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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

I love my 7 year old, but she is so challenging...

96 replies

Iwaswatchingthat · 29/07/2013 23:07

Just that really....

She still has huge tantrums daily.

Today she has had two major ones.

The first was because she wanted to go in the car and we were walking. It lasted fifteen minutes with her pulling the car door, opening it, getting in, refusing to get out, being lifted out whilst screaming 'you're hurting me'. Then grabbing my hand, trying to hold onto my leg, block me as I am walking along, stop her sister holding my hand. Then lots of sorrys and 'can I have a cuddle?' Then all forgotten and a nice afternoon.

Then tonight - wanted to get back in the bath when bath time was over. That tantrum has only finished in the last half an hour. Lots of screaming and shouting. DH was doing bath so I could have some time - ha ha - some hope with her screaming 'I want mummy' for the last few hours. Then lots of coming downstairs, lots of demands (which are not given into) - brush my hair mummy, get me a drink, please tuck me in (again as already tucked in once, but she got out). Then yet again lots of sorry, please can I have a cuddle......

Basically I am worn out with it all - if she starts to have a tantrum at night then it is 'game over' for us having any evening.

I am now too stressed and fed up to sleep and I am exhausted. My shoulders are tense and my head is banging.

I feel like I am the only person amongst my friends who has a child who behaves this way. She is so gorgeous in lots of ways and gets plenty of love and attention. I have been with her all day long......

Any advice appreciated.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

catus · 01/08/2013 21:14

I'm not sure if my experience can help you, but I was a lot like your DD at her age. I vividly remember my tantrums, they were epic. Throwing things, pulling my curtains down, crying and shouting, etc.
I can't really explain it. I just couldn't control myself. A sort of rage mixed with despair came over me and got hold of me. I couldn't accept not getting something I wanted and that feeling of pain and pure frustration was so intense I can still feel it now.
I don't really have any advice, but I just wanted to tell you I was not being a drama queen, i was genuinely suffering.
Also, just to reassure you, I am now a well adjusted and quite laid back person.
Good luck.

orangeandemons · 01/08/2013 21:42

I was also a tantrum my difficult and demanding child....this must be payback. However am incredibly easy going and unmoody now. I am still persistent though...actually I'm perfect

Original poster

Iwaswatchingthat · 01/08/2013 21:54

I was a hugely well behaved child who could entertain myself, coloured in, made up imaginary games, minded my own business, always polite.....

DH on the other hand.........

OP posts:

Original poster

Iwaswatchingthat · 01/08/2013 21:55

catus The feelings must have been strong for you to remember them into adulthood.

Good to know you are happy now.

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orangeandemons · 01/08/2013 21:55

I was a horrible teen though

Original poster

Iwaswatchingthat · 01/08/2013 21:56

Hmmmm me too.

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Original poster

Iwaswatchingthat · 01/08/2013 21:58

allegro I had my 'easygoing, sleeps through at 12 weeks, naps for three hours in the day, never cries child' first!!!

Imagine my shock when I realised I wasn't actually the best mum in the world, but actually that you get what you are given!!!!

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Wheresmycaffeinedrip · 01/08/2013 22:12

Yes I often think this Is my punishment for the easiest pregnancy , birth, baby and toddler ever.

rhetorician · 01/08/2013 22:14

Have enjoyed this, having spent latter part of the day trying to head off dd1s strops. Then she pulls off nightie because it is the wrong one...she is sensitive to everything (smell, sound) but she is also stubborn, pig headed, refuses to listen, just does what she wants, or tries to. Confrontation always escalates and makes her lash out. I really do think that some of it is anxiety, but I can't understand why a bright girl can't 'get' the link between action and consequence. She would always rather have negative attention than positive, because then she can see that we have lost control and that she hasn't...it is very very very hard

rhetorician · 01/08/2013 22:23

Mine is 4.6 btw, starts school in 4 weeks. Perfectly well behaved at nursery

Green18 · 01/08/2013 22:24

Poor you and on such a hot day too. I think it happens a lot more than mums like to let on so don't worry too much. I agree with an earlier post that tiredness and hunger are big factors. Also, what has worked for me with my two daughters, now 12 and 9, is talking through what is going to happen beforehand. So, you say" we are going out today and we are walking to...." or "when the clock says 7pm i' m going to get you to pull the plug out and i will get you all dry with a cuddle in a nice towel." Worth a try, my two always responded better to this than surprise. Good luck.

rhetorician · 01/08/2013 22:25

Yes, advance warning does work well. Alas not all events are predictable!!

