3 week old - will I ever sleep again?

[FirstTimeMa]

I knew having a baby was going to be a challenge but I must admit I wasn't expecting it to be this hard. I love my DS but I'm really struggling to enjoy being a mum. I feel awful as I feel like I should be treasuring every moment but instead I'm praying that the magical '3 months' will get here as fast as possible and that it will actually start to get easier then as everyone seems to say it will. Trying not to think about how I'll cope for the 9 weeks in the meantime.

My little boy just doesn't ever seem to want to sleep. I know you can't get them into a routine so young but we have been trying to give him a bath at 9 each night followed by skin to skin feeding (breastfeeding). We then try to put him in his Moses basket to sleep. Sometimes he goes down but others he just refuses to settle. Last night we were both still awake and in tears at 1am. Even if he does go down at first when he wakes up for early hours feed I can hardly ever get him to go back in Moses basket. The problem seems to be lying him on his back. The Dr has said its colic and prescribed Infacol. I'm not sure if it is colic or just bad wind (or even if they're the same thing). Whatever it is nothing that I do seems to be working and I'm feeling really fed up

I'm breastfeeding as I know that's best but to be honest I'm really not enjoying it. I find it so restrictive and sometimes LO feeds for an hour at a time. Sometimes I wonder if formula feeding would be easier but then I don't want to give up.

My DH is really supportive but he's back at work now so I'm trying to deal with the baby at night to make sure he's not too tired the next day. I'm also worried that he's feeling the same as me so sometimes I'm trying to protect him from my negative feelings.

Not sure why I've posted this as it seems such s terrible thing to admit to but I think I just need to get it out.

I found it easiest to forget about sleep being something that only happened at night - we just went with the flow which really helped.

A couple of suggestions - have you considered cosleeping? I absolutely wasn't going to do it, but it was so much easier in the early days as having my nipple made DD doze, so I could get some sleep. We made the transition to Moses basket at about 12 weeks without any problems and she's now in her cot at 6 months, so it doesn't have to be permanent.

Also, I found baby sleeping bags much better than blankets - you pop them in their bag and feed them, so when you put them into their basket they can't feel the cool sheets through it. Plus they can't kick them off!

If he's having problems getting wind out, look on YouTube for baby massage - cycling their legs can be very rewarding fart-wise, and sometimes it's as simple as that. Gripe water is pretty good, and experiment with different methods of burping - some work better for some babies than others. Oh, and try propping the head end of the Moses basket up a bit (we used my big hardback pregnancy books to do it!) as if it is silent reflux then that should help.

You've done fantastically well to bf up to now, it is very binding but they are only teeny for a little while. You really have a couple of options - accept that at the moment you will be stuck to the sofa feeding and take advantage of it (cuddles, boxed sets, films, being waited on hand and foot!), or you can introduce a bottle to give yourself a break. We introduced one bottle of formula a day at about 6 weeks and it just meant that DH could do bedtime and I got a bit of time to myself. This worked well for us, and we've kept on like that - there's no way I was going to go exclusively to formula, it's such a faff competitively!

It does get so much better, and it happens surprisingly quickly - hang on in there and you'll be out of the other end soon (and wondering where the time went!)

Thanks so much everyone for taking the time to be supportive. It has made me feel much better to know I'm not alone in feeling like this. I was thinking perhaps I just wasn't maternal or cut out for being a mummy.

Feeling much more positive after reading helpful replies, and things always seem better when it's not the middle of the night/twilight hours! Just been round my neighbours for a cuppa - she has a 17wk old so has done this all recently as well. Talking definitely helps!

I think I've been putting pressure on myself and LO to get things done round the house and continue as normal. I need to realise that my place is on the sofa for a bit and just relax. I've lots of food for thought and hopefully after some catch up snoozes I'll feel better equipped to deal with things.

xxx

Sorry I haven't read all the replies, but

Is your little one swaddled - all my three liked being swaddled til about one months, a sheet is fine, t doesn't need to be an expensive wrap.

Put a small book under the head end of the Moses basket stand, it seems to help with wind.

Put a t shirt under your baby that you've been wearing, so that he can smell you.

Hope out have a better night tonight x

Have you tried tummy massage to get the wind out (if it is wind)? Get some olive oil on your fingers and rub the tummy around the tummy button in a clockwise direction. If my DD has wind, I can sometimes actually feel it in her tummy as I rub her. Then cycle the legs.

Swaddling is also good for settling babies.

There are some good tummy massage videos on You Tube. DD has silent reflux and I used to love getting the pumps out !!
Good luck tonight - as you see we have all been there and are still here to tell the tale!

If you think the symptoms fit reflux, you will need to keep going back to the gp, or another more sympathetic one, until they listen. Unfortunately, it totally depends on their experience of it as to helpful they will be. The drawing knees up and waking once you've laid Lo down asleep is particularly relevant. Definitely get dh to do one of the night resettles - I couldn't have done it without dh's help as each feed often required a 90min sitting upright session. I fed and then handed baby over. We watched a lot of tv!

Housework will be virtually impossible in the first few months if it is reflux. Either decide that cuddling the baby is much more important and just sit and enjoy it, or use the front carrier when you need to get stuff done.

Don't expect your baby to be sleeping like others do if it is reflux - the rule book goes out the window and comparisons with other parents who haven't had a refluxer are unhelpful. If you haven't had one, or two.., you simply can't understand what it is like. Do pm me if I can help. I've survived it twice!

