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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Is this an appropriate punnishment

36 replies

HeatherSprouse · 03/08/2013 13:37

All for of my kids are screaming and hitting each other Ruth is the oldest she started It so Grounding her for a month and no tv for 1 week or xbox and Lilly is 7 so can I ground her for 3 weeks no sweets for 2 days (as with ruth) and send her to her room for hitting back. and Lilly is 2 she slapped her baby brother(2 months old) with the tv remote so can she have no sweets for the rest of the day and not alloud to the park with Ruth today and to go to bed now? please help I don't know what to do

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Original poster

HeatherSprouse · 03/08/2013 13:38

sorry I ment Rebecca is 7 lilly is 2

OP posts:

ReluctantBeing · 03/08/2013 13:40

I'm not completely clear about what's going on. How old is Ruth?

chickensaladagain · 03/08/2013 13:46

How is Ruth going to the park anyway if she's grounded?

A month is excessive as is 3 weeks -it becomes meaningless and punished you as much as it punishes them

Original poster

HeatherSprouse · 03/08/2013 13:51

Ruth is 9 and she I was going to make her take Lilly to the park for 5 mins and should I just ground her for a week then xx

OP posts:

Forgetfulmog · 03/08/2013 13:54

Um firstly I don't think you should be putting your children's real names on an Internet forum

InTheRedCorner · 03/08/2013 13:54

You really should give a 9 year old the responsibility of parenting a 2 year old

Your punishments are far to long, will you be able to not allow one child to not watch TV for a week?

InTheRedCorner · 03/08/2013 13:57

Shouldn't not should!

chickensaladagain · 03/08/2013 13:58

I wouldn't be putting a 9 yo in charge of a 2 yo -jeeze!

She isn't the parent, you are

Tumford · 03/08/2013 14:10

I agree these consequences are too long....they won't see the light at the end of the tunnel and you could end up with even worse behaviour.

Your 2 year old wont understand that no sweets relate to a hitting incident that will be over in their mind 2 min after it happend.

keep it short, simple and relevant is my suggestion.

colditz · 03/08/2013 14:16

Your children seem to get a lot of sweets. Ban those completely, you might see an improvement in behavior. No child needs sweets, they should be a weekly treat. It concerns me that you talk about banning sweets for the rest of the day, how many sweets would they get if you don't ban them?

Sounds like you have a lot of children in a small space. Don't make yr life harder by making them stay indoors as a punishment.

colditz · 03/08/2013 14:19

And OH MY FUCKING GOD. YOU CANNOT MAKE A NINE YEAR OLD BE RESPONSIBLE FOR A TWO YEAR OLD AT THE PARK!!!

Do not do this. If you fuck everything else up today, for gods sake don't send a toddler out with a nine year old. That's the stupidest idea I heard all day.

Pack ALL the kids up, pack a picnic, and take ALL the kids to the park. YOU do this. If you don't fill them full of sweets and telly, they might calm down.

RobotHamster · 03/08/2013 14:22

no, its not appropriate at all.

Loss of fun stuff/tv for a day or similar would be.

Take them all to the park and do not leave your 9yo in charge of your 2yo.

JoAlone · 03/08/2013 14:31

Sounds like you need to structure their activities a little more. Getting children involved in making a picnic, even if all they do is put the raisins one by one into a tub, will keep them occupied and give them an enormous amount of self esteem. I agree on the sweet thing, it is a treat, not a punishment tool.

Try star charts, 5 (age appropriate) things for each child, simple stuff like 'I brushed my own teeth', or 'I was helpful with picking up my toys', kids love to compete, at least it will be with good stuff, but never ever take away a star once it has been earned.

Heather you sound like you need a lot of guidance, there is tons of help on these forums, and loads of excellent parenting books at the library. I am sure you want your children to flourish and become successful adults. Remember you are not raising children, you are raising teenagers, and once they are teenagers you are guiding them into adulthood. If you only see them as misbehaving children, guess what they are going to end up doing as teens? Good luck, you certainly have your hands full.

