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How Can I Help my 3.5yo learn to read?

34 replies

PavlovtheCat · 11/07/2013 22:06

Ok, I know that sounds like I am too eager and a bit precious!

He doesn't hold his pencil with pencil grip yet; he holds it like a knife. He struggles to make proper marks and has shown not to much interest in drawing etc. No big deal, he is tiny, has years to figure it all out. But, recently, he is getting upset that he cannot write yet and I think this is hindering him in learning to hold his pencil correctly and draw/practice swirls. He is getting frustrated that what he wants to draw doesn't look like what he wants, and so he stops. If he was not bothered, I wouldn't really be too bothered about pressing him just yet.

I know I shouldn't compare him to his DS and I am not doing so negatively, rather trying to figure out how we helped her along and encouraged her to work through her frustrations. But, she didn't have any. She had pencil grip from pretty much as soon as she could hold a pencil and was happy making marks, and being pleased as punch at her 'flower' or her 'mummy' which may well have looked nothing like it. She would quite happily draw us pictures, or do a scribble in a birthday card and say it was her name or kisses.

A few weeks ago I asked DS if he would like to draw or write in daddy's birthday card. He cried and said 'no!' and run away. I asked what was wrong and he said 'I can't do letters, I can only do squiggles!' and cried again. I asked if he wanted to do some squiggles as daddy loved his squiggles and he said no, so I left it.

He has since then taken some interest in drawing, his sister is an avid drawer and so he has been copying her, which I have encouraged by asking her to let him draw with her (sometimes he messes up what she does so she gets cross, but has got better at this). He has just drawn a card for his granny, by copying his sister, he did a fabulous rainbow, which looked just like a rainbow and a flower (I almost didn't want to send it!) so he is making progress.

This evening daddy was writing my birthday card out and asked if he wanted to do something in the card. He became upset again and said that he couldn't write letters. DH mentioned this to me as he was surprised that he was even aware he couldn't do it, mainly as DD took it in her stride and naturally just moved through that phase without really knowing she wasn't being clear in her marks.

Is this a common thing children go through with learning letters? I have no problems with the not knowing - he is interested in books, asks about what letters are what etc, but I am worried that his frustrations might stop him from trying as he progresses if he finds things difficult to master (as he will!). He has always been a child that has been frustrated with not being able to do things right now, including speaking and many of his tantrums have been, and continue to be when he can't express himself using the words he wants, or so we can understand him.

What can we do to help him build his confidence in trying things that he can't do well? I am not so much thinking for right now, but as we move through his learning I don't to suddenly go 'ok we need to find out how we help him' when it's a real problem (if it even becomes a problem).

OP posts:
topsyandturvy · 13/07/2013 09:57

Oh that's a shame then Pavlov, none of mine were like that, they just scribbled away from time to time, read with me a lot and that's it. Would he like to try with tracing paper? Or you can print sheets out with shapes and letters and laminate them so he can work with a bigger pen and rub it out after?

ChazDingle · 13/07/2013 23:10

Pavlov i 110% identify with you, my DS is exactly the same and i've never even encouraged/ put pressure on him to write. Its just him getting himself stressed he can't do stuff.

What is your DS like with reading/ identifying letters? DS is good on that side which is part of the issue why he's got so stressed with not being able to write the letters as he knows so well what they should look like

However he has been painting really well in garden last few days (he's not been keen on drawing for a few months). He's painting away and then telling me he's painted usually a dog or a cat. In reality it looks nothing like either but i'm being really enthusiastic and saying how good it is so hopefully that will get his confidence back up

DoubleLifeIsALifeHalved · 14/07/2013 01:30

Just posting briefly to say I had a similar thread a few weeks ago... But mine is an only one so no explanation why he's decided he can't do it and is a failure :(

It's horrible to watch and I don't know how to help him...

The only thing I can think of is books/ program's which show the idea of practise... I think there was a RaaRaa episode.... Anyone got any other suggestions?

I need him to understand that he can be 'bad' at something then practise to get better... I know he isn't actually bad at it, but he won't accept it and dismisses me telling him I love his scribbles / drawings.

lolalotta · 14/07/2013 06:22

Triangular writing implements are supposed to help young children with the correct pencil grip. I bought my DD this chunky triangular white board pen for this wipe clean abc book she loves it and is 3.5! I also form a lot of my pen letters incorrectly (mildly dyslexic I think) so I bought this book to make sure when she asks for help I am showing her the right way! It is a very interesting read!

lolalotta · 14/07/2013 06:31

These Lyra colouring pencils are also nice and chunky and triangular, they produce a beautiful line and depth of colour too.

DoubleLifeIsALifeHalved · 14/07/2013 11:06

I got this book and tried to do it with ds one to one, to build confidence, but even seeing letters makes him freak out and say 'no no, I can't do it, I'm not good'

:(

Am going back to basics now, and going to use that wonderful list of activities someone posted earlier to get him doing stuff that doesn't seem like writing / drawing, but is going to help his dexterity and finger grip.

Am going in to talk to his nursery on Thursday, as they are the ones who've pushed letters so much and caused this problem... I want them to back off but I suspect they either will refuse as all class doing the same programme, or will make it worse by excluding him obviously and making him feel worse. So frustrating!!!! He only goes 2 days a week so am hoping my influence is much stronger than theirs at the moment...

DoubleLifeIsALifeHalved · 14/07/2013 11:13

Oops forgot link!

this

Also just ordered this easel as I hadn't realised how the easel position could help, have shown him easel online and he's excited about it - not associating it with upsetting stuff yet so need to think of really fun stuff to do with it

exoticfruits · 14/07/2013 11:15

He will do it when he is ready-he isn't ready.
I had my DS2 comparing himself to DS1 who was 8yrs older. I had to keep saying 'BUT he didn't do it when he was 3.5, 4, 5yrs etc'!

rlitzboy81 · 14/09/2013 22:54

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