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Behaviour/development

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Original poster

Remove dummy at 4 months or wait til 2 years old?

38 replies

Hoopoe · 08/05/2006 12:22

Huge apologies if this has been asked before. I tried searching the archives but get 90000 matches and none of the topics seem pertinent!

My dd is only 11 weeks old, but it's very clear that she won't go to sleep without her dummy. I tried really hard not to let her get used to it, but she just loves it. Having read a few threads about taking dummies away I'm anxious to make it as pain free for her as possible. My MIL's attitude is that if she wants it, why not let her have it - for as long as she wants. I'm inclined to get rid of it in a few weeks when she's maybe 4 months old, or I could wait til she's 2 and can understand about the dummy fairy.

What do people think? Easier now or wait? Or do I even need to remove it and just wait for her to decide she doesn't want it (even if it means til she's 53 )?

OP posts:

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HunKeRMunKeR · 08/05/2006 12:25

Personally, I don't mind them having dummies when they sleep for as long as they need them.

What I don't particularly like seeing is dummies in all day - the "plugged in and playing" toddler look. And toddlers who talk through them too.

Just depends how strict you think you can be about them only being for sleep time.

Having said that, both mine suck digits (DS1 two fingers, DS2 has found his thumb in the last few weeks), and I can't take those off them without social services being involved, so they can suck them whenever they want!

supakids · 08/05/2006 12:26

leave it till later. Her comfort is her dummy at the moment but later she will have other distractions other than the ceiling

supakids · 08/05/2006 12:27

Yes there is the issue of replacing Dummy with fingers, its easier to know where the dummy has been and keep it relatively clean, but those fingers oooooooooooh who knows which nooks and crannies they have been in!!!!!

schneebly · 08/05/2006 12:28

I would only give it to her for sleep and let her keep it until she can understand.

HunKeRMunKeR · 08/05/2006 12:29

Ah, it's all about building immunity though, Supakids (that's what I tell myself anyway!).

I sucked my fingers till I was about eight and...(VVV'll love this) "it never did me any harm"

Also don't like seeing parents pick up a dropped dummy, suck it "clean" and put it back in the baby's mouth - bleeeee!

starlover · 08/05/2006 12:31

oh no i have sucked dummy clean! but only when it's had something mankier than my mouth on it and he's screaming for it...

supakids · 08/05/2006 12:33

I used to carry a few around with me so if one hit the deck it was replaced by a clean one. I then resorted to the clip on the jumper type, that helped a lot. Yeah the fingers thing, you just cant chuck em away can you my sister is 35 and still sucks her thumb eeeeeeew!

Chandra · 08/05/2006 12:34

We removed it when DS was about 4m old because of his eczema, and he cried for weeks. Wish I have removed it a bit earlier. Especially after he went in the too common phase of releasing the dummy as he fell asleep and the wake up because he couldn't find it/put it back in his mouth.

But hyes, thery take into other things to replace the dummy, DS is already 3yr old and can't sleep without wearing a sock over his hand!

starlover · 08/05/2006 12:36

yes i do try and make sure i always have at leawst one spare to avoid the "to suck or not to suck" dilemma!
ds won't have one of the clips on, he gets very agitated and yanks and it and cries until i take it off. strange child

madamechocolat · 08/05/2006 12:41

I'm going through dummy withdrawal with my 3 year old ( who only has it for naps and has done since 12 months old). However my sisters and I sucked our fingers as children and had horrendous orthodontic problems as a result. This made me pro-dummy but I don't think there's any ideal situation. Not much help am I really!!!

LittleB · 08/05/2006 12:42

My HV suggested removing dummies at 4 months as this is when their sleep patterns change and they will tend to wake up when they realise they've droppped it and shout for you to put it back for them. my friends ds does this and wakes her up several times a night. Mind you my dd doesn't have a dummy, but she deos have a muslin she rubs on her face as a comforter, luckily this is easy enough for her to find in her cot and doesn't wake her when she drops it. I also sucked my fingers until I was 10, and the two I sucked have weaker nails and are a bit flattened!

Olihan · 08/05/2006 12:42

I had the same dilemma with ds, didn't really want to give him one but b/f was a nightmare and I caved in. We took it away when he was 5 months, he cried for 2 nights and has never needed any kind of comforter since. It was hellish getting rid of it, sitting by his cot for a couple of hours while he screamed until he was too tired to stay awake but it was worth it.
Having said that, dd also has a dummy and at 8 months I haven't had the heart to get rid of it yet. I think it'll be a dummy fairy job when she's 2!!
I think it's probably easier to do it sooner rather than later if you really want to get rid, BUT you will need nerves of steel.

