3 week old - will I ever sleep again?

[FirstTimeMa]

I knew having a baby was going to be a challenge but I must admit I wasn't expecting it to be this hard. I love my DS but I'm really struggling to enjoy being a mum. I feel awful as I feel like I should be treasuring every moment but instead I'm praying that the magical '3 months' will get here as fast as possible and that it will actually start to get easier then as everyone seems to say it will. Trying not to think about how I'll cope for the 9 weeks in the meantime.

My little boy just doesn't ever seem to want to sleep. I know you can't get them into a routine so young but we have been trying to give him a bath at 9 each night followed by skin to skin feeding (breastfeeding). We then try to put him in his Moses basket to sleep. Sometimes he goes down but others he just refuses to settle. Last night we were both still awake and in tears at 1am. Even if he does go down at first when he wakes up for early hours feed I can hardly ever get him to go back in Moses basket. The problem seems to be lying him on his back. The Dr has said its colic and prescribed Infacol. I'm not sure if it is colic or just bad wind (or even if they're the same thing). Whatever it is nothing that I do seems to be working and I'm feeling really fed up

I'm breastfeeding as I know that's best but to be honest I'm really not enjoying it. I find it so restrictive and sometimes LO feeds for an hour at a time. Sometimes I wonder if formula feeding would be easier but then I don't want to give up.

My DH is really supportive but he's back at work now so I'm trying to deal with the baby at night to make sure he's not too tired the next day. I'm also worried that he's feeling the same as me so sometimes I'm trying to protect him from my negative feelings.

Not sure why I've posted this as it seems such s terrible thing to admit to but I think I just need to get it out.

I promise I felt exactly the same. It does pass but you can only take one day at a time.

Can you cuddle him to sleep then lay him down? Or I used to let them sleep on my bed then move them once they were sound asleep.

You can do everything and if you're worried about negative sleep props it's fine up to about 12 weeks before it becomes a firm habit.

Can you express for a bottle for your dh to give so you can have a break? I used to feel the same about breastfeeding and stopped but this might pass for you.

Have you told your health visitor or gp how you feel? It's common but good to get it off your chest. Speak to your dh he can probably see how you feel but doesn't want to be the one to bring it up.

Do you have anyone near by?

What you are feeling is perfectly natural. You are exhausted and as much joy there is in parenthood there are also the not so wonderful bits like no sleep. Is there anyone who could help you two over the next few weeks...a mom, sister or friend who could come in to hold the baby while you get a shower and a nap? It would probably make a big difference. Best wishes and congratulations on your little one. It will get easier, really! (:

I'm afraid I don't have any advice, but just wanted to let you know you are not alone.

My DS is 11 days today, also EBF . He also hates his Moses basket and wants boob on tap.

All I can say they can't stay babies forever, and I'm sure that your DS will settle soon.

Hopefully someone will be along soon to give you some good advice, just didn't want to read and run.

All 3 of mine were windy and I used infacol but if you don't get the wind up using that then it hurts their tummys going the other way because it joins all the smaller air bubbles into bigger ones which should be easier for them to burp. I used Boots Gripe Water after reading about it on here side by side infacol and I found that to be helpful.

Also if you stop breastfeeding it's not the end of the world if you find it making you feel worse.

Whatever it takes to get you through is my belief.

Try not to be obsessed with the Moses basket! I was and it lost me precious hours of sleep.
As the others have said, let him go to sleep cuddling or on the bed then move him. He just wants you at that age.
I also used to take DD to bed in the afternoon for a couple of hours.
It will pass !

I really rate dentinox - the burps that DS used to do after taking it were astronomical

Thank you all, it just helps to know I'm not the only one that's felt this way.

Re sleeping I try to wait until he's fast off before putting him down again but most of the time he draws his little legs up and looks really uncomfortable which eventually wakes him again. I think I'm just going to have to let him sleep on me as safely as possible as he looks shattered as well bless him.

