routine that works for you both.

babies of this age are so hard to entertain at home - at this age mine were neither into toys nor telly, couldn't do much in the way of crafty things - what else are you supposed to do other than take them out?

dd2 in particular needed a change of scene twice daily, for us all to stay sane. It didn't have to be a grand excursion. Just popping to the corner shop for a pint of milk seemed to lift her mood a bit. she's grown out of needing to go out now she's 2.5, but she still prefers to go out, and generally asks "where are we going?" as soon as she's breakfasted.

DfanjoUnchained · 05/08/2013 08:28

I agree with above. Babies this age need the stimulation of nature - wind blowing, trees and plants, other people walking etc

They seem to much prefer it to a rattle and tv

Daguerreotype · 05/08/2013 08:38

It sounds like you are doing really well. Great on you to go out and do stuff, why should you be stuck at home? Ime, HV come out with the most generalised ( as opposed to tailored) advice and I have never found their input useful or relevant, on the contrary.

wickeddevil · 05/08/2013 08:49

There are some brilliant HV out there and some who like he sound of their own voices.
I have posted before on here that the best advice I had as a new Mum was not to ruin the relationship with my child / children over something they will grow out of.
Your DS will entertain himself for short periods. Eventually. In the meantime you are doing a good job of entertaining him and maintaining your sanity. Bugger the housework.
Enjoy your DS. You sound like a lovely mum.

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