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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

10week old dd constantly moaning or crying

28 replies

Revelsarethebest · 25/12/2012 15:04

Dd is 10 weeks old, shes my first baby.

Up until about 3 weeks old she was a really content baby. Now its a different story, she likes to be constantly entertained, or nursed etc

She wont be put down for long, 10mins max before shes crying and if i dont attend to her straightaway she gets herself into a screaming fit, going purple in the face shes screaming that hard. She does have colic but thats no where near as bad as it used to be.

She sleeps brilliant at night, full 9 hours. Doesnt sleep much during the day.

Health visitor has suggested i buy a sling and carry her around the house all day whilst i do things round the house etc.

I dont know if its a good idea to start that as i dont want her to become even more demanding.

Sometimes even when i do nurse her shes still crying and jerking herself back etc, that after a while i find myself losing my temper and being abit rough with her.

Has anyone any suggestions?

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zeeboo · 25/12/2012 15:10

She is a BABY! Your HV is right. She needs as much physical contact with you as possible so a sling (proper one rather than a high street baby Bjorn type) is a fantastic recommendation.
She isn't "being demanding" or "moaning" she's a tiny thing in the 4th trimester who needs to feel and smell her Mummy to feel secure.

Wheresmycaffeinedrip · 25/12/2012 15:21

A sling sounds like a fab idea. It will at the very least allow u to get some stuff done without having to listen to her crying as she will feel more secure.

With regards to feeding and u getting a bit cross would expressing be an option? So someone else can take over just to give u a break? Have you tried a dummy. It's possible she's not actually humgry when she's suckling , she could just be using you as a dummy. Some babies r just sucky babies.

If you find you are getting wound up maybe you would be best to put her down some where safe for a moment. In her cot or on a play mat on the floor and just walk away for a moment take a deep breath and compose yourself.

Original poster

Revelsarethebest · 25/12/2012 15:28

Shes bottle fed, has 7 ounces every 3-4 hours or so.

My dm has said babies should not need to be carried around all the time, and i will be building a rod for my own back.

She has a dummy and is quite attached to it, but it doesnt always calm het

OP posts:

ShhhhhGoBackToSleep · 25/12/2012 15:33

I think you are expecting too much from your baby. She is a tiny tiny little creature who wants to feel safe and loved. Her crying is her asking you to make everything okay because you are her world.

She is more of a little person now than when she was newborn, and she probably wants more interaction. Do you give her a couple of toys when you put her down? Could try something different - my DCs liked different things like a metal teaspoon or a (non breakable) bauble. Move her from room to room with you? Might be worth a try.

I know having a little baby is hard and can be suffocating, but you need to find ways of getting through your days that make you both happy. Perhaps you could try going out for a walk with the sling? Baby group?

LittleBairn · 25/12/2012 15:38

That's a really old fashioned view your DM is giving you.
Think about it she was carried around inside you for 9 months all snug and close to you. Now she is on the outside she left alone often, it's confusing to her.
If you held her more often, attended to her straight away when she cried she may be less needy because she's secure in her attachment to you.

LittleBairn · 25/12/2012 15:41

Just re read your last line, you get frurstrate and get a 'bit rough' that's really concerning behaviour with a newborn. You really need to share your frustrations with the babies father or a close family member, you need help in dealing with your emotions in an appropriate manner.

Wheresmycaffeinedrip · 25/12/2012 15:43

She's 10 weeks old , all carrying her around will do is give her confidence and comfort. Believe it or not it has the opposite effect that people think. They gain confidence in the works around them and trust in their mum that their needs will be met. Babies who r let to cry don't stop because they have toughened up. They stop as they have given up. I'm not against controlled crying , it has it's place that's my opinion and I've had to do it twice to deal with night waking. But I would never do it on a baby so young as10 weeks. I was lucky as mine were ok with being put down for a bit in the day but I would have gone with a sling had they been
Like yours (and hundreds of others) :)

StuntNun · 25/12/2012 15:54

No one believes that 'rod for your own back' line any more, it is crap that will turn you against your child. It sounds like your DD is giving you a clear message that she wants and needs to be close to you all the time. That is quite normal for a 10-week-old baby. She won't be like this for long. Over the next month she will become more interested in toys as she will be able to grasp them, mouth them, shake them, look at them and, favourite of all, drop/throw them on the floor. Then she will start to sit unaided and it won't be long before she's rolling over then starting to crawl. She can't do these things in your arms so she will start to need to be put down. You'll be able to put her in a playpen or travel cot to play for short periods. And once she's old enough to watch TV she'll need to be held even less.