Bobalina · 08/05/2006 13:10

I have 2 dds, 2.5yrs and 1.5yrs. My eldest had a dummy and still does. My youngest, I took it away from her at 4 months. I'm actually quite pro dummy as my youngest developed a love affair with her bottle instead and seems to use that as a replacement dummy which is a major pain. The only awful time I had with my first was when she was little and the dummy would fall out. I was up maybe 10 times a night replacing it. That's why when dd 2 came along I vowed to get rid of the dummy. Now they are older though, the dummy is not a problem and sometimes wish dd2 had one intead of the dreaded bottle. I'm a firm believer in every child needing some kind of comforter and there are pros and cons with all. I aim to be rid of the dummy et al by the time they are 3!

Twiglett · 08/05/2006 13:11

4 months .. no question

DumbledoresGirl · 08/05/2006 13:12

Get rid of it now. She doesn't need it.

lazycow · 08/05/2006 13:17

I took ds's dummy away at 4 months and he sucked his thumb instead - so beware. I now can't take his thumb away (which I could with a dummy) and find myself having to wash/wipe his hands before he goes in the car/pushchair on the way home from the park as the thumb goes straight in the mouth.

lazycow · 08/05/2006 13:19

mrsdil · 08/05/2006 14:35

I took my sons dummy away when he was 7 months old. It was getting too difficult waking up all night long putting it back in his mouth as he would cry for it.

It only took me three days of no sleep to get him used to not having it but it was worth it!

My mum said i was cruel and didnt speak to me for 2 weeks after i did it!

Pruni · 08/05/2006 14:41

My friend took her 2 yr old to the dentist for the first time. Immediately he said "Ah I see she has a dummy". She only had it at night but it had altered the shape of her teeth.

We did cold turkey at 4 months. It took a couple of days. It's worth a try, and worth rocking her to sleep a bit more than you normally would...just think, it's one less thing to think about, one less thing to carry when you go somewhere, one less worry about germs/teeth/other people's responses (if that would worry you).

I sucked my thumb until I was 15 btw - and still do sometimes, in private, if I'm really tired and can't switch off - PMSL I have never written that before and it looks sooooo weird but I assure you I am pretty normal.

[honest face]

starlover · 08/05/2006 14:43

i'm scared to take ds's dummy away in case he starts thumbsucking instead.

at least I can control dummy usage and get rid of it when he's a bit older.
he is 15 months atm and he only has it for bedtime

Original poster

Hoopoe · 09/05/2006 12:13

Thanks for all the replies!

So it seems that if I take her dummy away at 4 months, I risk her replacing it with her fingers, which I think is quite likely since she likes sucking on her hands. On the other hand, if I let her have it until she's a toddler I'll have to get up a million times a night to pop it back in.

So I think my modus operandi is to keep putting her to bed without it and only giving it to her when she cries for it. You never know - she may stop wanting it in a couple of weeks... ahem. Then if she starts wanting it all through the night I may think again about taking it away. Otherwise the dummy fairy will pay a visit when she's a toddler.

Here's hoping she just stops wanting it...

OP posts:

brimfull · 09/05/2006 12:16

through it away now,ds used to suck his thumb he's 3.5 and is doing it less and less,it's not always a lifelong habit.

spursmum · 09/05/2006 13:06

DS used to have a dummy, I started to hide it during the day as I can't stand the 'Plugged in and play' look (LOL)At about 2 1/2 years he just didn't want it again. No tantrums, nothing.

rummum · 09/05/2006 13:08

I'd leave it till later... you'll probably go through a stage where it falls out at night and you have to go and put it back it several times.. but it is a comfort for her...

I must admit I hate children who have it plugged in all the time.. one toddler had one in swimming the other day.. whats that all about!

wessexgirl · 09/05/2006 13:36

Dd1 is 2 and we are losing the dummies when we get back from holiday this month. I just couldn't have done it until she was old enough to talk about it and understand that big girls don't need dummies to sleep. Now she seems pretty well-prepared and has even said that dd2 can have them (but she doesn't like them and sucks her fingers instead, lol).

I'm sure we'll have a few rough nights at first but I wanted to wait until I could explain that she isn't a baby anymore and so doesn't need to suck on things so much.

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