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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Remove dummy at 4 months or wait til 2 years old?

38 replies

Hoopoe · 08/05/2006 12:22

Huge apologies if this has been asked before. I tried searching the archives but get 90000 matches and none of the topics seem pertinent!

My dd is only 11 weeks old, but it's very clear that she won't go to sleep without her dummy. I tried really hard not to let her get used to it, but she just loves it. Having read a few threads about taking dummies away I'm anxious to make it as pain free for her as possible. My MIL's attitude is that if she wants it, why not let her have it - for as long as she wants. I'm inclined to get rid of it in a few weeks when she's maybe 4 months old, or I could wait til she's 2 and can understand about the dummy fairy.

What do people think? Easier now or wait? Or do I even need to remove it and just wait for her to decide she doesn't want it (even if it means til she's 53 )?

OP posts:

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Gem13 · 09/05/2006 13:39

Friend reomoved it at 6 months and had a couple of hours of restlessness at bedtime but that was it!

SIL took her children's (all 4 of them) away at a Christmas around age 3. Children left it for Father Christmas who took it away on Christmas Eve.

Seemed to work out well for both families.

I can't talk. I have 2 diehard thumbsucker/hair-twirlers!

Noggermum · 09/05/2006 13:55

You might not be up a million times a night Hoopoe. have had the same problem with DD2 - DD1 never had a dummy cos she never needed one - I had all the time in the world to cuddle her instead if she needed comfort. Had no time at all with DD2 and relied on dummy just to get some sleep! Between about 6 and 8 months old she woke up crying for her dummy - but never more than 2x a night and it was a quick re-insert and off she went. After that she was capable of finding her own and am now never woken up - she does 12 hours straight almost every night. Do have to put about 5 dummies in the cot though just to make sure she finds one!

Tried removal at 3 months but gave up as was too knackered to deal with the crying. Not pro-dummy but figure its OK just for sleeping and will remove it at 2.....HOPEFULLY! I am upfront about the fact that the dummy is more for me than it is for her and yes, it is a problem that i have created ...but aren't almost all child dilemmas!

Original poster

Hoopoe · 09/05/2006 14:20

Thanks Noggermum - I'll live in hope... I just don't think I have the strength to go through crying, even if it is only for a couple of days.

I swore my kids would never have dummies and I think I lasted about 2 weeks before I caved!

My mum had a rule with us that we were only allowed our dummies as long as we lay down in bed with them. We got really bored and soon stopped asking for them.

OP posts:

Bozza · 09/05/2006 14:41

Personally I don't buy the hygiene argument for dummies. I have seen loads of toddlers drop their dummy out of their mouth into whatever/wherever, pick it up and stick it straight back in. And if you are strict about it only being for nap/bedtime (an argument I do buy) then surely you would put your child to bed with clean hands?

My friend's DD who is 2 has her teeth shaped by the dummy. But then, of course, the same could have happened if she sucked her thumb.

I disagree that all children need a comforter. My DS has never had anything. He has never sucked his thumb/fingers and never attached to an object. My DD has never sucked anything either but is a bit of a hair twirler. She nearly always goes to bed with a soft toy but it has varied between bear, rabbit, elephant, piglet etc and is currently a large Manx cat (although that was also rejected last night and she had nothing) but at one stage was a playfood tub of peanut butter. This does not show children without comforters to be well-adjusted, does it?