My mum isn't far away but she works full time so I don't like to ask too much.

I am going to try expressing although I've been worried about giving it to him in a bottle in case it stops him latching on. Does anyone have experience with this?

You will sleep again! My ds is 16 wks tomorrow so it wasn't that long ago I was where you are. A few things I found helpful:

Gripe water (although think you can only use from one month)
Feeding lying down in bed so you can dose
Don't feel bad about getting dh to help at night, as long as he's getting 6 hrs unbroken sleep he had it easier than me so the rest of his time was fair game.
I expressed in the morning an got dh to give it in a bottle from 4 wks. Some people say don't do this cos of nipple confusion but I was more concerned with getting 5 hrs sleep.
It got a lot better for me at 6 wks so you haven't got that long to go
Only do what you have to - babies don't need a bath every day imo

Good luck, you'll be fine.

for a little while I went to bed at 8 ish and dh stayed up til midnight ish cuddling the newborn. Meant I got a bit of sleep and she stated asleep cos she was cuddled. prepared me for the rest of the night.

keep going it sounds like you are doing great but maybe don't try so hard to get him to sleep as it is frustrating. it will come!

I found 6 weeks to be a bit of a milestone, things got a little easier, then 12. It really is a very, very short time that they are so tiny.

For the first 6 there is naff all you can do so try to accept it, don't do too much and rest when you can. Make sure you wind your baby well (it can take ages!) and watch what you eat (chocolate, strawberries, OJ made mine windy as anything).

I personally would be inclined to stick with breastfeeding if you've cracked it, but I'm quite lazy and found it easier in the long run.

But my best advice is do very little for the first six weeks. Aim to shower and clean your teeth but otherwise feed and gaze, feed and gaze.

Good luck

Have you considered reflux? It could be silent reflux (which means they get heartburn, rather than being sick constantly as in classic reflux). There are some really good websites now that will help you to decide whether the symptoms fit.

I thought it might be silent reflux as a lot of the symptoms seemed to fit but the doctor dismissed it and said it was colic. Might go back again as the first doctor was at walk in centre rather than regular gp.

He is still very tiny, his digestive system is only just learning how to work, and everything in the outside world in strange to him. You are his safe comfort zone, so it is understandable that he wants to be held and to feed all the time.

As other have said it really does start to get better from about 6 weeks, and by 12 life will have a manageable pattern, and your ds will probably be sleeping through.

My advice to to just accept the stage you are at - bfs should take about an hour, and keep winding to make sure he isn't temporarily feeling full due to a bubble of air. The trick is to end a feed when he is completely satisfied, and then he will go a reasonable time to the next one. It is in your interests to avoid him snacking and comfort sucking.

Get a baby carrier. I nearly cracked up before I got one of these! It can be a life saver as most babies will fall asleep in the carrier, which allows you to get on with other things and have a break from entertaining them.

At night, bf lying on your side. You get a rest, and the baby usually has a very calm (almost a dream) feed and is easier to settle afterwards. I also fed lying down in the day if I was particularly tired.

At 3 weeks they have a growth spurt, which nearly breaks most of us as they feed relentless and often (my dd could do 90mins on the boob and be hungry again an hour later), are fussy and are very hard to settle. It lasts at most a week, and is tough, but it isn't permanent. Your milk production will also be naturally increasing to keep up which is turn will exhaust you. I expect you are going through this now, so try to rest and eat/drink more.

If you can stretch to it a cleaner once a week and a stock of ready meals will really help.

Don't leave it too late to introduce a bottle, as if you do they may refuse it. I had a lot of trouble getting dd to take a bottle at 10 weeks. If you express one feed or introduce one formula feed your DH can do the 9pm bath and feed and you can go to bed.

Have you tried swaddling him before his final bf and then laying him down in his basket? Might be worth a try - we used a special swaddling blanket with Velcro to make it easy.

