Funny/embarrassing things your dc have said in public

[ellesabe]

Dd (2.7yo) said very loudly in a public toilet cubicle:

"Look mummy, you got a very curly bottom!"

[clippityclop]

In keeping with OP, in the park in front of about 25 friends/kids when my mate brought her back from a loo trip dd announced 'Don't worry mummy, Auntie Jenny's got a furry front bottom just like yours'.

[lougle]

The girls next door were playing with our DDs in our car while DH was clearing it out. One of them found a tampon that had fallen out of my bag. DD2 (5) exclaimed "Oh I know what that is! It's for my Mummy's bloodhole."

DD1 (7, SN) was in Sainsbury's today and said 'Oh look mummy, they's barrs they cover your boobies. Some are big, some are bigger, some are really big fat ones and some are teeeny weeeny tineeyy.'

At her special school there was a man getting some tennis equipment ready. She walked up to him and said 'why you use wheelchair?'. He said 'Oh I had an accident. The mesages don't get from my brain to my legs now.' She said 'Oh....why you got two ?' The tone of her voice was so accusatory! He was very gracious and told her that one was for everyday and the other was for sports. He's a paralympic tennis player

DD3 (4) 'Mummy, I like the one with the big fat tummy. She's kind to me.'

[BabiesAreLikeBuses]

When dd was 3 in supermarket right next to v old lady: mummy why has that lady got such a sad face?
Old lady: she's right you know, my son died of cancer last yearand i haven't got over it


also aged 2 in a taxi pointed to the driver and said: what colour's the man?

[eatyourveg]

Midnight mass last year ds2 (16 ASD LD) rather too loudly "Mum why is it illegal to download porn but you don't get arrested for looking at it"

[PrincessTeacake]

Girl Mindee is going through a nudist phase at the minute, keeps loudly asking if anyone wants to see her bum-bum.

When I was about four, our car broke down in front of a thatched-roof cottage and the lady who lived there came out to offer my Dad the use of her phone. I asked her "Are you a good witch or a bad witch?" In fairness to me, she was dressed all in black.

[Thingymajigs]

I met an old friend in a supermarket who I hadn't seen in 10 years. She bent down to say hello to my 3 year old ds who inexplicably replied with: "Hello. I have nits."
He didn't.

[DIYandEatCake]

'Mummy got sore nipples' was today's public humiliation from dd (2.3). I'm pg again and have just about stopped breastfeeding dd, I foolishly told her it was sore one evening when I had to stop a feed early (it is, very!).

Last week it was lifting my skirt right up in the supermarket queue and shouting 'ooh, mummy got knickers on! Dd got knickers on too!'

[Myliferocks]

When DD3 was 15 months we went to the beach for the day.
Two men walked past us who were every stereotype of a gay couple. They were immaculate, muscly and very very camp. I hate to stereotype people but they really were the typical stereotype.
DD3 went running after them shouting " Daddy, Daddy! "
They found it absolutely hilarious and the redder I went as I apologised, the more DD3 shouted and the more they laughed!

[PickledMoomin]

Friend's DS asked why she was putting a mouse in her bottom in public loos whilst she was discretely changing a tampon. She was horrified and waited until everyone who could have possibly heard had left the loo before opening the door

[ladypop]

This thread has given me a reason to laugh out loud - much needed at the mo! Thank you xx

[sparkleshine]

DS 3.6 in morrisons toilets. A lady was in another cubicle and did a loud fart. Cue DS pointing it out. 'Mummy that lady did a trump, didn't she? I do trumps too'
I was so mortified (as I'm sure she was too) we stayed in our cubicle until she left.

[superchick]

DD 23 months on a bus pointing to a large man "that big one" then every other person that got on the bus got categorised as "big one" or "little one" while I desperately tried to distract her.

[thanksamillion]

I was trying on a dress in the changing rooms of a department store with DS who was then 4 in tow.

I made the mistake of asking what he thought to which he replied in the loudest voice he could muster 'it looks ridiculous Mummy'.

Cue someone in the next cubicle sniggering saying 'you won't be buying that then!'

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

I once had to have a long discussion with ds1, in the chemist's shop about why I wasn't going to show him the abscess on my boob that was the reason for the visit to the chemist (to collect the antibiotics the dr had prescribed).

Why is it that when your child says things like this, a shop/cafe etc that was empty, only nanoseconds before, suddenly fills up with people all grinning at your discomfiture?

[NulliusInBlurba]

We'd just had a lovely lunch in a fairly naice restaurant in Florence. DD (then just turned 3) had behaved really quite well, been fussed over by the waiters etc. Then she goes to the loo with DH, comes out and SHRIEKS across the restaurant full of joy: 'Mummy I had a really big poo and a pee too!' I just shrivelled up and died.

[LegArmpits]

DD (4) shouted really loudly in a busy queue in Waitrose "I did a GUFF.....in my FOOF." Followed by hysterical giggles.

[Nerfmother]

Ds, 'is this the neighbour you didn't used to like mummy, but now you do? ' to me, as I politely made small talk with said neighbour.

[beela]

DS (2.8) in swimming pool changing cubicle: 'you're very good at pulling your pants down Mummy'

erm... thanks.

[BotBotticelli]

Brilliant! This thread has made me nearly cry with laughter. DS1 is only 7 months old so I have all this to come.

[memphis83]

'Mummy, is the doctor going to touch your boobies?' (Ds is obsessed with boobs atm)
'Mummy xxx has got a baby in tummy, you have cake in your tummy'
'Mummy, are you having a poo?' ( in a public toilet)
'Mummy, have you got a willy?' 'Nanny got a biiiiiig willy' (in coffee shop with my mum sitting waiting for us.

[Iammrsbeckham]

2.8 DD very loudly in M&S "errgh, nanny smells. Nanny did a poo". I found it hilarious but my mum was a little embarrassed!

[Lawabidingmama]

MIL came round and we weren't in next time we saw her she said to DD1 who is 3 'nanny came to see you before I knocked on your door but no one answered' DD replied 'yeah we were just hiding!' I swear we werent!

Then in the cloak room at nursery in front of several other parents 'I didn't poo my nick nicks today mammy'!

[tricksybaby200]

Zulubump love it! My son also 3 also obsessed with willies has has said the following in public bathrooms and changing rooms..
Do you like my willy?
Look my willy!
You've not got a willy!
Daddy's willy is hairy! ( daddy not there at the time)
And my personal favourite he souted in a public toilet from a closed cubical...
Stop touching my willy!
( he was trying to pee standing up and it wasn't going in the bowl )

Still think yours is the best though Zulu ;)