Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

How old was your DC when they started to play with (instead of alongside) other kids?

31 replies

Machadaynu · 15/02/2013 14:02

Not much to add to the title, really - just wondering how old your DC was when (s)he started playing with others. The kid will happily play alongside others, and says she likes them and calls them friends, but pre-school say she doesn't play with them, and seem to think this is an issue. She's only 3.7 though, so I'd have thought that to be perfectly normal?

Just after your experiences. She's an only one, and didn't go to any child-care before pre-school, and so until she started she didn't see large groups of other children.

Thanks in advance.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

TheSkiingGardener · 15/02/2013 14:07

Ds is 2.8 and will play more alongside children his age. His best friend is 3.4 though and they now play together but that has been quite recent. I'd say I'd expect them to be playing together comfortably by 4-ish, but working up to it before then.

sannaville · 15/02/2013 14:07

Dd is 3.6 and doesn't either preschool also flagged this with us

Original poster

Machadaynu · 15/02/2013 16:07

Thanks both. It's useful to get another perspective when you have no-one really to compare with?

sannaville - may I ask what the PS have said they want to do about it, if anything?

OP posts:

colditz · 15/02/2013 16:08

Um.... Ds2 was about three, I think. Ds1 doesn't count.

BabyRoger · 15/02/2013 16:11

My DD is 3.8 and I have noticed she is now definitely playing with other kids. She has been doing this, I would say, for about the last 6 months.

MrsMushroom · 15/02/2013 17:55

DDs were both 3 and a half which was when they began preschool. I think that 3.7 is still quite young....but if they're not joining in by around 4, it might mean a problem with socialisation....but that can be helped along.

SpottyTeacakes · 15/02/2013 18:00

Dd is 2.7 and does this with her 'friend' who's a year older but with others the same age it's more swapping toys, following each other about when running and fighting over toys

BackforGood · 15/02/2013 18:03

As others have said, it's a gradual process - sort of evolves, but I'd expect 3 and 1/2 yr olds to be playing with other children more than alongside.

sannaville · 15/02/2013 20:00

Hi again, tbh dd had issues flagged before she went to preschool. Her speech had previously been delayed (although caught up by time she started PS) and she was terribly anxious and seeing a pead. I knew she didn't particularly like other kids but figured it was part of her anxiety, PS just gently encourage. Dd also has awful separation anxiety still which doesn't help matters.

If we have a child over to the house she won't take any interest in the slightest!

BarbarianMum · 15/02/2013 20:07

I have 2 sons and they started playing with as well as alongside from about 3.5 but it was a good year before it became the norm.

It also depends a bit on the personality of the child. One of mine is quite content at times to play independently, even if other children are around, esp if he is making something and doesn't want anyone else interfering to help.

lolalotta · 15/02/2013 20:49

My DD has just turned 3, she plays WITH other children, but this has developed only quite recently...

JoyceDivision · 15/02/2013 20:51

Hi Machadaynu, I had these same concerns at nursery, and the staff were really good. Basically, they explained that up til about 4 or children are like atoms, there can be lots of them in a space, but often they'll bounce around each other in theor own little games, rather forming proper friendships, think this happens more reception class / year one

Original poster

Machadaynu · 16/02/2013 09:42

Thanks all for your replies - I guess most kids are starting, or already playing with other kids by her age, but to not be is not way off the scale.

She's perfectly sociable with us - she is empathetic, considerate, polite etc (she genuinely had a tear in her eye this morning when she and I prepared breakfast because there are no Crunchy Nut Cornflakes left - "What will mummy have? They're her favourites!" she said) I think maybe it's because she only goes two days a week and sees different kids each time as they all go on different days? But then I don't suppose that is unusual?

OP posts:

MrsMushroom · 16/02/2013 09:54

My older dd was definitely shy....playdates helped. As soon as she could associate her nursery friends with the safety of home, she interacted more.

