HURTING THE DOG PLEASE HELP

[MySonIsMyWorld]

My ds is 2 in May, he is always hurting out poor old little yorkie i mean really hurting him, punching, smacking him on the head with things, pulling his ears, poking his eyes etc etc is his VILE to him and i blame my ex (he used to be vile to our poor little dog too) everytime i tell ds off for doing it he laughs at me, i push him down and ignore him, he does it again and again and agian. My dog is 16 yesterday he had another stroke, he is in his last weeks of life and i am sick of ds treating him like this, any advice?

I despair.

Poor dog, poor boy.
Poor mum.

Wow, I think some people have forgotten what 2 yo are like.

This is a very young child, and a very old dog. That's not a good combination. If the dog is so elderly that his quality of life is minimal, I think having him put down would be the kindest thing all round. If he still have some oomph in him, maybe ask your mum to look after him till the end. The one you can't really do, as others have said, is leave the two sharing the same living space. Does your dog have a safe haven in your house (crate/ bed in cloakroom for example)?

It can take a very long time and a LOT of repetition to get the message across to some babies. My son was like this- he never seemed to learn from mistakes, even ones that meant he hurt himself. He was impulsive and prone to ignoring us entirely. He was also bordering on hyperactive. He had little empathy for anything, although he wasn't especially violent.

With a lot of patience (and sometimes not so much ) and a lot of repetition, and a great many years, he learned to be less impulsive and not to do things because they were a bad idea, rather than because he hadn't actually killed himself yet. He is now 19 and is a pretty model citizen tbh (2nd year engineering student, doesn't drink, doesn't do drugs, GSOH, generally nice person).

Hang in there, OP, deploy all the patience you can, make your boy gets as much exercise as possible (daily run in the park?), keep his mind stimulated, read to him as much as possible (stories about dogs since he seems to like them?), explain to him at every opportunity why he shouldn't hurt the doggy, show him how to treat the dog well (if you decide to keep him) and remove DS to a boring place the moment he looks like he might turn nasty, repeating ad nauseam that it is not OK to hurt the dog and he is not allowed anywhere near him if he's going to misbehave. Bringing up children is not a sprint, it's a marathon, and a flipping long one at that...

as everyone has said, keep them separate. we had similar issues with dd1 and the cat, she loved the cat but as though she were a toy rather than an animal; not helped by my reacting to her hurting the cat, as she then saw being rough with the cat as a way to get my attention. it is taking a long time for dd to reach an understanding about how to behave with animals, she is over 4 now and still gets so excited that she forgets to be gentle sometimes - your son may be like this, so it may be better for you to find somewhere else for your dog to live out his last days if you can't keep them separate. (sadly,my cat died before dd reached a level of self control around her, so the end of her life was less peaceful than it should have been).

i hope you can resolve it. i think you just need to remove your son from the situation every time he interacts with the dog in a way you don't like. he will get it in the end but it could take another year, which might not be fair to your dog.

Ok, i apoligise for the fuck off comment.
I was just pissed off with the way people have slated me when i was asking for ideas.... reading posts now il reply as i read

thanks for everyone who has been nice to me i really appreciate it x

duchesse - i disagree with your "forgetting what 2 year olds are like" comment, I have had a dog since before DD2 was born, one that passed away when she was about 15m and another that we got a few months after this. At no time was she vile to the dog - im not saying she didn't want to be over affectionate and need telling to leave the dogs in peace however at no time did she "punch, smack him on the head with things, poke his eyes" That is not the normal over enthusiasm that young children often display with dogs.

OP you say your ex was vile to the dog as well :( I can see why he is your ex - was he also vile to you and your DS? Your DS may well be responding to a stressful environment with this behaviour and you need to take it seriously. It is not your DS fault but maybe you need some support with this?

As for the dog - 16 is a great age, have you considered that he may have had enough now? Sad for you i know, but it may be kinder to put the dog to sleep, especially if you cannot provide him with a restful home.

Whilst I fully understand the feelings behind OP's nickname, I do think that her son has to learn to live in the world with people, and dogs, for whom he is not their world. I have to say that if any of my children's friends treated our dog in any way like that described, even at 2 or nearly 2, they would be going home immediately and would not not be coming back to our house. what is more I would warn other dog owning parents about the child in question. The child would suffer some ostracism even though the root cause of the problem was a failure of basic discipline and control by parents. It is vital that children learn, and they can even at this age, if taught, that dogs need their own space which is inviolable. I agree with everybody who says that you really have to insist that "No" means exactly that.

OP I agree with previous posters about keeping the dog and the child apart for the dog's remaining time. The dog is probably frightened of your DS and just needs his few remaining weeks to be peaceful.

The problem with your DS isn't just about dogs is it? It is about the fact that he is control, not you.

If Supernanny came into your house she would have you putting your DS in time out over and over again for hours if necessary until he accepted your authority and stayed there. That's because children need to understand that if an adult gives them a clear instruction they must obey. They need to understand this so that they are safe, can feel secure and can develop socially acceptable behaviour.

There are lots of better ways to manage behaviour than to use sanctions like offering attention and praise for behaviour that you want to see but in the end you still need to be in charge. You are the adult in your house and you need to teach your son that you mean what you say.

Try to manage your DS's behaviour by supervising him, playing with him, distracting him and offering positive reactions when he is behaving nicely. Decide some strategies for managing his behaviour when is it repeatedly unacceptable. These strategies need to be simple, swift, reasonable and preferably a natural consequence of his behaviour. Once you have imposed a sanction of any sort, e.g. he is throwing food so cannot remain seated at the table, stick to your guns. Don't give up because he laughs or ignores you. If he gets back up keep getting him back down, even if it takes an hour, until he accepts that he cannot overrule you.

Does that make sense? Once you have established that you are in charge you will feel more able to deal with the difficult situations like the one with the dog.

Please, please don't make the dog part of the activity which establishes that you are in charge. He would find it horribly stressful and would inevitably end up hurt. Give up on controlling your son around the dog and just protect it by keeping them apart. Work on something else instead and then when he is a little older teach your son to treat animals with respect for their benefit and his safety.

HTH