Goldmandra · 03/08/2013 14:49

I agree with previous posters about punishments being too long, sweets being an occasional treat, not a reward, and not sending a 9 year old out with a toddler to look after.

You need to take a step back and look at why they are behaving like they are. They need structure and purpose to their day. That isn't easy with a small baby to care for but it is easier than fire-fighting when things get out of hand like this.

Think of somewhere to take them then give the two older ones individual tasks that help get all of you ready.

You need to make it easy for them to behave well and then tell them they have done well when they do.

Punishment breeds resentment.

If your 9 year old is stuck in the house for three weeks she will drive everyone, including herself, potty!

If you send a 2 year old to bed as a punishment she might start seeing it as a bad place to be and then you'll have problems at night.

Try to deal with unacceptable behaviour by letting them experiences the natural consequences. E.g. they can't do x because you can't trust them not to fight while they are doing it, rather than you are punishing them for fighting.

You clearly really have your hands full. Do your best to stay calm and be positive about the good you see.

Good luck with the rest of the day.

RobotHamster · 03/08/2013 16:41

I'm wondering if its the 9yo writing the OP

Original poster

HeatherSprouse · 03/08/2013 19:41

okay I was a little to harsh for grounding her for 1 mont but when I was her age I was grounded for that long and the Park is behind us I can see them and Its NOT up to you and quite the swaring I WANT NO HATER AND WILL BE REPORTING ALL HATERS AND HOW WILL A NEARLY 10 YEAR OLD LEARN IF SHE DIDN'T GET PUNISHED WELL YOU EXPLAIN BECAUSE I CAN'T BUT YOU ALL HAVE TO KNOW I HAVE 4 KIDS I RAISE THEM ON MY OWN I AM TIRED THERE DAD RAN OUT ON ME WHEN PRGNANT WITH CALLUM

OP posts:

LadyintheRadiator · 03/08/2013 19:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CreatureRetorts · 03/08/2013 19:54

Set up a routine for your day - especially as its holidays.

No sweets. Makes them hyper.

Get out to the park together in the morning of you can. Home for lunch, naps for little ones, tv for older ones. Tody up, out again. Home for tea, dinner, various bedtimes etc.

Speak to your HV about ideas - our council has free activities during the summer break.

lollipoppi · 03/08/2013 19:55

I thought you said on another thread tonight that dad came home and sorted them out?
This is the 5th thread I've read today from you, it sounds like you've had a tough day and could do with some support

Could you speak with your HV?

RobotHamster · 03/08/2013 19:56

OneStepCloser · 03/08/2013 19:57

Right, you sound very upset and tired, 4 young children on your own is not easy, is there anyone you can turn to for support?

It sounds as though you've had enough today (hug)

InTheRedCorner · 03/08/2013 20:15

Oh dear.

The problem with setting such long punishments is having to stand by them, can you really manage the rest of the holidays with DC grounded and with no TV?

I have 3 DC and know I wouldn't be able to manage giving such un obtainable restrictions it sounds to me that you are setting their punishments in anger and desperation.

And as Lolli has said you did say on your other thread that dad came home and sorted them out

InTheRedCorner · 03/08/2013 20:17

Oh and just because you can see the park doesn't imo mean your 9 year old should have to parent your 2 year old, that's your job not hers.

Original poster

HeatherSprouse · 03/08/2013 20:19

lollipop yeah I had to call him to help me with the girls thanks to onestepcloser I can turn to my x husband for support he helps me sometimes and also thanks to creatureretorts that is a plan for tomorrow and if its nice we will go to the beach and then for Ice-cream I've been to stressed out today xx

OP posts:

OneStepCloser · 03/08/2013 20:27

Heather, we ALL get to that stage, what's done is done, and start a fresh tomorrow. Use that park behind to knacker the kids out, and look out for free activities in your area, the library usually has some art ones that maybe your dd might like? And let your ex take some of the strain so you can have your own time and re-fresh.

Six weeks holiday can seem a life time sometimes

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