CAUGHT DD WITH CIGARETTE!!!! ADVICE PLEASE!!!

[louise35]

Last night I was downstairs in the living room and suddenly got the smell of cigarettes. I went upstairs to my 11 year old DD'd room and the room was full of smoke. I asked her where the cigarette was and she had the cheek to deny that she'd had one. I finally found out that she's thrown it out of her window as she'd heard me coming up and I found it burning on the grass below. She had stolen it from my DH's coat pocket which was in the back of the car with her when we had been out for a ride. I am absolutely furious with the pair of them, my DH was supposed to have stopped smoking over a year ago but I have suspected he has been sneaking them, but to leave his coat with cigrettes in the pocket where she could get them in my opinion is unforgivable. I am feeling really resentful of DH at the moment and I cannot even bear to look at him apart from giving him dirty looks, but the problem is I really don't know how to deal with DD. She swears she's never done it before but I don't know what to believe. Its breaking my heart that she might be going down the smokers path. Please, I need some advice from anyone else who has caught their kids doing this.

Hi,

I fully understand that you are angry about dh and dd smoking behind your back. I have had this from my own dh and thought it might help you to know that things can change. It took mine a few years to give up. Problem is twofold. 1. they have to actually want to stop; 2. the 'circle of addiction' - can't remember the details but this is something common to all addictions - they have to think about it, try it, fail, think about it again etc three times before they manage to stop failing!

Now, looking back, I feel I could have been more sympathetic with my dh. It is a genuine addiction and just because I found it pointless, expensive etc and managed to give up easily didn't mean he found it easy to tow the line. (Again, I was more of a social smoker and his was a bit more entrenched)

If he is keen to stop there is a chap in Hebden Bridge, West Yorkshire (Morningside clinic) who does some kind of wierd acupuncture-related nylon implant in your ear. I know about three people who've had this done and it's worked for them several months or years on. It costs about £80 which I thought was pricey until I weighed it up against how much it costs to smoke.

As far as dd, she knows you hate it, she'll still try it a few times with friends but knowing you are very anti-smoking will probably restrict her from trying enough times to make it a habit. I went through it at the same age. The best thing anyone could do for her would be your dh showing some great modelling behaviour by talking to her about it and then succeeding in giving up. You and he need to approach this as a team - she would have done it sooner or later with or without access to his cigarettes.

Good luck

i haven't read the whole tread but echo Edam. A freind of mine's brother was made to smoke a pack of cigarettes by his dad until he was sick at a similar age and it put him totally off the idea. i have no direct experience myself though as can't even stand the smeall of cigarettes, let alone try one.

There is an interesting study reported in the Guardian which has found that even a single cigarette smoked by a child could open up the reward pathway and lead to smoking in later life. So the conclusion is that these children should be targetted by anti smoking campaigns.

\link{http://www.guardian.co.uk/science/story/0,,1782403,00.html\ article here}

My parents were very anti-smoking when I was young, but even so I smoked from 13-19 years old. I think it depends on what kind of social circle the child winds up in, rather than parental values. Unfortunately, kids tend to care more about what their mates think than their parents.

I wouldn't rely on the affects on appearance and smell to put kids off. They think it won't happen to them.

If just 1 parent smokes, there's a 40% chance that the kids will, and 80% chance if both parents smoke. For me it was this thought of jeopardising my kids' choices that made me give up, years before my DS was even born. In a situation like yours, I'd reiterate this to mine letting him know that I quit because I loved and cared for him so much. I'd also make him aware that 3 of my grandparents died awful deaths as a results of smoking, so he'd associate that with every cigarrette he'd come into contact with.

Also, I think I would be tempted to try the technique of forcing my DS to inhale a whole cigarrette until he vomitted if I caught him smoking in the future. In hindsight, this would have certainly put me off!

i would be equally concerned that she had been going through dh pockets.if you caught her stealing money from his pockets would you blame him for leaving it there ?

A lady I know of took her kid who'd been caught smoking to a ward full of lung cancer patients. She said it scared the hell out of he daughter and she didn't end up smoking again.

I was a smoker from 14 til 34 and I started just after my father (a smoker) died of smoking related cancer of the mouth. I knew it was the cigarettes that caused it and yet both my brothers and I became smokers so I don't think scare tatics work. I had friends whose parents were very strict and they smoked behind their parents backs. My mother was lenient and I smoked in front of her. I really don't think there is much you can do if she wants to smoke, just make sure she has the facts. Now I am a parent I often wonder what I can do to stop my children smoking but I think the best I can do is not smoke myself.

I was a smoker from 14 til 34 and I started just after my father (a smoker) died of smoking related cancer of the mouth. I knew it was the cigarettes that caused it and yet both my brothers and I became smokers so I don't think scare tatics work. I had friends whose parents were very strict and they smoked behind their parents backs. My mother was lenient and I smoked in front of her. I really don't think there is much you can do if she wants to smoke, just make sure she has the facts. Now I am a parent I often wonder what I can do to stop my children smoking but I think the best I can do is not smoke myself.

My stepdad smoked, I hated and it and I hated him. He also drank copious amounts of coffee. Now the smell of coffee and cigarettes reminds me of him and I detest both of them. Dh smokes and it drives me nuts, he doesn't understand why I feel so strongly about it. But then as I've discovered, he's not the understanding type.

Why why why with the zombie thread?! This is 10 years old!