What you describe re the cornflakes seems very encouraging! Does she point and do pretend play? As in making believe one item is another one....a shoe or a box for a boat for example?

Original poster

Machadaynu · 16/02/2013 10:14

She pretend plays all the time - one of her favourite activities is making up her own Mr Men books in which she creates her own characters and gives them their own voices - she marches up and down the room telling her own stories, but she also has toys which she makes up her own stories for - and though I say so myself they are good stories - they have plot and usually some humour.

She isn't really shy either, she's happy to be left at pre-school and not clingy - on the odd occasion she has been she's been ill a day or so later so probably coming down with it when she was - but even then it's just "I don't want to stay at pre-school today" but then she's been fine as soon as we've left. When I take her to a singing/dancing thing she talks to the leaders but ignores the other kids too though. Sometimes I end up chatting to another toddler while the kid talks to their mum ... Perhaps she just doesn't like kids? :)

OP posts:

HilaryClinton · 16/02/2013 10:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsMushroom · 16/02/2013 11:03

Re pretend play...it's a complicated thing but "real" pretend play is having the ability to imagine one object is another...children on the spectrum can often invent scenarios and play with figures, making up stories etc. The ability to pretend some cotton wool is an icecream for example....that's what is generally looked for.

Original poster

Machadaynu · 16/02/2013 13:16

She loves cars but lost Lightning McQueen for ages - at the age of 2 she had another car that was "pretend McQueen". She also imagines our front room is a garage ans she pretends (mimes) diagnosing and fixing their faults. When we took our car to the real garage (the one she pretends she is in) she got upset. She said it was because the real garage wasn't as good as her pretend one. She also pretends she is all sorts of things - normally Octonauts based - she is Peso today but was a collosal squid earlier, for example. When she is in character she does different voices.

OP posts:

Magdalena45 · 16/02/2013 20:01

Love the cereal thing, what a sweetie. I wouldn't worry: there may be "norms" but they are only guidelines. My dd did loads of stuff on the later side (walk, talk) but when she started she did it quick!
And when she was a baby, the health visitor kept asking if she was laughing yet (she wasn't) and really freaked me out. Reading between the lines, I guess she was worried about autism, even though dd very interactive. Well she's a teen now and all fine (i guess she just didn't find her dad and I funny).

brettgirl2 · 17/02/2013 10:09

If she's only in ps twice a week with random kids then that really is unsurprising. My daughter played with other children really early. One friend from 2. At nursery she has a best friend and they are joined at the hip. However if I take her to somewhere like a toddler group where she doesn't know anyone she often just plays independently. So I think ps is the issue not your dd!

Graceparkhill · 17/02/2013 10:15

I think my two( boys) were at least 4 before playing with had any real meaning. Even then it was sporadic. Neither was particularly chatty / assertive so often happier doing their own thing.
Changed days now esp with DS1 ( aged 20) who is outgoing party animal with wide friendship group.

MerryCouthyMows · 17/02/2013 12:41

DD - 8yo, but she has Autism.

DS1 - 4yo.

DS2 - 7yo, but again, he has Autism.

DS3 - Not yet. He has just turned 2yo. But again, he is being assessed for Autism in May.

So my experiences aren't actually 'normal'.

My friend's DC's all seem to start playing WITH rather than alongside other DC's somewhere between 2yo and 3yo.

AngelDog · 17/02/2013 20:36

3.0. It coincided with removing wheat & dairy from his diet - I don't think it was a coincidence. He has some autistic traits, which we think is partly due to an underlying genetic issue which means he can't process folic acid (ie what is added to wheat).

olaybiscuitbarrel · 17/02/2013 21:19

You could be talking about my dd, they sound incredibly similar! I have the same concerns, but am trying not to worry too much. It is difficult for only ones I think. I'm trying to give her as many opportunities to play around other children as I can, and encouraging her to interact where appropriate. Hoping she manages to get the hang of it before she starts school in Sept!

olaybiscuitbarrel · 17/02/2013 22:01

Flip

1 2