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Original poster

Im so angry right now. DD1 has bitten DD2 7 or 8 times and has drawn blood

34 replies

starshaker · 08/07/2013 21:31

DD1 is 8, there is no excuse. Im so fucking angry. I have sent her to her room so i can comfort dd2 who is 2 and calm down before i deal with her.

I dont know what ive done wrong. I dont know what to do.

OP posts:
Original poster
starshaker · 08/07/2013 21:44

anybody with any advice

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peggotty · 08/07/2013 21:46

How did it happen? What were they doing at the time etc?

Dysgu · 08/07/2013 21:48

Not sure anything I have to say will be of any help but I didn't want to leave your post unanswered.

I agree there is no excuse but surely there has to be a 'reason' for the biting - it might not seem so to you but I should think your DD1 must have thought she had a reason; how did she manage to bite so many times?

How is your DD2? I hope you have managed to settle her.

How are you? Have you managed to calm down? I have no advice on how to approach this but obviously it needs sorting and you need to know why DD1 did this so that it doesn't happen again.

Good luck

Original poster
starshaker · 08/07/2013 21:48

The twins were up in bed and dd1 said she was going to read them a story. Next i know is dd2 screaming and covered in bite marks and ds1 crying because he had been slapped

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jkklpu · 08/07/2013 21:48

Sounds really awful. Is this common behaviour? Does she always push the limits like this? Does she always get 7 or 8 times to do something serious (cause pain) before she's stopped?

peggotty · 08/07/2013 21:51

Has she shown aggression towards them before and what is her explanation? Just trying to get fuller picture - I understand you must be so angry and sad at her behaviour

ImTooHecsyForYourParty · 08/07/2013 21:52

At 8, she is certainly old enough to know that biting is unacceptable regardless what a toddler may do to you!

It's good that you've taken time to calm down, it's important to not react in anger but to think carefully about how to proceed.

You're going to have to sit down and talk to her about how to manage her anger and what to do if she feels angry in future.

The rage that she must have been feeling to bite her sister that many times must have been massive.

How is your younger child? Is she ok? Perhaps you should get the bites checked out. If there are that many of them and the skin has been broken she may need a jab or something (I say this because I read that the human mouth is one of the dirtiest, absolutely teeming with germs and advice is to get a tetanus or something or other for a bad bite) click here

Snazzyenjoyingsummer · 08/07/2013 21:52

How is she usually with her younger siblings?

insanityscratching · 08/07/2013 21:52

Does she have any special needs? Has she hurt them before? Has something happened recently that has made dd1 angry today? How does she usually get on with dts?

Original poster
starshaker · 08/07/2013 21:55

She has been pushing things lately. I dont know how she managed to bite dd2 so many times. She acts jealous of the twins. I spend plenty fun time with al off them and she gets mummy time when they go to bed

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ChippingInGoAndyGo · 08/07/2013 21:57

8 - that's 'old' to be biting?!

Same questions as everyone else really.

I can understand why you are very angry. Her room is the best place for her right now.

Original poster
starshaker · 08/07/2013 21:57

No special needs that i know of. She said her sister told her to bite her

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ImTooHecsyForYourParty · 08/07/2013 21:58

Are you saying that she is so jealous that she went to their room to hit and bite them? Because that level of jealousy would be something that would need to be urgently addressed.

She needs to know how angry you are - but not in an uncontrolled way from you. She needs to understand that this must never ever happen again.

What is she doing now?

ImTooHecsyForYourParty · 08/07/2013 21:59

x-post.

You do know that that is a lie, don't you?

Nobody asks someone to bite them. Nobody asks someone to bite them several times!

Original poster
starshaker · 08/07/2013 22:00

She never bit as a baby or toddler. Im just lost about what to do about her at the moment. She will do something and then just stare at you. Its like shes not there or really just doesnt care

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RandomMess · 08/07/2013 22:01

I can highly recommend "How to talk so kids will listen" and the accompanying book "Siblings without rivalry". It must have been very hard to be an only child for 6 years and then upsurped by twins. I wonder how conflicted she is feeling - loves them yet resents and despised them at the same time??? She needs to be allowed to tell you all the negative stuff without any criticism from you about how she feels.

Original poster
starshaker · 08/07/2013 22:02

I know its a lie. She is in her room shouting shes sorry but ive tried to explain that sorry isnt a get out of jail free card. She cant just do what she wants then say sorry and everything is ok again

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Original poster
starshaker · 08/07/2013 22:06

Its hard. Shes not had it easy. First me and her dad split up then we moved, then the twins arrived then we moved another 2 times. Its hard doing it on my own

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RandomMess · 08/07/2013 22:06

Yes It does sound very difficult and that it's taken it's toll on you both.

ImTooHecsyForYourParty · 08/07/2013 22:07

Perhaps you should go in, tell her to stop shouting because you don't want to hear it but she can write down exactly why what she did was wrong and how it would feel to be bitten.

make her think about it from the victim's pov.

ImTooHecsyForYourParty · 08/07/2013 22:08

oh, but also reassure her that you love her.

She will really need to know that right now.

You hate what she has done, but you love her.

That doesn't mean she gets let off, of course.

Original poster
starshaker · 08/07/2013 22:11

gonna try and get the twins to go back to bed and then will try talking to her. Although its gone quiet so maybe she has gone to sleep now

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RandomMess · 08/07/2013 22:12

I'd also ask her to write down how she feels about the twins, you may get a whole speil of how she hates them, thinks they're disgusting and wishes they had never been born but actually letting her say/write those things and that it's okay to feel like that (at times) will actually help her feel and behave more loving towards them - that is basically what all the research that went into those books showed/proved.

From her point of view I wonder how closely Daddy leaving and the twins arrival are linked.

Sconset · 08/07/2013 22:13

Oh Hecate. How did you become so wise?
I want to be Hecate when I grow up! Smile

starshaker- sorry you're struggling with this- upheaval is more difficult for some children than others. I hope she settles down soon.

ImTooHecsyForYourParty · 09/07/2013 06:38

I'm six hundred and twelve Wink

How did it go, starshaker? Hope that it's a better morning for you all.

Random is right to also give her space to write or otherwise express her feelings without fear of being told off or that she's wrong.