Oh my love. Please don't be so hard on yourself. What worsester said - he is still so very tiny, this is all normal and will pass - soon, I promise! A few weeks ago he was inside you, everything is strange to him and he just wants to be near you. And he needs to feed constantly, his stomach is so litte. Wind him as best you can (him sitting on your lap with your hand under his chin to stretch his neck, rubbing his back might work), and get some sort of sling so that he can cuddle and be near you but your hands are free. I really, really recommend the book Baby Calm, you will find it so helpful. And take it easy on yourself - you are expecting a lot of both him and you. It's ok to be knackered and at your wit's end. Get your partner or parent to take him out for an hour in the pram so you can have a break, and make yourself really comfy on the sofa with biscuits and good tv for the long hours of feeding.

Sorry, one more thought. I did the same as you, tried to protect DH from the nights so he could work. Retrospectively, it was a mistake - I got so tired, and felt lonely and that I couldn't cope. And in fact my days were harder than his! and I needed the rest more. Talk to your DP about how you can support each other - he will adjust, he might feel tired at first working with one waking, but it gets much easier, much faster - if my DH can do it, anyone can! he was rubbish with no sleep but now leaps out of bed to make DD's bottle when she stirs . I know if you're BF you probably will be up too but it's important to have moral support. Or other people have had P do the evening / last feed (once he's a bit older) so they can go to bed early and sleep. I started expressing at 3mo and DD took a bottle from then no problems, perhaps try that once his feeding has settled down a little.

It does get better! I know it's hard work but try just to take it a day at a time or an hour at a time when feeling down. And eat lots of cake :)

My LO is 4.5 months now and they do magically get a lot easier at about twelve weeks. At nine weeks he slept six hours in a row for the first time and I felt like a new woman. Also they just put themselves in a routine by about twelve weeks so don't worry now about trying to establish one.

Yy to getting DP up to help, his day at work is probably easier than yours. Ignore housework, just focus on feeding and sleeping. Put off all visitors for several weeks so you can nap when the baby is napping during the day.

We introduced a nightly bottle of formula at ten weeks which gave me a longer sleep before getting up. (I'd rather have used ebm but couldn't find time to express). We tried him with a bottle younger than that but he wouldn't take it.

I wouldn't give up bf tho unless you feel you really have to. My friends who ff at that age found it just as exhausting: they still have tiny tummies so you still have to feed constantly and end up running up and downstairs to get more bottles while the baby is screaming. Plus bf is magic sleepy dust for babies :)

Re the not wanting to lie flat, defo insist on a referral to paed as (based on my admittedly limited knowledge) does sound like reflux.

All I can do is promise that it really does get better! I was the same at 3 weeks, worrying that I wasn't enjoying being a mum & feeling guilty about it.

I would second the sling suggestion to make your life a bit easier in the day. Also worth getting the possibility of reflux checked out. Getting DH to give a bottle in the evening was invaluable to us as I could get a few hours sleep in - we were mixed feeding but you could do the same with expressed milk. Also just take things half a day at a time. Do you have any family/close friends nearby? The most helpful thing anyone did for me in the early weeks was take DD out in the buggy/sling for an hour or so for me to grab a nap. They were never more than 5-10mins away in case she kicked off but it made such a difference to just have a bit of down time.

Hang on in there! He'll start smiling in a couple of weeks and that really helps too! :)

I can understand how you are feeling completely. It is relentless and you feel so tired. It is normal, don't worry and this time will pass. Sleep when you can, restrict visitors and let other things go for a while until you feel better. Housework can wait. Sorry to use a load of cliches, but they are true.

Don't give up the feeding just yet. Try and get to 6 weeks. I hated feeding, but then suddenly at 6 weeks it got so much easier. I also think that cleaning/sterilising and making up formula is more faff. Make sure you are eating and drinking lots. Chocolate is good. And come on here for support. You will get through this.

I had 2 non sleepers and those first few months were dreadful. I thought i wouldn't survive. i now have a third child who does nothing but sleep. I haven't done anything different, it's just the way he is.