VeniVidiVickiQV · 09/05/2006 16:51

Grrrrr Hunker

wishingchair · 09/05/2006 17:00

Just wanted to add that my dd had a dummy from about 4 months (when I suddenly realised that she'd sleep in the day if she had one = bliss!), but only at sleep times. She never woke up when it fell out of her mouth ... she just needed it to drop off. And when she got to about 18 months, lost interest altogether and I took it away without her even realising. So I don't think every child is all or nothing and it doesn't always culminate in a hideous withdrawl at 2.

jambot · 09/05/2006 17:39

If you're worried about her replacing it with her thumb, give her a little 'tag' blankie instead. My dd has slept with a small fleece blanket that has silky tags attached around it. She loves this thing and strokes the silk when she is going to sleep. If she is ever upset or moaning on a long journey, I give her the blanket to hold(only the size of a handkerchief) and it calms her immediately. To get her used to it, place it against your shoulder when you are feeding or cuddling her to let her start to associate it with you and comfort, and then put it in their hands when you lay them down. I swear by this thing and always give them as gifts to my pregnant friends.

kiera · 09/05/2006 17:45

lol my ds is 2 1/2 and still has his, but only for bed-time/naps or if he's out in the buggy and tired (ie about to nap). My opinion is why take it away from them if they get so much comfort from it and it helps them get to and stay asleep - my ds has slept through all night (apart from when unwell) since he lost his night bottle at around 9 months old. He'll have it for as long as he needs it : )

yomellamoHelly · 09/05/2006 17:59

Waited 'til ds firmly established in his sleep routines before taking it away. (He only ever had it in his cot.) Had one bad night and then he was fine.

girlchick · 11/05/2006 09:41

My DS had a dummy and it worked wonders in the first 3 months, he was the perfect baby. Then he decided he couldn't get to sleep unless he had the dummy and for a further 3 months he woke hourly screaming for his dummy, although I didn't know that was what it was at the time. I went through hell and back trying to figure out why he was waking hourly overnight, I was exhausted and depressed. I tried the gradual moving away chair technique, tried pick up put down, tried controlled crying. Nothing worked. I even considered getting a night nanny! My health visitors were useless, they just kept getting me to fill in questionnaires to see if I had PND! Then I read the Ferber book as a last resort, a complete last resort, and realised that it was the dummy causing all the problems. My Mum and little sister offered to take time off work to look after DS during the day whilst I caught up on sleep, and I began what I thought would be a complete nightmare week of crying. I did the usual bedtime routine, but put him to bed WITHOUT the dummy. The first night, I let him cry for 5 mins before checking on him, then 10 mins then every 15 mins. He was asleep within 45 mins and slept pretty much all the way through!!!!!! The second night, you're supposed to increase to 10 mins, 15 then every 20 mins but I decided to stick with the first night rules as it worked so well. After 3 nights, DS completely forgot about the dummy and has slept perfectly (excluding when ill or teething) ever since. The naps during the day were worse and took a good couple of weeks for him to get used to it without a dummy. Now he has to have a muslin to chew on, but that's easy to find and I know it's bed/naptime when he takes his sock off and chews on it! Would I use a dummy with the next one? Depends if it's a sucky baby, but I might try using my little finger instead and removing said finger just before s/he goes to sleep.

jessicaandrebeccasmummy · 11/05/2006 09:50

Jess has her dummy for sleeps only. She is 2 in july, and i think i will start to wean her off it after her birthday, when she is able to understand a bit more.

Becky is 7 months and has hers whne she needs it - she prefers to play with it or suck her fingers during the day, so it is really only used for sleeps anyway. Once she hits 11 months - same as jess was, i will restrict it to sleep only.

Original poster

Hoopoe · 11/05/2006 16:28

Wow - thanks for all the replies!

Jambot - I've bought a tag blanket cos that sounds like a really good idea with all the different textures. If she likes it I'll buy another 300 just in case she loses it... The muslin idea is also good.

DD went to sleep last night without a dummy!! Ha! I've been removing it as soon as she's asleep hoping that she won't get used to sleeping with it. I figure the look of pure bliss she gives me when she's got it is enough to convince me she can have it for a few more months. She really only wants it when she's tired anyway...

OP posts:

clumsymum · 11/05/2006 16:41

Is my son the only child who gave up his dummy by himself? He was 4 months old, and suddenly went from having a dummy nearly all the time, to spitting it out whenever he was given it, just like that.

He's 6 now, and never thumb sucked either, altho he does bite his nails, just like his father.

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