Funny/embarrassing things your dc have said in public

[ellesabe]

Dd (2.7yo) said very loudly in a public toilet cubicle:

"Look mummy, you got a very curly bottom!"

Ds, 'is this the neighbour you didn't used to like mummy, but now you do? ' to me, as I politely made small talk with said neighbour.

DD (4) shouted really loudly in a busy queue in Waitrose "I did a GUFF.....in my FOOF." Followed by hysterical giggles.

We'd just had a lovely lunch in a fairly naice restaurant in Florence. DD (then just turned 3) had behaved really quite well, been fussed over by the waiters etc. Then she goes to the loo with DH, comes out and SHRIEKS across the restaurant full of joy: 'Mummy I had a really big poo and a pee too!' I just shrivelled up and died.

I once had to have a long discussion with ds1, in the chemist's shop about why I wasn't going to show him the abscess on my boob that was the reason for the visit to the chemist (to collect the antibiotics the dr had prescribed).

Why is it that when your child says things like this, a shop/cafe etc that was empty, only nanoseconds before, suddenly fills up with people all grinning at your discomfiture?

I was trying on a dress in the changing rooms of a department store with DS who was then 4 in tow.

I made the mistake of asking what he thought to which he replied in the loudest voice he could muster 'it looks ridiculous Mummy'.

Cue someone in the next cubicle sniggering saying 'you won't be buying that then!'

DD 23 months on a bus pointing to a large man "that big one" then every other person that got on the bus got categorised as "big one" or "little one" while I desperately tried to distract her.

DS 3.6 in morrisons toilets. A lady was in another cubicle and did a loud fart. Cue DS pointing it out. 'Mummy that lady did a trump, didn't she? I do trumps too'
I was so mortified (as I'm sure she was too) we stayed in our cubicle until she left.

This thread has given me a reason to laugh out loud - much needed at the mo! Thank you xx

Friend's DS asked why she was putting a mouse in her bottom in public loos whilst she was discretely changing a tampon. She was horrified and waited until everyone who could have possibly heard had left the loo before opening the door

When DD3 was 15 months we went to the beach for the day.
Two men walked past us who were every stereotype of a gay couple. They were immaculate, muscly and very very camp. I hate to stereotype people but they really were the typical stereotype.
DD3 went running after them shouting " Daddy, Daddy! "
They found it absolutely hilarious and the redder I went as I apologised, the more DD3 shouted and the more they laughed!

'Mummy got sore nipples' was today's public humiliation from dd (2.3). I'm pg again and have just about stopped breastfeeding dd, I foolishly told her it was sore one evening when I had to stop a feed early (it is, very!).

Last week it was lifting my skirt right up in the supermarket queue and shouting 'ooh, mummy got knickers on! Dd got knickers on too!'

I met an old friend in a supermarket who I hadn't seen in 10 years. She bent down to say hello to my 3 year old ds who inexplicably replied with: "Hello. I have nits."
He didn't.

Girl Mindee is going through a nudist phase at the minute, keeps loudly asking if anyone wants to see her bum-bum.

When I was about four, our car broke down in front of a thatched-roof cottage and the lady who lived there came out to offer my Dad the use of her phone. I asked her "Are you a good witch or a bad witch?" In fairness to me, she was dressed all in black.

Midnight mass last year ds2 (16 ASD LD) rather too loudly "Mum why is it illegal to download porn but you don't get arrested for looking at it"

When dd was 3 in supermarket right next to v old lady: mummy why has that lady got such a sad face?
Old lady: she's right you know, my son died of cancer last yearand i haven't got over it

also aged 2 in a taxi pointed to the driver and said: what colour's the man?

The girls next door were playing with our DDs in our car while DH was clearing it out. One of them found a tampon that had fallen out of my bag. DD2 (5) exclaimed "Oh I know what that is! It's for my Mummy's bloodhole."

DD1 (7, SN) was in Sainsbury's today and said 'Oh look mummy, they's barrs they cover your boobies. Some are big, some are bigger, some are really big fat ones and some are teeeny weeeny tineeyy.'

At her special school there was a man getting some tennis equipment ready. She walked up to him and said 'why you use wheelchair?'. He said 'Oh I had an accident. The mesages don't get from my brain to my legs now.' She said 'Oh....why you got two ?' The tone of her voice was so accusatory! He was very gracious and told her that one was for everyday and the other was for sports. He's a paralympic tennis player

DD3 (4) 'Mummy, I like the one with the big fat tummy. She's kind to me.'

In keeping with OP, in the park in front of about 25 friends/kids when my mate brought her back from a loo trip dd announced 'Don't worry mummy, Auntie Jenny's got a furry front bottom just like yours'.