Definitely breastfeed in bed. That way, when DS falls (deeply) asleep and you move him into his moses basket, he isn't changing positions like he would be if you were holding him, iyswim? DD always woke when I moved her from my arms to her moses basket.

Swaddling really worked for us. Stops the startle reflex, and baby feels more snug. Also, we (still) stretch a blanket over dd's legs, tucked into the sides, so she feels more secure - lifting her legs seems to wake her.

Our dd didn't like lying flat so we put some towels under her mattress so her head was slightly higher. For day naps she much preferred her car seat as she wasn't lying flat, and I think the cushioning kept her more snuggled. I know newborns are supposed to spend the majority of their sleep lying down, but if it's only for an hour or two here and there it should be fine.

It's often said that the first 3 months of a baby's life are the 'fourth trimester' - they need to be held, cuddled, fed very frequently etc. It will get easier I promise. And don't worry about spoiling your baby - it's now believed that the more you 'spoil' them earlier on, the more confident and independent they will be.

Get DH involved - your day job is currently as demanding, if not more so, than his. I thought my dh wasn't being very 'hands-on' as I was always the one who went to dd first, day or night. It turns out that he was unsure about doing anything without my say so, bless him. We talked about it and now he's great with her.

Hang I there, you're doing really well and everything you're feeling right now is totally understandable.

Oh, and ignore any baby books that suggests a certain bedtime for your baby. Our breastfed dd stayed up feeding until the early hours for the first few weeks. Then it gradually got earlier and earlier. The more your baby feeds in the early weeks the better your supplies will be.

I could have written your post myself, please know you are not alone in how you feel and you are right to talk about how you feel. My children are now 2 and 4 and like you, after my first I just hadn't expected it to be so much hard work and with the lack of sleep, I felt terrible. I didn't allow dh to get up with me in the night because he had to work, which as somebody else had mentioned, in hindsight, was not the best solution as you're probably more tired than him. Tell him how you feel and don't hide your feelings as this may make you feel worse and more alone.

My dd had terrible colic and nothing really seemed to help, it was a case of riding the storm i'm afraid. Infacol and gripe water helped a little as did trying to feed as upright as possible.

I really didn't enjoy breast feeding either, i used to dread my lil one waking, but I wanted to persevere because I knew I was the best thing. However, after 5 weeks I gave up because I felt my ill one was sensing my unease and I have to say, once I'd got over the guilt (which was ridiculous looking back) it was the best thing I did for both of our sanities. If you're beating yourself up like I did, don't and maybe talk to your HV. Mine was really practical and surprisingly agreed that it was the best thing for me and baby and hearing somebody say "it's ok to stop" was the reassurance I needed. My formula fed babies were much happier with a happy relaxed mummy and of course it has the added benefit for others being able to help.

My dd also didn't sleep very well and hated her Moses basket. She cried all the time, often screaming unconsolably and she would only sleep in my arms which was very tiring and although you need to be careful, do what you need to do. We used to nap 2 or 3 times a day in the armchair together. As for the magic 12 weeks, it didn't happen for me. There was no sleeping through the night, but it does get easier as you start to deal with things better, and trust me you will. The periods of sleep will get longer as your lil one gets bigger. If you're HV does home visits, maybe see if the can visit when dh is home and talk about it together, it may help you both for you to say it and him to hear it and as you suspect he may agree how he's feeling too.

It will get easier, I promise. Xx

I actually wrote a very similar post to you couple nights back as my ds2 (8weeks) was following his older brother in the non sleeping! Unfortunately it didn't get posted but I had a good night last night and no idea if it was fluke or whether my method worked!

I introduced white noise and it seems to have worked a miracle in settling him. Google white noise baby and you'll find out how it works.

Good luck it is horrible being sleep deprived and at 3 wks it's so much harder as there are no smiles yet to keep you going!

Just keep remembering that there are loads of us out there going through exactly the same!