It is frustrating having a baby that needs to be held all the time, that is why slings exist, to free up your arms to do other things. But rest assured, this is the worst time for it, when she is much heavier than at birth but you can't really put her down for long.

Fairylea · 25/12/2012 15:55

Oh the joys of parenthood :) ... all normal I'm afraid. My ds is 7 months and he's myssecond baby and he doesn't like being left alone for more than a minute!

When you put dc down do you have a play gym? Ds was happy to look at this for a little while at about 10 weeks ish.

Also if the back arching is still going on when feeding I'd be looking into reflux and silent reflux. Medication is available. It might help to explain why dc is so unsettled.

Original poster

Revelsarethebest · 25/12/2012 16:08

She does have a play gym, sometimes will lie underneath for about 10mins and sometimes screams straightaway.

I hate it when i get annoyed with her, makes me feel like a shit person

OP posts:

KaraStarbuckThrace · 25/12/2012 16:18

Your mother is talking crap. Your HV sounds lovely though.
I definitely recommend getting a sling. It will help with the colic as well, being held upright.
If she is fussing/pulling away during feeding, how are you holding her? Is the flow too fast? Could you try a slower teat? It might be she is getting upset at how fast the flow of milk is. With bottles babies can't really control how fast the milk goes down so it is important to get the right size teat for her.
I do find it worrying you getting rough with her though are you getting enough support and help from your partner? Are you just finding things tough in general?
Big {{{{{hugs}}}}} anyway and I assure you it will get easier!

GoldenGreen · 25/12/2012 16:19

Carry her. She will be happier. You will be happier. It is what she needs right now.

Btw 10 mins under a play gym is good going!

Fairylea · 25/12/2012 16:28

10 minutes under the play gym is really good going! I don't think you can expect more than that to be honest..

And do you have a bouncy chair with a vibrate function and toy bar ? They're really good ... take it round with you wherever you are and dc can watch what you're doing.

ChasedByBees · 25/12/2012 16:32

This is normal for a baby, particularly one that small. What precisely do you mean you get rough with her?

When my little one was that age, I sat on the sofa a lot and sang to her or fed her. She is now a very secure independent 11mo (in fact I can barely get her to stay still for a snuggle - she wants to be off exploring). It was relentless though and I didn't like hugs from my DH for a while as I felt like I'd been in close contact to someone literally all day long.

This is what being a mother is about and it's really not good if you're getting rough with a 10w old. :( you need a lot more support if that's the case - speak with your HV.

sedgieloo · 25/12/2012 17:13

OP baby might be overtired and overstimulated. There is also a development leap around 8-10 weeks which can spin them out a bit. 9 hours in 24 isn't loads for that age. Mine get beside themselves if overtired. DD was terrible for this. Baby may sleep in the carrier.

teacher123 · 25/12/2012 21:22

I agree with PP who says that 9 hours sleep in 24 isn't enough at that point. DS was really hard work at that point, he was rubbish at napping and was chronically overtired. Poor baby was just shattered and just alternated crying and feeding for what seemed like days at a time. Once I got napping sorted, he started feeding better and was generally much happier. I think you should speak to your HV as soon as possible, feeling frustrated is normal, but being rough with your baby most definitely not.

FlojoHoHoHo · 25/12/2012 21:26

You expect too much. 9 hours sleep at night is fantastic. But she def needs more sleep in the day. You need to hold her and comfort her to sleep she's so young. Maybe if she was 10 months I'd be saying yes don't keep holding her all the time but at 10 weeks she should be hardly out your arms in the day time.

ThreeWheelsGood · 25/12/2012 23:31

My baby - also my first - is 9 weeks and I fully appreciate how exhausting it is, OP. You just have to submit yourself to it as much as possible, remember your only priority right now should be your baby. Not work, not the cleaning/cooking, not socialising - though if you can fit these in that's nice. I'm aiming to "achieve" one thing a day only eg meeting a friend / doing the laundry / buying some groceries. Some days are good and I complete that one thing, some days I don't, she cries/grumbles all day, pukes, poos, leaks all over her clothes, I just sit indoors and feed her. I sympathise with how you're feeling - get as much help as you can from your DP (presuming you have one) and parents (again, presuming they are able).