Haven't read the whole thread so sorry if I'm repeating. Has Lo been checked for tongue tie? Is there a bfing support group near to you? You can get tongue tie and upper lip tie checked again there. The thing that makes me think it might be tt is the wind. The bfing groups might just help too, sometimes a and some adult company can really help.

Also, are you offering both sides at each feed?

You have my complete sympathy, my DS was tongue tied and upper lip tied and the sleep deprivation was awful. Try to be kind to yourself. If finances allow do your food shopping online and get a cleaner, even if its just for a few weeks.

Will Lo sleep if you put him in bed with you? For us it ended up being the only way we could all get some sleep.

You might like the book Babycalming by Caroline Deacon, I read it before having dc2 and really, really wish I'd read it before having dc1!

Hope you get a better night tonight.

Deffo not just you - it's v v common to feel like this.

How's your little DS's weight gain? Is he well over birth weight now?

It is normal for babies to wake up when put down and also normal to pull up legs - it doesn't nwcessarily indicate pain.

'colic' sugfestion from GP is shotrhand for 'I don't know/ you're a first time mum so I'm going to tune out now la la la laaaaaa...'. Just sayin ;)

I second the co sleeping thing, although pls don't do it in an armchair or sofa - as this is dangerous.

The first few weeks can be utterly miserable and I always found the 3 - 4 wk stage the worst as you seem to have been a mum for aaaggggggges but the magical 6 wk stage is still a long way away.
First, as others have said, give yourself a break and realise that your only job is to keep you and your DS fed. Accept that you're going to spend hours on the sofa so get some DVDs and always make sure you can reach the controls, the phone, a drink & food. And do get ready meals, a cleaner & whatever else you can afford to make your life easier.

Secondly, DC2 would go down in his moses basket from 8pm - 11ish but would then spend the rest of the night in the bouncy chair. He went to sleep a lot faster in that semi-upright position so I did too. I know its not ideal but it worked for us.
Also, I know you say you love your DS but, if you don't then don't worry. Its perfectly normal at this stage! I know some people are instantly besotted with their DC but it took me at least five months with DC1 and 8 weeks or so with DC2 (he just screamed for the first 8 weeks).

At the moment he just needs to bf and be with you. It's a time of no sleep but you will adapt. It's like stepping into a 24/7 job with no breaks or time off. I takes time to get used to this and to work in those moments of rest & relaxation & sleep. Make sure that every else is as stress free as possible.

oP have you read bfing your newborn: what to expect in the early weeks too?

I felt like you op. Sick with tiredness and my heart would sink when I woke up in the morning and remembered my new life. At 12 weeks things became easier. My baby is still a rubbish sleeper but im used to it and day times are easier so it's not so hard. He's nearly one now and this year has gone so quickly. I remember, when he was about two weeks old, my best friend jokingly saying it gets easier at 9 months. I sobbed as that seemed a lifetime away. Time passes and you'll be fine but it is hard. Most people find it hard so you're far from alone.

Short answer: yes, you will sleep again. It will get a lot better.
I felt exactly the same or worse than what you describe. Couldn't imagine surviving another day, let alone weeks or months. It gets much better, much easier, don't worry. It's all far harder than anybody ever tells you in advance - it's a bit of a scam really - so don't think you're failing. It WILL take a few more weeks before anything really starts to settle down but just do what you need to to survive each day, that's really all you need to manage. Lie down on the sofa / in bed, feed your baby for 17 hours straight while snoozing or watching TV (I know the HV will tell you what I just said is tantamount to murder but that's bollocks).

If you find you're feeling emotionally worse and worse (or no better) after another week or two, speak to your GP about PND. It sounds a bit like that's where you're heading, which is very scary but very treatable. I had it bad (I was nearly sectioned under the mental health act) but after I got treatment things got much better very quickly (and so did my sleeping!).

Look after yourself. This time is absolute boot camp. It's frankly not very enjoyable no matter how much you love your baby. But it does pass, much sooner than you think, and it will all be much brighter for you.
xx

Thanks so much again everyone for your kind messages. Things have been better over the last couple of days. We've introduced a dummy at nighttime and it's worked wonders. LO now sleeps in his Moses basket for at least a few hours each night and usually goes down again much easier after the early hours feed. I didn't really want to use a dummy but it seems.to soothe him and I'm willing to try anything! We also saw an osteopath and we're trying to put her recommendations into practise as well.

I still can't put him down in.the daytime but I've listened to.what everyone has said and I'm now spending the afternoons on the sofa feeding and being snoozed on. I've got a viewing schedule planned from 12 to 5!

Thanks again for all advice x

So glad that things are better! You will end up addicted to House Gift/ Dickenson's Real Deal as I did.
A dummy helped DD too and she still fed fine .

Our little one was 12 weeks last week and it does get easier. She has actually been a good sleeper except for after feeds she would suffer so much. We tried Infacol, Gripe Water, Infant Gaviscon but what has worked for us is Colief and using comfort formula for her formula feeds (we are mixed feeding). She also loves to be held in the tiger in the tree position and we have head of Moses basket raised 30 degrees. Even now if she's had a bad night when she is down for a nap (we have a second Moses basket downstairs I just pop her in) I lie straight down on the sofa for a nap as I just find everything so much easier if I have had plenty of sleep.

And when I say Colief worked for us I mean it changed things overnight! But Infant Gaviscon was a nightmare whereas I know it's worked for others so if it really is a windy/refluxy problem worth trying things one by one.