Daily battles with 4 year old ds...........

[Northerner]

All day, every day. ASking him to brush teeth/get dressed/come to teh table/tidy away toys 3 or 4 times before he even acknowledges me. He is really answering back, sticking out his tongue, not sharing toys on play dates all of a sudden, and shouting and me dh and anyone else in the vicinity.

He is driving me wild. Under all of this bravado he is a funny, loving little monkey, but to an outsider, I'm sure they just see a rude, loud, obnoxious boy.

I am dealing with it, he gets sent to his room (about 10 time a day atm) and has toys consficated and loses treats such as sweets and TV. Guesss I just want to hear that this is normal, and school will calm him down. (won't it??)

have you tried losing your voice? it worked with DS for a bit .. I really did lose my voice and the whispering around him really made him quieter .. weird

Thanks Twig

At leats I'm not alone. I thought being three was bad, nad now he's 4, jeez...........

LOL at losing my voice. Might try that.

see that's why he's a handful .. drinking at this time in the morning I dunno

I was jonking!!!

Just searched in this topic and it seems that 4 is a difficult age.

We're off to loacl park soon on his scooter to burn off some energy.

DD is going through this as well I think most parents with children this age are tearing their hair out waiting for the "phase" to pass. They only move on to a different more challenging phase though sounds bad but maybe I will make all the mistakes this time round with dd and stand a chance of handling it a bit better when DS reaches the difficult stage.

yes i rmemerb it was and sympathise
think you need to acquanit himt ot the inside of his room
NO sitking out tngues
saying non
or being rude
send hins traight up there
haev a zero tolerance weekend

yes agree with pahse but if oyu let him talk to you liek that now it will NEVer pass

Well we've had a better day today as we spent 3 hours in the valley gardens - he had a fab time.

Back home and he's only been to his room once.

We'll see what tomorrow brings. Agree with zero tolerance though. Hate tongue sticking out.

What should I do if he does it outside?

take him to a corner some where you can talk

hold his arms buy his sides, crouch dwon
,look him in the eyes and growl at him that he is NOT to do that and if he does it again that XYZ will happen

star chart maybe?

btw is you r dh helping here

him telligng ds that he is nto to talk to mummy that way (a nd the other way around ) can really phase them

also do make LOTS of comments hen he asks nicely for soemthing

rmeemeb to make any pubishment immdiate too not to happen in the evingin for exapmle

....sorry just rememebered antoher good trick ime is to keep repeating "How we doe hings" during the day

if you see a kid behaving badly yhen ( our of earshot) say "ooh dearey me( cue pantomime dame voice) MY son doesnt cry like thta ...what does HE do?"

ds1 "I ask nicley" smug baltant lie emoticon

so he gets the idea. or let him over hear you tellign your mum9say) that he was such a godo boy

when does he go to bed n>

Thanks Cod - excellent advice here. You are a guru

He goes to bed at 8pm, sometimes 8.15/8.30 if no pre school. You think it's too late?

Ohhhhhh Northener, so with you on this one. Everything I ask DD1 to do I get told 'nooooooo mummy, no'. Even though she ends up doing it we have to have the battle of the wills to start with. It's exhausting, you have my sympathies.

I went through a similar thing with DS (will be 5 in Aug).

Someone on here recommended a book called "1,2,3, - Magic". I found it really helpful. Basically if he does or says something he shouldn't you say 'that's 1' - very calmly, no entering any discussion about it. If he continues or answers back you say "that's 2". He continues and you just say "that's 3 - to the step (or chair or whatever" - the usual 1 minute for each year of age. I found it helps keep ME calm so situation doesn't escalate. Much less shouting in our house now!

Although we did have an incident where I got to "that's 2" and DS hit me (lightly!) and said "that's 3" and took himself off to step! I did wonder then about effectiveness but that was at Xmas and he hasn't done it since. I think he was taking himself out of situation.

ds still like this at age six.. bad behaviour calmed down but like talking to a brick wall.. he doesn't listen when it suits him. It's so very frustrating, so I know how you feel. I turn on the water works occasionally, that's the only way he can see how much he is upsetting me and that stems it for a bit!

buda, my pal used that book and swears by it.. think i may have to nab her copy

Bed time does seem quite late - but it depends when he wakes up, what he was like as a toddler etc.

I think it's important to know how your dp/dh is with you, rather than how he is with ds. Does he thank you for meals, pick up his own stuff, do an adult version of not listening or answering back?

I've seen a flow chart work well for everyday things. Get up, get dressed, get bag ready for preschool, eat breakfast, clean teeth, put on shoes, get chart ticked by mum WATCH TV. or whatever it is you want him to do.

Dh is fab. Won't tolerate cheekiness or tongues or anything, sometimes I think he is a bit too hard on ds - I'm def the softer one.

Dh always says thank you to me, not at all a MCP!

Might try a 7.30 bedtime and see if that improves.

Thanks for the comments - good to know I'm not alone!!

agree on bed time
WAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY too late for a tiny

my 5 year odl is asleep by 7 - also YOU need a break northener.

also dont let him say no to you
its "no thank oyu"