Hold your baby as much as possible - it's been proven it'll make her more secure and make her sleep better. my point is you don't need to be doing much else apart from looking after yourself (rest, eat, drink). I'm optimistic it'll get easier, it must do or people wouldn't have more kids!

ThreeWheelsGood · 25/12/2012 23:47

Also, it's basic, but could it just be she's hungry? I breastfeed and whenever my baby is grumpy I just offer a feed. can you do the same with bottle feeding? it might be a growth spurt.

Goldenbear · 26/12/2012 19:52

She sounds like she's hungry, it usually is hunger at 10 weeks IME. I was feeding on demand for both of mine at 10 weeks. 3-4 hour gaps seem fairly big.

Also, if she is sleeping a 9 hour stretch at night she is probably looking to make up for the lack of cuddles at night in the day. Did she achieve this 9 hr pattern on her own? If not I would imagine she is seeking the closeness in the day.

noseynoonoo · 26/12/2012 23:29

revels You have had some great advice here and from your HV - you need to hang on to that HV because she sounds like a diamond. Your mum meanwhile is talking twaddle! (sorry)

You have a baby here who has been used to being rocked about inside you, hearing your body digesting, blood pumping etc. Your baby needs to have that replicated to get back to that feeling of security - and a sling is the perfect way to replicate that. This isn't making a rod for your own back. You are building security so that your little one will trust that you and they will actually be less needy as a result. In the meantime, you can get on and do stuff whilst also 'mothering' at the same time.

How have you managed 9 hours sleep a night - is this in one stretch? If this is by using a controlled crying style technique it may be that you baby needs the extra time with you to build up the trust that you will be there when they cry (sorry if I'm wrong on this).

Do you know much about slings? If you are unsure about actually using one you could go to a Sling Meet - there are loads around so hopefully one in your area and people love to help newcomers - or you could ask a BabyCalm teacher if you have one close to you: BabyCalm Theses teachers would also be able to give you some other techniques for soothing a baby.

Also, as said above, steer away from the baby carriers such as the Baby Bjorn and go for one that holds your baby's hips correctly. There's a good article here that shows you how a good carrier should hold the baby.

Good luck and remember you are doing a great job. You are not a saint (who is?) and none of us mums are as perfect as we hoped we would be but we're doing a good job all the same.

Gingersnap88 · 27/12/2012 11:55

How do you think other cultures cope who carry their babies everywhere? Surely all of their children don't become demanding and difficult?

She's so little and wants reassurance and to be close to you. It's draining, I know, but honestly the sling will help. She'll feel safe and happy, and you can get on with stuff you need to do.

Her brain is not even fully developed yet, she is not trying to manipulate you. You can't spoil her or make a rod for your own back by giving her love and picking her up. Honestly.

Original poster

Revelsarethebest · 28/12/2012 07:57

Thanks for the replies, im worried about buying a sling has dd is now about 13pounds in weight and i still have bad spd from pregnancy, and im in alot of pain if i carry my baby around for more than 20mins.

As some posters have mentioned about a sling group, i will look into this before i buy one.

My mother has told me yesterday that she finds dd hard work, shes very whingy etc when she looks after her for afew hours once a week. :-(

OP posts:

Fairylea · 28/12/2012 08:02

I'm not surprised your mum is finding your baby difficult if your mum's approach to parenting is not to pick her up too much! I don't think I'd be leaving my mum to look after my baby if I were you..... but that's just me.

Babies are hard work. Really hard. Joyful in places but more than anything demanding and all encompassing. My second baby is always happy as long as he's on my lap or being cuddled :) .. I have given up with trying to do much of anything until he's in bed in the evening.

They are little for such a short time in the grand scheme of things. My older child is 9 and it goes in the blink of an eye.

Original poster

Revelsarethebest · 28/12/2012 08:10

Nosey

Ive looked at that baby calm link and theres a lady in my town, you have to pay for the sessions but im going to book one today

OP posts:

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