Wheresmycaffeinedrip · 01/08/2013 22:33

See I find advance warning just gives more time to plan how to be difficult [awkward emoticon]

Green18 · 01/08/2013 22:39

Ha ha, maybe mine were not as bad as i thought at the time!

BeCool · 02/08/2013 10:11

chocolatecrispies I love this I treat every meltdown as a panic attack caused by anxiety, I soothe, reassure and try never to sound frustrated or angry as that makes it worse.

I've been very good at not reacting or getting annoyed with DD1 this week and she has now had 3 early nights in a row - so things have improved daily. But I'm going to ramp it up and treat outbursts/tantrums as a panic attack as you suggest. What you said really resonates with me - I think as a tactic it could be the best approach yet. many thanks.

Here's looking forward to the weekend :)

FreakoidOrganisoid · 02/08/2013 11:19

This is ds to a tee! Nobody gets it,they assume I am not parenting him for him to be this way (he is however v well behaved at school and for other people)

He loves the beach and he loves motorbikes. So we took him to a motocross event on the beach. Even though he was really enjoying watching the races he still kept demanding ice cream even though I had already explained that we would get an ice cream after the races(massive queue and would have missed most of the racing so would watch racing then go to different ice cream place outside arena-all of which was explained to him). We decided that as he wasnt even focusing on the race as he was whining too much about wanting ice cream (and it was bloody freezing)that we'd leave a bit early and get ice cream on the way out. He then threw a tantrum because we were leaving, refused to stop even when I said tantrum equaled no ice cream so we left early and he didn't get an ice cream. All he can remember about that day that we had planned to be a fun day for him is that he didn't get an ice cream and how mean I was to him.

Earlier this week he refused to get first into and then out of the bath. I did exactly as suggested below, told him to get out or there wouldn't be time for a story, pulled the plug out, lifted him out. While I was plaiting dds hair he started running himself another bath. I said no, you would have had longer in the bath if you'd got in when I first asked you to instead of spending 20mins complaining about it. So then he had a tantrum. I said last chance if you want a story, he continued with the tantrum while I read to dd. I then put him in bed and left him to it.

Since then he has used me being so mean and not even reading him a story as an excuse to behave badly, shout at me, not do what I ask...

He just doesn't react to normal parenting the way other children (including dd) do. With the ice cream dd listened and took on board why we were getting one later (and she didn't even want to watch the motorbikes!) but ds couldn't think of anything other than that his want for an ice cream wasn't being immediately met. It didnt matter what I said or how much fun he was having, he wanted ice cream NOW.

Original poster

Iwaswatchingthat · 02/08/2013 11:51

I really get the anxiety thing too. Dd is outwardly quite confident - really funny etc. but actually she is extremely anxious about lots of things.

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Mopswerver · 03/08/2013 09:01

In common with many previous posters I have discovered over the yrs that calm statements of intent (with no irritation in voice) works over shouting/smacking (yes, I have resorted to it!).

Keep calm and repeat your previous answer with no room for debate i.e "No, this is what we are going to do so be quick, get your shoes on and then we can do ???" then hurry on...no discussion.

If you get away with it then lots of extra positive attention, hugs, compliments "you look so good in those shorts" etc works for us. A "good" day (you might have to be a little flexible with the description!) gets positive comments when we get home. i.e " Thanks for your company today I really enjoyed it and it was so nice of you to ???"

When we have days like this I feel like I am a great Mum and can cope...but believe me, it's taken 12 yrs and it has been a constant battle. Getting there but I warn you, the Facebook/txt-ing days are coming girls so be prepared!

Mopswerver · 03/08/2013 09:02

Iwaswatchingthat The confidence/anxiety thing...absolutely!

greener2 · 04/08/2013 08:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsGaryMcNumanface · 15/03/2025 16:23

OP, are you still around? 12 years on, how has your dd turned out? I'm curious, because my granddaughter is like this, maybe a bit less extreme, but so exhausting to deal with

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